Did I make the right decision with my 13 year old?

Question

I was a very young mom. I did everything for my son. He was spoiled, always rude to me and always disrespectful but i let it slide because it was me and him all the time. His dad is in the picture but he's more a friend than a parent. I recently married, had a baby and now that my son is a teenager, he's more rude and disrespectful. So for the first time, I actually stuck to my guns and threatened to take his baseball city series championship games away from him. I threathened him and took it away last night. How else could i have taught him a lesson? Talking/yelling, counseling isn't working..... So i took away the one thing he really wanted. he wasn't happy but i do hope he learns to respect me more and understands I am not playing around and will not tolerate being taken advantage of. was I wrong?

Answer 1

You were right! By not letting down, you show who's boss! Good job Mom!

Answer 2

no, thats the exact thing you need to do to make you're point. granted you're son will be pissed but he will know better.

Answer 3

truthfully i think you did the right thing, also it gives him something to moan about with his mates. I loved having excuses for that and had plenty.

hopefully he will learn respect and start behaving better, and if he does start behaving better, reward him (like a dog lol)

good luck, stick to it.  

Answer 4

he deserved to be punished , so do not beat yourself up over sticking to your guns.  if he really wants to earn his baseball city series back , he will approach you and say he is sorry { and mean it } and want to work out a deal for a punishment that suits you both. the ball will be in your court , try and work out a compromise if the time is right..but make him work for it by showing you respect . good luck.  

Answer 5

you did the right thing , well done.

Answer 6

Yes, you did the right thing, and bravo for taking a stand. Though he is an older child, he is still a child and you still have time to instill in him good manors and good habits. He has been hateful and disrespectful in the past to you, how well do you suppose he will do in society in a few years?

No, you did the right thing; but you need to stick to what is important. You are his mother, his parent, and though you and he should be friendly to each other, but as his parent you are not his "friend". Don't make the mistake of trying to win a popularity contest by giving in any more to his defiance and contempt.

Good luck!

Answer 7

I do not think you were wrong

Answer 8

I think you did the right thing. He needs to learn to respect you more. But when he was younger, you shouldn't have spoiled him as much.

Answer 9

That's good. That's what parenting is about. Taking away his games away from him won't kill him. Maybe it will make him more respectful and less spoiled.

Stay consistent.

Answer 10

Are you meaning you took away participating in a sport?  I never understood that.  Sports are often the one good influence in a child's life.  I would have started by taking away going out, having friends over, the tv, phone, ect..

If you took away his sport, possibly one of the only good things he is doing, you are just going to cause resentment and further disrespect.

Now, dont get me wrong, I am a tough love person.  BUt I dont think taking away sports is the question.  I have just seen too many parents use that as punishment, and then afterwards the child doesnt care about the sport.  Especially if its competitive and you have just taken away from him the possibility of winning.

Answer 11

you did the right thing. you should continue doing it. but maybe because you got married and have a baby so he's not happy with that, that's why he's acting rudder. maybe you should talk to him. but acting rude isn't the right way to express his feelings. i think it was right to give him some punishment so he knows he was wrong.

good luck

Answer 12

I'd say he will react poorly because this has been a long time coming. He isn't entitled to the baseball. Not taking the games away would mean that you are more concerned about his athletic future than his behavior.

Stick to your guns and keep being firm.  

Answer 13

Good job, stick to your guns. Make sure you don't spoil the new child like you did the 1st one.

Answer 14

You absolutely did the right thing.  Your child has to know that he cannot be disrespectful and rude,  If he is being disrespectful now it will not get better as he gets to be an older teen.

Answer 15

no. you were absolutely not wrong. if he talks back to you or disrespects you, then ground him and don't let him go out. teach him a lesson. you are in charge, you're the parent.

Answer 16

Absolutely you did the right thing and don't feel bad you did the best you could as a young mother. And it's not too late to start teaching him that he needs to be respectful and follow rules in fact with times changing and kids growing up to fast now it the best time to start doing whatever you need to in order to turn him around. Good for you and you stick your ground don't change your mind or let him earn it back that will back fire and he will not learn anything. We where young once you know! I used to run game on my mom all the time to "earn" back what she took away but I didn't learn anything that way except that my mom was easy to fool! Even now she admits she felt bad and gave in and it was a bad thing to do she tells me never to do it with my kids.

Answer 17

You were right in doing that. Now you need to be consistent and stick to you guns. Good luck.  

Answer 18

You did the right thing.  

Answer 19

You did the right thing but honestly I have to say it makes me so mad when parents do this. You don't discipline the kid for years and now HE has to pay for that mistake. It's not his fault. You say his father is more of a friend to him than a parent, well that is what you have done as well.

I think you have no choice but to be hard on him now so he can grow up and have a normal life and learn the reality of the world, however you should remember that this is because of your own mistakes, not because he is a bad kid. That's what makes me so mad, it's like you are punishing the child for your mistakes. I don't understand why people don't just discipline properly from the beginning. This is how so many kids end up getting spanked or even abused...because the parent didn't do their job from the start and the child gets out of control and the parent ends up resorting to harsh punishments to try and gain control when they could have had it all along. I am sure you won't like what I had to say but I'm not going for best answer here, I'm giving my honest opinion and I think you know I am right.

UGH...then you have all these people here praising you for taking a stand and all that sayng "bravo"....Bravo? Bravo for raising a kid to have and do whatever he wants for 13 years and then suddenly deciding it's time to be a parent and teach the kid? Strange. and to the poster above me...the kid doesn't "deserve" to be punished, he NEEDS to be disciplined and because he hasn't been isn't his fault.

Answer 20

you did very well!

good work. :)

Answer 21

Of course he has to learn to respect you, u did just fine!

Me and my brothers are very nice to mum but my youngest sis is spoiled just like ur son and she is also bad-tempered!

Answer 22

well done you i bet you feel a mix of guilt and good at the same time but stick to your guns !!!!! xxxx

Answer 23

you did an excellent job!!

CONGRATS!

Answer 24

Probably the right thing but don't forget to reward good behaviour as well. And make sure he knows you care.  He may smirk now but will remember in years to come when he matures and needs you.