Did I do okay with my 16 year old?

Question

My daughter yelled at me and swore 3 times in my face, we don't sweat and we raise her better than that, than she hit me. I think I went off the handle a bit. I grounded her for a week, took away her cell phone privaliges and put a bar of soap (non toxic) in her mouth 15 minutes per swear word plus 10 minutes each time she took it out which added up to about 90 minutes.

Do you think I went overboard? What do you think I should of done? By the way, she's 15

Answer 1

hahaha

Answer 2

noooo way. I would have grounded her wayyyyyy longer. Probably like a month.My girl will get severly punished if she ever speaks to me like that. There is NO reason to use cuss words to an adult as far as I am concerned ESPECIALLY not the person that raised you. She would be in pretty much a prison cell for a long time.I think you did fine.

Edit: the answers I read on her just prove why kids are so bad today because EVERYTHING is "child abuse" PUTTING SOAP IN YOUR KIDS MOUTH WHEN THEY SWEAR IS NOT CHILD ABUSE IN ANNNNNY WAY! I do think that 90 minutes of the soap in the mouth was a bit much I would maybe have just put it in there for a few minutes. But I would have made the groundation tougher. grounding your kid for a week when she HIT you is not rough at all. It's so obvious why kids are so bad nowadays. everyone on here is saying it was to much. I have raised my siblings and the know better than to EVER EVER say swear words to me. Kids need to be taught right from wrong  and they need to know while they are young. I believe you did the right thing. Putting a firm foot down now. I still can't believe ANYONE could possibly say a punishment is too harsh for a teenager that HIT their mother and swore at her. I would have made her sit in the corner with her nose touching the wall for 3 hours.(my father did this and it made me never want to do anything bad again, I only had to do it 2 times as a teenager). and then grounded her for a month, no cell, no computer, no friends, and she would have been helping me do everything around the house the whole time. and I would have put soap in her mouth. She needs to know that she will not get away with disrespecting you and if she does it again the punishment will be worse. Good luck!

Answer 3

yeah... there are better ways of handling this, but its in the past, so take some time out to forgive yourself and her. Reactions often stem from deep seated areas... maybe you might want to think about why you feel you went overboard.

Start with walking away. Take time out. Soap in her mouth only made the issue worse and broke some level of trust between the two of you. Its not about the curse words, i'd be more concerned with the violence and the anger used against you...the depth of emotion that she was unable to control than the words used. Your initial reaction seemed that it was more about her disrespecting you, than helping her learn to control her emotions or providing logic to them and helping her cope with her feelings.

This sounds like its built up over the course of time, and was an explosion waiting to happen. I think you both need to cool off and seek some third party guidance to get the relationship back on track, and you probably may want to seek some advice on more creative ways to handle such issues without going off the handle in the future.

Although we guide and balance our children they are often mirrors of what we hide deep within ourselves. Also, she learned the violence from somewhere, where? make an effort to get a handle on her anger now...

cell phone privleges were fine to revoke... grounding her was fine as well. revoke computer or other thing, or make her write a 10 page paper on why hitting is not a solution to anger, and make her research how to manage her anger in more constructive ways and write about it. why? writing has a way of infilterating us with thought, and thought makes us consider why we did what we did. If she has to write a thoughtful expository - it may help her explore her feelings of anger, and she can't be off restriction until she takes the task seriously and you are satisfied with the results).

Anyways, that's my two cents

mother of two teenage daughters...

Answer 4

I understand your frustration. Even if the soap is non-toxic, it's not meant to be ingested, and she's likely going to have a bad case of diarrhea. Not the end of the world, but not really the best way of punishing a teenager.

Hitting and cursing are very serious. If I were you, I would ground her for longer. But don't give her diarrhea.

Answer 5

ummm...........i dont know........i think youre a troll.  

Answer 6

soap in her mouth. first of all, are we in the 50s? second of all shes 15, not 4.

Answer 7

90 min is a bit much and it might be who she is hanging out with yah know. but if i were you i would of took away more than a cell phone

Answer 8

no she should never talk to you like that she swore at you and hit  !!! ground her 4 a month

Answer 9

i would have grounded her for more than a week! like 3 months!

Answer 10

First of all I do not think the soap was child abuse!

It is nice to hear about a parent that is being a parent and not affraid to stand up to their child!  I think you did just fine and I bet she won't do that again.  I think you taught her a valuable lesson and if she acts up during the week ground her longer.  Kids these days need to learn to respect adults (I am 32 and when I was a kid we did not talk back to our parents much less any adult.....kids just have very little to no respect these days).....good for you!

Answer 11

no you did the right thing. she has no right to treat you like that.

Answer 12

You were understandably upset and angry.  Her behavior was wrong and I know it hurts a lot when teenagers swear at their parents. But my biggest concern would be her hitting you. I could be wrong, but I think it's uncommon for even the most rebellious teens to hit their mothers.  Where did she learn this?  Has she been hit by someone?  Is she trying to get control of you?  You need to address this problem now, before it gets worse.  

For swearing and rudeness, grounding her and taking away her phone seem like reasonable consequences.  But the soap in the mouth was overboard and I'm sure will only cause her to become even more angry and resentful. In a way, you brought yourself down to her level when you responded with a physically painful and humiliating punishment.  Sounds like you were both out of control a bit.

I think you should apologize for the soap and suggest that she also apologize for her rude behavior.  Then suggest to her that mothers and daughters will always have conflicts; it's inevitable; and there will be times when you can't come to an agreement.  Sometimes you just have to live with differences of opinion. You are two separate people. When you have to argue, there are better ways to do it than hurtful language and physical fighting. If you can't manage to disagree calmly, find a counselor who can help you communicate more effectively.  This sounds like the kind of thing that could escalate if you're not careful.

Answer 13

with the soap thing no that's child abuse  

Answer 14

I think the fact you are consulting people on the internet about your parenting says a lot about parenting skills, also, there is no set way to parent so know one has an answer to your question.

Answer 15

I wouldn't say you went overboard but the soap could have been something different because she definitely deserves some other type of discipline...Other privalages should be taken away...

Answer 16

Sorry i know this doesnt answer your q. but i think your daughter just asked a similar q. to this....have a look, its near the 2nd page i think

Answer 17

90 minutes is a bit much.

Answer 18

What she did wasn't okay, but what you did wasn't okay also [[talking about the soap thing]]. I'm 15 so I know how it feels to get angry and want to curse at my parents, but I would never hit them. If I were you, I'd take away the most important things to her; cell phone, computer etc. Believe me, by taking those material items away, it'll hurt her more than a bar of soap.

Answer 19

You went over board on the soap and taking away her cell is enough for her I bet so maybe you shouldve grounded her for 3 days but if she continued this behavior then you should ground her for a week.

Answer 20

You know what she is 15, come on now you gonna let a 15 year old chump you off, okay the yelling, maybe, swearing, oh h**l no, hitting, oh h**l to the no.  Sure you gonna get those that might say, yeah, talk, discuss, no, when you put your hands on me, well then we roll.  Do you not think that she is not going to try this again, something is going on and if you don't nip it in the behind now, then this situation is not going to correct itself with the little zhit azz punishment of restricted telephone privileges, come on - no - you need to get hold of this situation and your teenager.   God Bless.