Deceased children and common courtesy?

Question

i know this may sound a little selfish but i really don't care. When i was with my ex husband i became pregnant and like so many parents decided on a a name for the baby. about half way through the pregnancy i ended up miscarrying and shortly there after we split up. HE is now remarried and expecting another child. He has decided to use the name of our deceased child for his new daughter. Does anyone else see something wrong with that? I thought at least common courtesy would be to talk to me about it first instead of just doing it and finding out from the new wife, but it could just be me.

Answer 1

I think in this case you are wrong. He is still trying to keep the name of the child you lost ALIVE... you must try to understand him, no once can replace the loss you had but think how attached he was to the child that he lost that he still want to see him though his daughter.

Answer 2

I would be livid!!!!  And so hurt!  And that's a little morbid of him too.

Answer 3

I think he should have asked first. especially if it is the exact (first and middle) name that the 2 of you had picked.

two of my children have family names: my daughter is named after her deceased grandmother. the grandmother had been gone for more than 13 years at that point. My BIL had a little problem with it, but only because it meant hearing his late mother's name all the time. he has since come to terms with it and the fact that we used her first name to honor her. My youngest son is named after my BIL. actually his first name is not a family name, but his middle name is after his uncle. This way if his uncle wants to give his own child his name it is not a problem. He was very pleased when we told him.

I would ask his wife if she has any clue WHY he wants to use that name. Is he trying to hurt you? is he trying to honor the child the two of you lost? Let her know that this is part of your dealing with it...that you are just trying to understand.

Answer 4

Take your husband's choice of the name you chose for your "lost" child as a compliment. He may still be thinking of the relationship you and he had. Personally, if I was your ex husband's wife, I wouldn't be too thrilled that my husband was choosing a name for my child that he and his first wife had chosen!

Answer 5

that is a bit rude that he would consider it w.o contacting you about it.

Answer 6

I would confront both of them, and ask her if she knows that you were pregnant with his kid also named that.

Answer 7

It is very tacky of him, in my opinion.  However, maybe he just wants to honor the memory of the child you lost.  

Rather than become angry and frustrated over something you cannot ultimately control, it might be better to assume the best intentions are had on his part, even if you think that this is not actually so.  Good Luck with your pregnancy.

Answer 8

i think it would be ok for the middle name--- to show how much ur child meant to him -- but he should have asked.. out of courtesy!

Answer 9

i dont see anything wrong with that. its just a name. i know a lot of people with the same name. sorry if i offend anyone idk..im just not sensitive i guess.

Answer 10

Personally, I agree with you. That's kinda sweet that he would want to do that but I would agree that he should have at least asked you about it, just like you said...common courtesy. Just out of respect that it was the name both of you chose together, and it was for your child together. But then again, its kinda weird that he would want to use the same name. I mean, using it as like a middle . name or something I could understand, but the whole thing? But I guess hes not thinking about it that way. But yes, i do agree.  

Answer 11

Your not being selfish at all that is disgraceful!