Did I do the right by taking off in the middle of my family fighting?

Question

I'm 26, and I left my parents home 2 years ago. I was not because it was time for me to be on my own, it was because I couldn't stand all the yelling at my house anymore.

I don't get along with my mom. My mom is always proving my dad, my sisters, and me.

I get along with my father very well. My father always comes close to convincing me to come back home. But it doesn't take long before my mom starts yelling at me for no reason, and I remember I'm better off living alone.

An hour ago, I was at my parents talking to my dad about my week. I said GOODBYE to him, and I was going to say GOODBYE to my mom. But she was yelling at my sister for some reason, so I try to leave. My mom's car was blocking my car, so I have to go back and get the keys. By the time I moved my mom's car, my mom had already dragged my dad into the fight, and it was the 3 of them yelling.

My mom yells at me telling to go over there. Not wanting to be dragged into a fight, I don't say anything, and leave.

I'm at home, I'm not fighting, but:

Should've taken off, or should've let my mom drag me into the fight?

Answer 1

I think you should have just said 'I'm going now, bye!' If they didn't hear or reply, it's their fault for arguing. After that, driving off was probably the best idea, rather than getting involved in a pointless argument.

Answer 2

I think you did exactly the most intelligent thing anyone in your situation could do.

Obviously it's your mom who's itching for a fight. She makes a conscious choice to fight & argue with the people in her life. You on the other hand, make a conscious choice to NOT participate in her arguments. For most of us, that is a very healthy & mature thing to do.

I have to wonder though, are you actually feeling guilty for not indulging your mom in her selfish need to have an argument with you?

If so, then maybe you could ask yourself why?

I guess we all have an ingrained need to please our parents, & it's probably clear to you that it would please your mom if you would join in & fight with her.

I am not a professional analyst by any means, but this kind of stuff interests me. It's just my take on what might be happening, & why you seem to be feeling guilty, or dissatisfied after removing yourself from the sick environment in your mothers home, so I have shared it with you to give you something to consider as a possible explanation.

I hope it has helped.

Answer 3

You are old enough not to have to deal with things like that.

You had every right to leave.  Maybe it will send your Mother a message that you won't tolerate that type of relationship anymore.

Sounds like she is very unhappy and may need to be medicated.

You are on your own now, make the best of YOUR life.

Answer 4

Yeah you don't have to put up with that.  It's your mom's behavior...not yours.  So you did the right thing by leaving.  Plus it showed her in some indirect manner that you're not going to tolerate the fighting.

Answer 5

Been there done that. When she starts, just leave. You do NOT need to be a part of that life style.