Death of a parent?

Question

My father died almost a week ago, suddenly of a massive heart attack, I actully was with him, he was going to the hospital for a cat scan and went into cardiac arrest on the table. A shock to the family. My two children ages 6 and 10 are coping as well as to be expected, but my 10 year old I see is taking it harder. Both my children were very close to their "poppy", he watched them in the summer for me took them to school for me on days I had to start work early, and had a weekly spend the night day on most fridays with their grammy and poppy. We have talked about what happened to him, but any advise for me to help them cope with the thought that thier poppy isn't coming back? I tell them he will always be in our hearts and memories and those are the things to hold on to but they just say its not fair and they want poppy back. Side note, my mother their surviving grandparent is handicap and has never done much with them it was always thier poppy.

Answer 1

When my mom died it devastated me.

I lost all hope.I went in my room.And asked

Jesus to come into my heart.And Jesus

filled me with peace and love.

Without Jesus I never would of made it.

God bless you and your family.

Answer 2

I was as old as your 10 yr old when my father died.  My parents were divorced and I didnt see him much but the thoughts that we have when we are so young is so much different when we are older.  My mother was remarried at the time, and I took it hard very hard, but what I found helpful at that age was being able to talk about it as much as I could.  I wasn't one to share my feelings much, but looking back I think if my mom had not took me to see a counselor I probably would have hid my feelings completely.  Being able to talk to someone other than family someone who could understand from where I came from I think helped me put myself at ease with the heartbreak I had.  I didnt feel like I could talk to family, as they were also dealing with the same things, and thinking how could they help me when they are trying to cope themselves.  From that experience I have to say I believe in counseling and anytime something major happens in our family I go with my kids to counseling, and they are turning out to be great kids.  My kids ages are 10 and 14 and they never lost anyone to death but they did lose a dad who was suppose to be a hero to them, he fell into drugs and ended in prison.  I put them in counseling and I was there anytime they needed to talk, at times I would attend the sessions with them, and since he and I have been divorced for sometime, I always spoke kindly of him and talked to my kids based on how they felt about him, and I put all the feelings I had about their dad aside.  My kids are doing so well now and get good grades and they now feel that they can talk to me about anything and they do.  Sometimes its hard for us parents to hear things but from my experience I would suggest counseling for them and for you.  I am really sorry for your loss and I understand the pain and the pain your kids feel.  Good luck to you and I hope what I have to say you can somehow find help in it.

Answer 3

I would just explain that he is not coming back but he is always with us in our heart and mind. for the 10 year old i would give him a pic and tell him to look at it when he is sad and say it rep. a happy time and that we still have memories. maybe give him a important item of his and explain that he would want him to have it. explain it wasent his falt and when they die they will see him in heaven.

my heart goes out to your family

God Bless you and your family

Good Luck

Answer 4

I am so very sorry for your loss.  I only wish there was an easy way for you and your children, but it will surely be hard for a while.  I know there are books that could help them understand at their level (I'm sorry I can't be more specific, but surely the bookstore/library could help you find just the right thing).  

Just try to be especially close to them for a while, so that when they need to talk about Poppy or have questions, you will be available.  If you notice more serious problems, don't hesitate to ask a child's therapist for a bit of help to get through this.

Again, I want to extend condolences.  I will say a special prayer tonight for you and your family.

Answer 5

this may sound silly but when my daughter who is six and i are missing my dad we send helium balloons to heaven.  she gets a marker and writes a message to "pap-pap"  and i do the same.  it started out for his birthday and death annivesary but when she is really depressed about it we make an exceptions.  

we also are keeping a "memory book"  with pictures of him of the years and we take time to write we remember and love about him.  

hope this helps. sorry for your loss.

Answer 6

i do understand exactly what your kids are going through. one thing that frightens me is the thought of losing my grand father as well. i love him so much and cant bear his loss but one thing we gotta note is that we live in a rather harsh world and our garnd pa needs rest and joy. he is sure gone to a place worth living where there is no pain. so you gotta tell your kids that they should be happy that papa is not suffering anymore and is quite safe and secure. honey im so sorry for the loss but you gotta be brave in front of the little angels.

Answer 7

Its hard to say everyone heals differently i lost my grandpa when i was15 it hurt me so bad because i was so close to him. it hurt even more cause i didnt get to say good bye. but your kids are still babys they wont realy under stand till they get older just show them your strong and keep him in your hearts.good luck. May god be with you and you family.

Answer 8

I think that one of the most important things you can tell your kids, is that the grief they are feeling (whether it's anger, sadness, etc.) is normal and o.k.  There is no such thing as love without grief.  It takes all kinds of emotions to create love, and when a person is missed all those emotions come to the surface.  Tell your kids that it will take time.  They will feel terrible for some time, but slowly the grief will fade away. Maybe point out ways that the grief is fading, ie last week we cried everyday, this week we only cried 4 times.  If they can see the process, it might be easier to deal with.  When my mom passed away when I was 28, I would purposely allow time to do nothing but grieve.  I think by talking to her, writing letters to her and allowing myself the time to grieve, it made the process go allot more smoothly.  Good luck, and always allow them their feelings.