Did I do wrong with my neighbors kids? (long story)?

Question

The summer houses fill up after the winter. But we are all year occupants. So I am not in ‘holiday mode’. We live along the ocean and none of the yards are fenced and the kids all run back and forth and have fun playing. I have no problem with this. I am a full time university student from my home and a very busy mother. Also I am an introvert need privacy to feel happy about life. My daughter plays with these kids and they came into my house a few times and I booted them out. The one girl still tries to follow my daughter in, but I told her NO. I am doing university. Also, sometimes in summer I sleep in abit. This same girl has knocked on my door and woken me up 2 times. Another morning I woke up to the loud noise of kids crawling all over my patio! I told ALL the kids to stay off my patio from now on. But that one girl keeps following my daughter up on my patio. Or if I am on my patio having quiet time, she will talk loudly to me from the ground. One morning this girl cam over to my house 3 times in one hour… once just to tell me that my dog wanted in. Another time I went outside and she was in my yard petting my dogs. I told her to NEVER pet my dogs without my or my daughters supervision. You just don’t walk into someone’s yard while they are all in their house and pet their dogs. In short this girl is driving me nuts and doesn’t seem to have a sense of property or boundaries. I try to set limits such as ‘only knock on the door once every few hours and say off my patio’. She will sit on the bottom steps and work her way up to the top (like a dog told to stay and slicks closer and closer you.). So I said to not come on my patio steps at all. I felt like I was getting nit picky, but she didn’t seem to ‘get’ what I am saying. My daughter plays over there, so I don’t want to make a double standard! When my daughter has friends from school over… those kids are staying at my house and so they can come and go as they please… and this girl follows them around in the house, on the patio, and fights with my daughter. I tell her that she is not staying here and needs to stay off the patio and out of the house. To play outside on the grass, but if my daughter or any kids STAYING at my place come in, she can’t. She argues with my daughter alot and I had to go to her house once to fetch my daughter’s journal which she took (which is VERY private.) The journal said ‘I don’t like this girl because’… so I think there was some hurt feelings there. But it should not have been read. This girl comes from a good home and seems to have great parents. I told her dad ‘jokingly’ that I am doing university full time and she can only knock on our door once every 2 or 3 hours. So that got better. She is SO cute and I like her, but she drives me nuts. I find myself getting very angry as I feel that my own space in my own home is invaded and that privacy is gone. I finally talked to her home and told her that I don’t have a fenced yard to set a boundary… and I don’t mind if the kids play on the grass, but please tell your daughter to stay off my patio as I read or do university out there and that is my only quiet place in my yard. Since than that girl and her sister have not come over to play once. I don’t want to offend the family…. I am SO glad that I can go outside now and find that quietness and peace and can relax. But I assume that I offended them as they don’t come over anymore. Did I do wrong or should I have ‘let it go’ and let her run all over my patio and house and just try harder not to feel invaded, even while I am doing full time university and wanting to enjoy quiet time with my baby?

Answer 1

thats a sucky situation now i know  you said your daughter and her fight but is it a typical kid relationship fight one minute friends the next because if your daughter can get past the fighting then whos to say she isnt encouraging her friend to come in the house with her and wait or saying ya come get me to play...i think if your daughter is proably doing the same thing at other kids houses it appears that it is sorta a close nit neighbor hood so in that case i think you should of let it go kids will be kids to be honest if i was the other parent i would keep my kids away all together too because its easier then yelling at them every couple of hours because they get over excited and forgot that their not allowed to bother  and as far as other kids going in because their staying at your house try putting yourself in her shoes if your playing with a group of kids and they ALL go in your going to want to go in too your not going to want to be singled out  kids dont always grasp that concept they tend to be all about them(her petting the dog thats diffrent i agree she needs to be taught that she cant just go up to people anamils and pet them it could be dangerous)

edit i should of added this is just when like the kids go in to grap something real quick get a drink if the kids are going in to stay in and play your daughter should always make a point of asking you bottom line is we are all more tolerant of our own kids because their our kids if you have a realitivly peaceful community maybe it was a bad idea it probably has created tension but its whatever you feel comfortable with if it was me i would of sucked it like i said kids are kids and if i was the other parent i probably would of severed ties just to make it easier on evryone involved

Answer 2

im sorry

Answer 3

I don't think you did anything wrong, you asked  the girl politely enough times. All these type of questions get me, do these people never check on their kids, or if they are driving the neighbors crazy? They need to respect the fact you are not on vacation and even if you were it is you home and your decision.

Don't feel bad, you did nothing wrong. But I am kind of an anal person myself LOL And I am anal about keeping an eye on my kids as well.

By the way how old is the girl and how old is your daughter?

Answer 4

If it bothers you so much, put up a fence. It doesn't have to be a big wood or metal thing, just some small garden fencing to block off the yard and give the kids a visual boundary.

You don't mention how old they are, but it's possible that if they are under 12, you are asking for something that they are not developmentally ready for, to be able to identify invisible boundaries and stay out of them. Younger kids don't realize that your rules are meant for every minute of every day.

You've already handled the situation, and you can't really change that. It does seem like your daughter picked up on your feelings because she enjoyed playing with her for a while, but then wrote that she doesn't like that girl. What you might do is once a week host a little play group, and tell the child thanks for giving you time to study, and that she can play only on days when she's been invited because of the work you have to do.

Answer 5

I'm in almost the same boat, I live in a public housing development because I'm a single mom and rentals here are extremely expensive. I have worked my entire adult life and couldn't imagine not working (I took a year off after having my twins, who have medical issues). The majority of people in my development don't work, and have some different cultural norms about what is accepted behavior.

Right now it's summer vacation, but I still go to work every day.....I'm not staying up until two in the morning, I have to be up at five or six every day. There are kids running up and down the street and in the playground until midnight some nights, they will knock on my door at seven in the morning on a Saturday (my kids sleep in on the weekends...so early morning hours are my sacred quiet hours). They will follow my kids right into my house, ask my kids for whatever they are eatting or drinking, etc.

I'm also a private person, I enjoy quiet and time to myself. Their parents don't care what they do, as long as they aren't bother them.

So you aren't wrong, at all. It's the other families false assumption that every is on vacation like they are. If they are offended, it's their fault, not yours. Kids walking into your yard when you have a dog is a huge liability. You have every right to live the way you want to, be that quiet and private or having parties every day.

Answer 6

You sound like me...there are times that I just want to be alone and not all kids get it.  We had a neighbor kid like that when I was growing up.  She lived with her grandparents and what she said went.  She'd come over to the house and walk on in like she owned the place.  She and my brother were a few years apart and she said she was going to marry him.  lol  Bless his heart, she ran him nuts!  My mother spoke with her grandparents and asked that she at least knocked, but it didn't do any good.  We finally wound up moving, as we needed a bigger house, and couldn't stand the invasion any longer.  

I know you feel like a heel, but you asked that she be kept out of your yard, off your patio, and to respect your privacy for obvious reasons, and you need to stick by it or the problem will just get worse.  I'd advise that you respect your own wishes by not allowing your daughter to run amuck at their house (not saying she does).  It will show them that you give the same respect that you're asking from their daughter.  

You weren't rude about it, after all, and you asked for space for viable reasons.  Stick to your guns and do what you've gotta do.  Like Mama always says, They'll get glad in the same shoes they got mad in.

God's blessings on you and yours...Always.

Answer 7

What you did was right. They should respect your need for quiet time becuz of your university. This is your house and your property. They should not come by to play without asking for you or your daughters permission. Maybe try to sort something out where you can set aside some time for that girl to come over and hang out and pet your dogs, a time when your not working. Then you both will get your time to yourself and that girl can feel happy knowing you want her to come over. Ask the parents to help to so you can be sure the girl follows this new schedule.

Answer 8

Build a fence. LOL We have a couple kids like that. come and around and then just start fights.....we had one come over EARLY in the morning (I happened to be up on the computer) I told him the whole house is sleeping and he came back 15 minutes later - I told him to bug off LOL

We have other kids who are just rude - they come to the door and "tell you" to get them a glass of juice - excuse me? I don' think so!! I "tell them" to get out of my yard  - luckily for me - I have a lock from the inside of the gate if I really don't want company (they give up after a while LOL)

Answer 9

I don't think you were wrong in this.......but I could see why their parents were offended......Just imagine what you would think if someone said that to you about your child.....Everyone has a different perspective....and when things are said some take it to heart......You just have to word things in a way which you think people will understand without think you're saying something bad about their children ya know.

The fact of the matter is.....kids will be kids....I imagine everyone gets aggravated every once in awhile.....Don't sweat it.

Answer 10

You did exactly what anyone would do that is busy and likes their privacy. Dont worry about hurt feelings, you got the message across without being too mean. Enjoy your peace :)

Answer 11

No offense but I think your being a little anal about the whole situation.  Have you read your question? A very natural reaction would be for her to follow your child into the house if they are playing and your daughter walks into the house with school friends. Its also very normal for kids to knock on a door if they want to see if a friend can play. You have banished a child from a patio and have likened her to a dog? While some of the issues needed to be addressed (such as playing with your dogs when your not present) the others are truly nit pickiness. Why do you feel your privacy and space have been invaded by one child? Obviously you allow other children to stay at your home and do the things your complaining about.

Answer 12

1.Don't leave your dog outside unattended if you're going to be a b**** about people petting it. Build a privacy fence or keep your pet inside.

2.Don't allow your daughter to go to her house to play if the other little girl is not allowed to come to yours. You said you want it to be a double standard, but it is.

3.Don't allow your daughter to play or hang around the kid if she's writing mean things in her journal about her. If she doesn't even like her then why is hanging around anyway? That makes absolutely no sense.

It also makes absolutely no sense why you would let your daughters other friends come in and out of the house and not even allow the other one on your patio. Whats wrong with you? Obviously you don't think she's as cute as you say she is because you're treating her like a leper.

If one child is not allowed to do something then the rest shouldn't be either. People like you make me sick.

Sounds like you think you're family is better than theirs because you're locals and not holiday residents.

Answer 13

You are not being anal, you just value your privacy. Is there a way to put up a fence? that should alleviate the nuisances.

Her petting your dogs unsupervised is dangerous, even if your dogs are usually very mellow and sweet. I have 2 very well-trained dogs, but they get grumpy and snap when they have ear infections or when they've had a shot that day, and there's no way an outsider can know that.

You can get in legal trouble if your dog snaps at them, even though it wasn't your fault (or your dog's fault)

Who cares if you offended them, it's your yard and your property.

Answer 14

I dont think you did anything wrong and i dont think you offended them. The parents simply took the hint and told their daughter to stop. You should be happy that it sunk in that she cant be there unless shes in your yard. After all, its YOUR patio, YOUR house and she is also bothering YOUR daughter, and you dont want much to do with her. So now its time to enjoy your time, 'cus she might come back.

Hope i helped!!

Answer 15

ummm to tell you the truth im kinda confuse cause i was listening to music and reading at the same time..