Death on my mind....?

Question

I am always thinking about dieing. I have tried to commit suicide before but always get put in the hospital. It's always on my mind. So far the only reason I haven't done it is because my mom always says she would be so upset and wouldn't have a reason to live if I killed myself. But I am always thinking of ways to commit suicide and always thinking of where I would do it and all that. What do you think I should do? I don't really have any reasons to live except to not upset my mom but I don't know how long that reason will be enough to live. I am WAY in debt, hate my surroundings, the people I live with are rude and disrespectful to me and put me down, I work and still never have any money, I am depressed everyday, I hate the way I look, I can't sleep, I can never go do anything cause of lack of money....I don't really have anything. I really hate waking up in the morning and living. I just wish I could go to sleep and not wake up. Also I am a cutter and it has gotten worse....that's the only way I can release my stress and anger. I used to only scrape, then cut, and not I cut deeper and have tried to break my hand and purposely bruise myself. For some reason I like having these marks. They make me feel better. What are you opinion?

Please don't tell me I am selfish for wanting to die....I just want to stop the pain, stress, anger, depression......

Also I can't really get help cause I don't have any health insurance or money. I went to the hospital without health insurance and they put me in a county mental health hospital and those places are insane....I felt worse.

Answer 1

Yeah, state-run mental health hospitals suck. You tend to get stuck with delusional maniacs, winos, and thugs shamming their way out of jail. You need to look into sliding-scale treatment sevices, places that are there to provide help to those with limited financial means. Here where I live we have a place called COMTREA and its services have been a tremendous help to someone as broke as I am. Maybe you should also consider moving back in with your mother while you seek treatment. Get the h**l away from the jerks you are currently rooming with, they are doing nothing for you except making you feel even worse. You need to be with someone who cares about you and judging by what you have written Mom is probably your best option. Look up Behavioral Health Resources and find some treatment that won't leave you even more in debt. And when you feel like harming yourself, call someone who cares about you, be it your mom or whoever, I have found that doing this greatly reduces the urge. Good luck and God bless you.    

Answer 2

You said the people you live with are disrespectful but you seem to get along with your mom so could you stay with her? If she is understanding maybe that would help? Not having health insurance sucks but I know there are free groups you can go to sort-of like AA. If you have a religion maybe you could talk to somebody at church.

You look pretty young in your picture so you have a lot of chances to get better and have happiness. I know what it is like to lose somebody so I know your mom would be really devastated if she lost you!

Answer 3

ok thats means u r reaaally stressed.u should take a second to think of what is making u upset and make a list and this might take a long time but try to solve all the problems in ur life also dont commit suicide becuz there r ppl who love u around u and think of how they would feel if u were dead if u dont care urself.

Answer 4

This song will help you :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbcWEd4op...

I'm sorry about my answer, but you yourself have answered questions on here regarding depression, you know the answer to your own questions. I know you want some help, you just have to keep on pushing on, and doing things that bring you joy. Take up writing? Write down your thoughts and feelings in a journal.

Answer 5

I have been there, the pit of h**l...  feeling like you can't escape and it seems to get deeper and you just want to die to quit thinking... thinking...thinking about it.  If you could have one wish, it's not to feel like this anymore.  Good new is....  anti-depressants do help, when you find the right one.  Bad new is... they can have side affects, but they are small in comparison to wanting to die.  There should be local organizations that will help you, the state and the government provide services, check online for free clinics or depression screenings, I'll bet you can find your way out of the pit of darkness, I know I did.

Answer 6

Hi i have been at the same place you are now and yes it sucks and it is hard to get up in the morning for another f cked up day' but there is hope believe me.I am sorry you have jerks around you and they probable do not even notice the pain your in.I started going to a mental health clinic and they let me pay what i can and that is not too much.Maybe you could call the suicide hotline and ask if the have clinics that go by your income.Or call a clinic and explain you need to get help asap.I used to cut a lot until i cut almost to the bone and almost lost my arm ' so it scared me from cutting' so i had to get help...I know your having a rough time now but please suicide is not the way as it will get better.Your a you g beautiful lady and have many things in life to look forward to' and it will come ..Try to ignore the losers who make you crazy with their nasty words of hate..Lots of luck sweetie and i will you all the best..email me anytime if you want to...Cami

Answer 7

I would like to suggest you get as much information as you could before taking action,here is a good place for that.http://health-insurance.tips4free.info/h...

Answer 8

I truly understand where you are at. If I were to rewind my life about 7 years there would be me, sitting on the floor in my kitchen, crying, with blood all over my legs because I had just sliced myself with a steak knife. I used to stare out the window and fantasize about killing myself, instead of sleeping I would stare at the wall and wait until morning, but then when it came I couldn't get up. Overdue bills filled my mailbox and I had a panic attack every time I walked towards the mailbox, and, like you, I had no money or insurance and the state wanted me so medicated that I couldn't think. I was 22 years old my life was just beginning, but I couldn't wait for it to end.

Sweetheart I do understand what you are going through. I am so sorry for you, I wish that I could take all your pain away and help you see that the world is a beautiful place and that you have so much to offer.

www.hasanyonetoldyou.com, go to this website, it might make you roll your eyes, it might make you cry, but hopefully it leaves an impression on you and gives you some sense of worth.

Despite how it looks to you now, life is worth living.