Death of a Parent on my birthday!!?

Question

I lost my father 3 years ago on my 16th birthday! I cant seem to over come in I am very depressed and upset and worrying all the time. About a week b4 he passed he told me he wasnt afraid to die. it scared me so bad!! I need help but I don't know where to turn...

Answer 1

I am so sorry for your loss, but atleast he was at peace with what was to come< I know thats hard to hear and I can't imagine what you are going through, especially since it was on your birthday. But just remember all the good times you had and remember him for who he was. I would talk to your mother or a family member or a therapist, you need to deal with these emotions. Again I am so sorry for your loss and i hope things get better.

Answer 2

I am sorry you lost your father. If there is a person you can talk to such as a counselor , another adult, school counselor, preacher etc then I suggest you do that.

Your father would not want you to be depressed. He loved you very much and would want you to be happy.  

Answer 3

I am very sorry for your loss. I'm sure you hear that all the time but it's true. I am in a similar situation, I lost my brother 6 days before our birthday. We are not twins, just born on the same day. To make matters worse, we buried him on our birthday. This Sept will be 1 year..so I totally hear ya. I get depressed but then after I am done with the tears I think of all the good times we had, the memories we made and I try and think of how proud he would be of me for keeping up a strong relationship with his son. So, just hang in there. Time does heal all wounds but everyone is different and you'll eventually be at ease with it all.

Do you have friends or family that you can turn to for comfort? The last thing I bet your father would want is for you to be sad or depressed. Try to think of that the next time you feel the blues coming on. It's helped me a bit...but boy is it hard!

Hang in there honey.

Answer 4

I can imagine the burden this must present to you on your birthdays.  I would suggest highly that you seek counseling, either with a therapist or (I would more strongly suggest) a church representative, like a priest or pastor.  That is, of course if you attend church.  A therapist might try to analyze the situation a bit too much where a cleric of the church will probably be more apt to hear your pain and find a spiritual aspect of the whole story that might provide more comfort to you.

There is no need for anyone to tell you to 'move on' or 'get over it'.  I don't honestly think I could ever do such things, so what's the point in telling you to?  This is a horrid event for any person to take and for you to be a young woman on top of it all boggles the mind as to how you should 'deal' with this.

I would take one day at a time, knowing that sooner or later your father would have passed.  For him to leave on your birthday was not exactly welcome, but it was a day he left on.  For this we must understand it was nothing personal and simply try to get through the next one.

I would honor my birthdays with a remembrance of my father, if I were you.  I would not only celebrate the one more year I was able to live, but celebrate the life he led and the lives he left behind.  Good luck to you but just know that although this pain feels unbearable, there was a reason to it all.  

Answer 5

WOW! i understand you completely! My dad died 6 days before my birthday and the day before school let out..i was only 13.....he said the same thing except he promised he'd be there until i started high school and he didn'tt..he died in june..I'mm only 14 but you see i know that if i look to the sky i know he's there watching me. Don't worry.... you can turn to friends..family...and if your still in school..teachers..guidancee counselors they helpaltot..or just an adult..I'mm almost always on yahoo answers so if you need to talkI'mmavailablee...idintt have many friends anyway..and you and i can relatealtot.....Hang in there because you know what? hes watching over you right this minute...he helps you get through everything...and hes there when you need someone to talk to...just close your eyes and talk.that'ss what i do...hang in there sweetie...i love you! like a sister! we're in the same area fishing in deep water..but we'll be the ones coming out not wet.....hope this helps!I'mm so sorry btw......

Answer 6

You should probably go to a counselor.  It's so sad that your birthday is associated with the passing of your father but somewhere along the line, you will have to learn to separate the two events.  Though I don't know how in the world you are going to do that.  Gee whiz.  Maybe, because he did pass on your birthday, you can use that day to remember you dad and then celebrate your birthday the next day.  Or remember him that morning and celebrate that evening.  I don't know but if you are depressed and upset all the time, you should see the doctor so you can get that under control and begin to think clearly.  Good luck.

Answer 7

first of all, my deepest sympathy!  

My mother died when I was 25 and it was very difficult for me.  I became very depressed.  Her passing was sudden after open heart surgery.  She was in a coma for nearly a week.  She talked to me before the surgery and knew she was going to die.  She accepted it although I told her she was crazy.  That made it harder for me because I felt that she gave up so I was also very angry at her for not fighting for her life.  I know that doesn't make sense but I think we all go through unrealistic anger when we lose our parents so young.  

With your father dying on such an important date that makes it even worse - you should want to celebrate your birthday but it is probably too difficult.  I lost my mom on the same day that I lost a baby the year before.  It was devistating for me.   That day is always very difficult and I think your birthday will always be difficult for you.  I was thinking you could change the day you celebrate your birthday so that you don't have to be filled with such sadness.  

I think you need counseling if you haven't had it.  If you have had it then it sounds like you may need to see someone else because you aren't coping well.  I was in therapy for a while and it helped.  I was severely depressed and needed medication for a while.  It helped and I only needed it for a year or so.  I learned ways to cope with my feelings from my therapist.    

Now here are my other ideas!  

I know everyone here with think I am crazy but....try consulting a psychic.  I don't know how to decide if they are a good psychic or not but I was lucky enough to find someone that was spectacular because one of my crazy friends said to try it.  I was very tight lipped in the session but she knew things she couldn't have known unless she was in the room at the hospital - and the only 2 there were me and mom.  It made me feel much better and more accepting of her death because I was able to communicate with her.  I had someone write everything down (the psychic's suggestion) and I looked back at it later and I am convinced that she was real.  

It may make you feel better to go through some of your pictures and memories and make a memory box, scrapbook or photo album.  It may sound silly but it worked for me.  

one of my mom's friends started a scrap book for me.  I have added pages and look at it often with my son who never did get a chance to meet his grandma.  He loves to see her pictures and talk about her and it makes me feel closer to her.  I also purchased this beautiful wood box with separators inside and a place for photos outside.  I took some little things like jewelry, award pins from bowling, her coin purse, a check I found that she hadn't mailed and tons of other silly things too embarrassing to mention but worthy of ME keeping and put them in the box.  When I really start missing her I go through my box.  

another note on the psychic thing - my son has said that he has seen my mother's ghost and my grandmother's ghost (they were very close and she recently passed).  I believe him - his visions started when he was 2, stopped when we moved to our new house and then picked up again after grandma died.