Deciding weather to have more children?

Question

I have 3 children, boys 8 & 5, and a girl 11 mths. My husband is having a vasectomy next week, and we are currently trying to get pregnant before that date. We have kind of left it in the hands of fate... if we fall pregnant before then we are meant to have 4 kids, if not we will have our 3 happy healthy children.

I do worry about being pregnant so close to this baby, but I also worry about never being able to have more children

4 children was definitely not on the cards, but knowing that this is my last chance to have any more children, I am panicking.

Cancelling the vasectomy is not an option, he thinks this is the one way to tell for sure if it was meant to be.

Are we being silly leaving things up to fate?

Am I being selfish wanting more children when I am so lucky to have the 3 I have now?

I wonder if I will be upset if I do not fall pregnant and my husband has his vasectomy.

Friends & family have mixed feelings but most offer the advice that we should stop at 3.

Answer 1

I have 5 children and I decided a long time ago that no one would decide how many children I should have except God and my husband and I. People are always trying to put their two cents in on the size of people's famillies. YOU are the only one who knows what you can handle physically, mentally and financially. Children are a blessing and it sounds like you are great parents so don't let other people pressure you on this. As long as your not asking your family to babysit all the the time or support youo financially they really don't have any say. I fear if you don't get pregnant before his vasectomy this may bother you for a long time. If I were you I would pray about this and see where that leads you. Good Luck!

Answer 2

I would be cancelling that vascectomy.

They should be done only if you are certain you don't want any more kids, which you are not.

Once they are done, thats it. Although reversable, why not save yourself and husband the problem in the first place. There are other means of contraception, and then, further down, if you both decide to have one then get it then.

My husband went and got one after the birth f our third child, I was highly against it but he did it anyway. It is a issue raised many times, and I am so mad that he did it without my consent.

You sound like you are unsure what you want.

Cancel it, give you both more time to decide on a 4th. Its a huge decision to have a 4th, and a vasectomy. Only you two can decide what is best, not family!

Answer 3

I've heard that men remain fertile for up to a month after a vasectomy but i MAY be wrong so don't hold me to it.

I just hope you have or are going to ovulate before next week or chances are you will not be having baby #4. I really don't think leaving it in fates hands in a good idea..i mean if you want another child then you want another child and if you don't you don't. theres not really any in between here. I say leave his vasectomy for a month..then it gives you a better chance at *fate* than just 1 week does. OR why not get his sperm frozen? Then when you are ready for #4 the sperms there...

Answer 4

Cancle the vasectomy. if you don't get pregnant you will feel resentment no matter how much you deny it you will. You obviously want another child so why not try for 1 without the time restriction; if you left thing up to fate you would not go ahead with surgery and let nature take its course and if your meant to get pregnant you will if not then you wont.

Answer 5

So you would be happy with 3 or 4 kids? Then let it up to fate. If your happy now but you could have another one, then try but if not then it wasent meant to be. and if you do get another child then good for you! :)

Answer 6

So your hubby thinks God will let you get pg before the vasectomy and that is FATE. Sounds like your hubby is playing god with fertility. If you really want fate and God, then you don't practice bc of any kind. That said, you want another child...that is clear. Cancel the V. Respect your hubby's wishes not to have another at this time and use a different bc other than sterilization. Then revisit this issue in a few years. If you really want to include God in your fertility and child bearing plans, then go to the Bible and read what He says about having children. Don't listen to us or even your pastor. You read and study the Bible for yourself! May you make "the right" decision.  

Answer 7

I have 3 brothers and 3 sisters, we had such a fun time growing up! I think 4 children would be wonderful! I don't think you are silly for leaing it up to "fate". If God wants you to have 4 children you will! Do you know when you will be ovulating? You could always help it out a bit! :) Good luck to you!

Answer 8

What is selfish about wanting more children. It 's your body, It's your life and if its going to make you happy why not. I am 35 years old and also want to have two more children. I have already been bless with two girls but I want more. And there is nothing wrong with that. And dont worry about what your family and friends think. Follow your heart.

Answer 9

A vasectomy is a very big decision and you shouldn't get it unless you are 100% positive you want to stop at three kids. Leaving it up to fate isn't really the best thing to do. I don't think you were meant to have either 3 kids or 4 kids, if you want the 4th kids you can have it, if you don't, you don't. And no! you are not selfish to want another child! Just because you want another child, it doesn't mean you are being ungrateful for what you already have. If you are this wary about the decision, definitely CANCEL the vasectomy. Plus, read your 2nd scentance.  "My husband is having a vasectomy next week, and we are currently TRYING TO GET PREGNANT." If you are trying to get pregnant, why would your husband want a vesectomy in the first place?That way, if you do decide you want another child, you won't be out of luck. Good luck with your decision. I say go for the 4th baby.

Best of luck!

Answer 10

CANCEL IT  omg my husband was booked in to have the snip a week after we had our 4th baby and as soon as i held him i thought im not done and 2 days later when i got out of hospital i rang and cancelled it we have since had 2 more kids and i was sure at #6 that was then ooops accident #7 but that ended in m/c and now it is undecided what to do condoms work just as good until your heart and your head are on the same page dont do something you will regret just put it off a few months be sure !!

Answer 11

You are being selfish wanting more children.  What you are considering is robbing from your other three children.

Answer 12

If you became pregnant now, that would not be "so close" to baby.  My first four children are 23 months apart, and #5 will be born when #4 is almost 19 months.  It's a nice spacing.

I don't think you're being silly not trying to prevent children now, but I do think the vasectomy is a bad decision.  I'd advise cancelling it, period.

And it's not selfish to want more children.  Assuming you are providing for them and making an effort to raise them well, you're making a sacrifice for each one.  It's the opposite of selfish, whatever people say.

Answer 13

I think its selfish to want more children. Kids are a huge expense and responsibility.

Answer 14

Well leaving it up to fate is the only way to go. One thing God already has a plan for your family. He knows how many children you will have when and all their life's journeys...God has your life planned til your final day. If He wants you to have another baby then he will let you. He is the decision maker, so all you can do is leave it be. He will let you know as you say by letting you be or not to  be that is God's plan... good luck             My source is 1 MC which resulted in me and my ex getting back together before I   MC and then we got engaged and now are trying for a child a year and half later. God threw that obstacle at my husband and I to get us to realize that we are meant to be with one another. I MC in Jan 07 we have been trying for 2 1/2 months and I am trying to not get my hopes up every month.... I have to remember that God is my provider and he will give me child when he wants to

Answer 15

Why not cancel the vasectomy, get the IUD and revisit the issue in a few years. "Leaving it up to fate" is a very irresponsible way to manage your fertility. A vasectomy or any other form of permanent sterilization should only be performed when both of you are 100% sure that you do not want more kids.