Did I go too far to do this because my neighbor keeps staring at me when Im outside?

Question

I have a new neighbor who is married but he always seems to come outside and is always watching me when Im out in my back yard. I have a 6 foot tall wood privacy fence and he can stand out on his deck and see right over my fence. I have a pool and noticed him staring at me when IM in the pool. I also have a 10 year old daughter by the way. Well I feel really uncomfortable with him staring at me. I have said hi to him a few times and said how are you but never got a response at all. Ive been nothing but nice to him. Well I put up a rope and hung 2 white queen size sheets up to block the view of my pool from his deck. Do you think I did the right thing? I don't want to confront him or his wife because I don't want to start a feud in the neighborhood. I am seriously thinking about getting a permit to raise the height of my privacy fence by putting a double lattice piece to raise the height. What would you do with out starting a feud? I own this house by the way.

Answer 1

I would make sure this gentleman isn't a s*x offender http://www.nsopr.gov/.  You may also want to check his criminal record if you know his name.  Many states have easy access to this; for instance, here's Oklahoma's site http://docapp065p.doc.state.ok.us/servle...  You may feel a little better about his peculiar behavior if he doesn't have a criminal background.

Hanging two queen-size sheets is an excellent solution.  You may also want to talk to other neighbors to see if they have any negative impressions about him.  Raising the height of your privacy fence is also a good idea.  If you're married or have a male partner (or even a male friend), you may want to make sure this neighbor sees this male partner or friend in the backyard with you.  You don't know this man; you don't know his history or where he came from.

People often don't respond to greetings for harmless reasons--they're shy, they're hard of hearing, they're intimidated because they're new to the neighborhood.  They also often don't respond for sinister reasons--they're stalkers, they're abusive to women, they have a psychiatric diagnosis and are on medication.

I lived alone until I was 30.  I was stalked many times.  I've been watched from a second-story bedroom with binoculars.  I've been stalked by men from age 17 to age 70.  Many of the other posters have made good suggestions.  Except the one about approaching him directly; I wouldn't advise that one.  At least not until you talk to other neighbors about him.

Answer 2

Do you really wish to carry on living your life and your daughter's life by putting up with the totally unacceptable behaviour of this weirdo? You have to stop it NOW before it goes any further. Your daughter is going to be affected by this too. If you feel unable to confront him then don't you have a close neighbour you can trust and talk to? You need the local community to back you up and for that you have to be brave enough to confront the issue. None of your neighbours will want this perv anywhere near their kids if they know what's going on. Trust them and call a neighbour meeting or invite a few round for a drink or snacks and bring it up then. Please don't keep accepting this or trying to hide yourself why the heck should you. But you do need support and you probably know how to get it better than me. In the UK we have a service called Citizens' Advice Bureau but I don't know if you have similar organisation in the US. They advise on rights and provide emotional support. They certainly wouldn't expect a woman to put up with that behaviour and would advise calling the police. I hope you resolve this as I know what it's like to be stalked.

Answer 3

I think you did the right thing--you probably just want a lower key solution.  Can you plant any fast growing shrubs or trees?  What about putting up market umbrellas between the fence and the pool--would that be tall enough to block his view?  

If, by some rare  chance, he comes over to ask why you did that, I think you can say, "Well, Bob--I noticed you staring our way a lot.  I tried to be friendly and say hello, but when you didn't respond, you seemed unfriendly, and that made me even more uncomfortable when you stared.  What do you think is a fair solution?"

Answer 4

how did this question end up in this category this should be in a weird question category or strange neighbor category I really did not want to answer this but you need to talk to your neighbors dont procrastinate DO IT and be done with it the fastest way to get this resolved is to go over and talk to your neighbor. .  .NOW!

Answer 5

Put a gazeboo in his view.Sounds like another stupid pervert.

Answer 6

I personally think you did the right thing. You did not confront him and you are protecting you and your daughter from his view.

If someone ask you why then you should tell them EVEN if its the mans wife! tackfully of course.

We all have to protect our kids from perv's like that

GOOD FOR YOU!

Answer 7

scary