I'll just explain my story quickly.
I moved away from Ireland to Portugal when I was 10.
I'm 14 years old.
I was molested on and off from the ages 7-13.
My first year in Portugal, I made no friends, I remained positive for a year, but became a bit depressed after a year and it just got worse and worse.
After I finally told my parents about the child abuse, I developed social anxiety, I suppose because of having no friends when I moved to Portugal, being bullied, and all the stress from the whole abuse thing coming out.
My school, that did not even know I was abused, recommended a psychologist to us, they said 'Emily is a very intelligent, bright girl and sometimes children like that need help to talk things over etc.' But my parents just wanted to send me because they thought I was depressed and because of the abuse.
- I went, and she turned out to be terrible, she didn't help me at all, she didn't realise I had social anxiety disorder and the way she went about talking to me etc. was not nice. I expected her to try and comfort me and make me feel more relaxed around her, but she just made everything very awkward. She said that she believed that being molested had no effect on me at all and that I am feeling anxious/depressed because I don't have enough vitamins. I didn't believe that vitamins would help, my mum has been giving them to me anyway.. But for months now they haven't made a difference, I've just continually been getting worse and feeling more hopeless.
- I left her a few weeks after meeting her, I just didn't like her at all, and I was never diagnosed.
- I went back to Ireland for the summer holidays (All I want to do is go back to Ireland). I went for 3 weeks and for once was happy, I was still socially anxious, but it was getting a little better, I started eating so healthily aswell. I then came back to Portugal and ever since, I've been plumeting downwards. When I first came back, my food consisted of a lot of chocolate. Suddenly over the past few days, I just haven't been eating really at all. I just have lost my appetite. Yesterday all I had to eat was a cookie, and today, I ate a bit more, I had just less than half a toastie and some rice and sauce. But I used to eat 3 big meals a day. I have left the house just once or twice since I arrived back from Ireland, because my parents forced me to. I feel anxious so much and I think I must be very stressed. I got diarrhea today and I was just questioning myself whether it could be because of my anxiousness and maybe I'm stressed. I just, don't know whether I'm stressed though, I don't know what it feels like, you know?
Some nights I don't sleep at all, and every single day I just lie in bed all day and only get out to get a drink or something. What should I do? My parents know I'm socially anxious, and they know there's something wrong, obviously, they've noticed I'm not even getting out of bed or sleeping at night. But I don't know whether they know the extent of sadness and hopelessness I feel. I don't want to go to another psychologist again. I don't want to take medication either, my parents are against it and so am I, I'm afraid of it, it has dreadful side affects and I know there is always another option other than drugs.
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