Did I hurt my one month old by letting her cry it out just twice?

Question

I know that a one month old is not old enough (and there may not even BE an "old enough") to start "crying it out" or using the Ferber method. But my husband coaxed me into letting her cry a couple of times because we were just so exhausted and didn't know what to do to get her to sleep. I have since decided not to just let her cry anymore, but did doing it a couple of times (for 20-30 minutes each time) cause damage, or is it only if you keep doing it?

Please leave out comments on how I shouldn't let her cry, I know that and don't plan on doing it anymore, I already feel like an awful mom already... :(

Answer 1

It's in the past.  No sense in stressing over it now.  Of all the mistakes parents will make raising their children (and I've made some spectacular ones), this is barely even a mild mistake.  You've learned from it, and that's great.

Really, don't give it a second thought.  Stressed out moms have stressed out babies, so make your peace with this and move on.

Take care.

Answer 2

You already know that CIO is insidious.  And yes, twenty to thirty minutes is horrible for a one month old baby.  You know that.  All things said, I seriously doubt you did her permanent damage for only doing it twice.

Look at it this way--your child didn't stop crying, so she didn't learn that you are neglecting her.  CIO only works because it's a learned response.  Your child didn't learn it and didn't give up on you, so move on and enjoy your precious bundle.  She will know that she is loved and that her needs will be met.

http://drbenkim.com/articles-attachment-...

Have you tried co-sleeping?  Perhaps she was resisting sleep because she wants to be closer to you.   There's nothing wrong with holding your child and keeping her close.  That's what she needs.

http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detsleepth...

Answer 3

i dont think any harm will come of it. but like you said, i wouldnt do it anymore.     oh and your not horrible. i just think your baby is a little young.   ive done it with my son when he was seven months old. he was perfectly fine, but didnt want to go to bed.

Answer 4

Please don't feel awful. Babies cry. That is how they talk to us. If she was crying and stopped breathing, then I would be concerned. I don't know about the Ferber method. I used the book Babywise. It uses a scheduling method, which helps with their eating,sleeping, burping,activity levels. It worked for me. It is ok for the baby to cry like 10 minutes.

You'll do fine. Hang in there. Parenting is a hard, challenging and rewarding experience and what work for me may not work for you. But hang in there and don't give up. Crying won't cause her damage.

Answer 5

im sure she's ok, but you're right for not doing it anymore. a few minutes here and there is fine (esp. when you just need to walk away for a minute) when nothing works and my daughter keeps crying i just make sure to cuddle with her on the couch so she at least knows im there for her, at thisage thats what is most important i think.

Answer 6

You're not an awful mum, and no one has the right to make you feel like one. But  am pleased you decided not to let her cry, I hate to hear a baby being left to cry, luckily my duyghter's now very contented (12 months old) .

  It seems a little hippyish but baby slings are a real life saver if your baby doesn't seem to want to sleep. The ring slings are chep to buy, easy to use and make life so much easier! When we put my daughter in one it was because she was only 4 pounds, all the other carriers were too huge! She went right off to sleep in it, and even when she woke up she was happy just to watch me. They seem to comfort babies because they're close to you and the movement as you do things rocks them. She spent alot of the first 3/4 months in one then as she got stronger she spent more time on the floor rolling round but we still use it when we're out and we dont want to take the pushchair.

  Using a sling does not make you a strange hippy earth mother, at least i really hope it doesn't otherwise I think I may need help! But it's the best way i know of getting peace and quiet and once she's asleep you just sit down with the sling on, or carefully take it off and lay her in her cot on top of it so you don't disturb her.

  You wont have hurt her, and remember, no one has the right to critisize, you're her mum, you know best.

Answer 7

As long as you know that she's not hungry, in pain, needs changing, etc. Then there is no harm in letting her cry, especially if you are exhausted yourself. At least if you leave her safely where she is, you can get your head together and when you do approach her again, you are ready to deal with her and not feel like you can't deal with her and yet you have to, which makes you much more likely to snap and do something you may regret.

I think the whole motherhood thing is one massive experiement anyway, and what one mum may choose to do, the other wouldn't dare try.

You'll find what's best for your baby as time goes on. Good luck!

Answer 8

Im not going to yell at you But I wouldnt do that. At that age the only way they can tell that they have needs is to cry, They can t be spoiled at that age. Basically their life is eating, sleeping and pooing. Its a big secruity thing also.if  they cry and someone comes to comfort them they will know that someone is there. I know you are tired but hearing them cry for that long time didnt make you feel more rested probalby made you feel worse.

Answer 9

It didn't case damage, and it's okay to let them cry it out... but maybe wait until she's a bit older.  They say the first three months of a baby's life is like the 4th trimester... so after 3 months go ahead and try it again.  Even if you're not comfortable letting her cry it out, it's okay to wait a couple minutes before getting her.  This will give her an opportunity for her to soothe herself.

Sometimes Moms and Dads need a break... it's okay to put her down and walk away for a few minutes.

Answer 10

Please learn how to swaddle!!!!  Saved my sanity!!!

http://www.babycenter.ca/baby/newborn/ho...

Answer 11

Don't stress yourself.  You've a whole life of love and comfort to give to your baby.  Your baby will benefit from a calm and confident mummy.  Don't forget though that some babies need 5-10 mins of settling time without constant interference from mum and dad.  However, you're the mummy so go with your gut.  It is better though that you start the strategy of laying your baby down awake so they can fall asleep without your help.  There's no point in being forever sleep deprived!! Good luck.  

Answer 12

she will prob be ok, just dont do it again, like you said! good luck!