Question:

Did I fix all the problems in my poem?

by  |  earlier

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A follow up to my last question:

Is the wordiness and choppiness gone?

Would it still be odd to give this to a friend for her birthday?

Lilies of white,

plaited on emerald blades of life.

Pillars threaded through a canopy of oak,

like strings of warm light.

Beauty, painted with puffs of air,

and spun into stained glass wings:

a masterpiece, which kissed the strings with

flickering shadows.

Like a Cherub, she glid,

dancing to the lilies' praise:

"Blessed beauty, young butterfly,

sweet angel of the wind!

Dear Melissa, sweet butterfly,

all splendour from within!"

Pleasant harmony,

beaded on strings of poetic dance.

A stanza in motion:

flowing, swirling, bubbling.

A beauty of wings,

cherished by lilies of white.

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1 ANSWERS


  1. No, I think it would be perfect now! She will love it. Good luck.

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