Did I make the wrong decision?!?!?

Question

OK..my husband and I just got married. We got tons of gifts for our kitchen and house. He is mad though because he doesnt think he benefits from anything we got. I told him he needs silverware to eat and plates to eat off of. He asked if he could use the Target and Sears giftcards to go buy stuff.. He went out and bought $200.00 worth of video games?!?! I am kind of mad because that money is supposed to be for us to start our lives with and he spent it on video games. He is also in flight school and very short with me sometimes. He always says that I cannot stress him out. Meaning I cant say whatever I want to say to him, but apparently... he thinks he can say whatever he wants to me and I should be able to handle it. Thats what he told me to my face. On top of that, the other day his best friend and I were joking around with him and when we went to bed, he yelled at me for the way his best friend and I were joking around. I apologized and said well dont just blame me, it was not all my fault. He continued to say the most awful things to me such as.. I was not his best friend (but I am his wife). Also, he told me he doesnt want me pointing out the fact that he can be mean sometimes.. aparently that makes him mad. I dont get it.. he can be the most sweetest guy ever then turn on a dime. I am sweet right back to him until he turns, then so do I. It's like I am feeding off his energy... HELP.. What would you do? Therapy doesnt work by the way!

Answer 1

You are both infantile. You want to play house and he wants to play games. You are gonna have a mess of problems 'cause neither of you are prepared for adult life...let alone being married. Where can you go to take lessons on being married or being a grownup? I don't know...I do know from your discussion that both of you should have spent more time during recess playing with the other kids...I say this with care to hopefully have you open your eyes at what you are saying. Take Care

Answer 2

Your hubby is an immature douche.....get your tubes tied!!

Answer 3

Don't believe the person who tells you this is what marriage is always like.  My husband would never treat me this way, and we have been a couple for eight years now and best friends for another three years before that.  It sounds like you went into marriage with your eyes closed and ended up with a jerk.

Answer 4

He's no good , childish and self centrist .. Don't waste your time...

Answer 5

I cant believe you just got married and you didnt see any of this before getting married. If you did and thought that it would change because the ring slipped on, well good morning cuz it wont and didnt!!!

The only advice that I can give you is to stand your ground and not allow anyone to treat you this way. Tell him how you feel, if he sont listen, leave. If that dont work, well then enjoy your long journey of a wife that is treated like his dog!

Answer 6

Hmmm, my suggestion is to print all this off and leave it somewhere he will see it, so he will see what a goose he is. Don't have kids with him, you will regret it. I would be looking for a lawyer - he is a jackass.

Answer 7

I bet $500 and 6 months

Answer 8

Well, was he like this before you got married?  You must have known him pretty well to decide to marry him.  Did you think things would change?  He sounds controlling and selfish.  The fact that he can be sweet sometimes means nothing.  You say therapy won't work, but do you know this by experience?, because it sounds like that's what you both need.  

Answer 9

Communicaton is the key to a successful marriage.  My husband and I have been married for 10 years.  It took probably 8 for us to totally get into the "swing" of being a team.  You have to always remember that you are both on the SAME team.  He needs to see that you are his "other half".  Write him a letter and include all of the answers from Yahoo Answers.  It may just open his eyes to seeing what an immature husband he is being and make you closer.  I agree, do not have kids right now untill you get this worked out.  It would not be fair to bring someone else into this relationship at this time.  Hang in there!!

Answer 10

You may have made the wrong decision, yes.  I truly hope for your sake He matures alot the next few months or you are in for a miserable time with him.  I guess what you have to do is just draw the line at certain times and tell him to back off since he's not being reasonable about certain things.  I've never been good at holding a grudge and really don't believe in them however it sounds like if you don't youre in for a harder time dealing with him than if you hold them.  Of course you'll need to pick your battles and there will be times you need to just forget about some of the little c**p he pulls and walk away from a fight but others where you'll just need to stand your ground and tell him how you really feel.  He's living in the past with his way of dealing with a wife.  You need to bring him into the present day and hopefully that can be achieved in a few months.  Good luck.

PS...you're right...therapy is over-diagnosed.  It can't be a fix-all when so many therapists out there are so hard to relate to.

Answer 11

No, you´re just adjusting to marriage and it´s normal to have differences from the start. Remember your lives have changed, you were used to making your own decisions pretty much without asking anyone´s permission and spending money on what you liked. It´s hard at first to realize that once married it is about we and not me, but it takes time to understand this. What you need to do is talk with him about all this issues and work them out one by one. First about the money, you both have to decide what the money will be for, budget and month payments. Then move on to all your other conflicts and remember that to get to an agreement you´ll both have to committ and give in, until you get to a middle point. Marriage is about negotiating what is best for both of you so you both be happy, equally.

Patience is the first and best way to deal with all your problems and it´s the hardest one to achieve, but you will with time.

Answer 12

Your husband sounds like he can dish it out but can't take it. He's a sensitive little boy too if he can't handle a little ribbing from his best buddy and yourself. If I were you I would simply be yourself. Don't try to be someone your not just because your married. If he gets snippy get snippy back. He doesent sound like a complete lost cause, yet, but it does sound like he has some growing up to do. Be yourself and if that doesent work out nothing else will either.  

Answer 13

ya i am kinda sad for you.  To me it seems like he wants to control you and tell you what is wrong and what is right for you. And if he doest not like something he will give you s*** not thinking about what you really think. hm mm

Answer 14

DON'T GET PREGNANT!  Give this marriage time to prove itself, because it doesn't sound promising at this point.  You don't want to bring a child into a relationship that's shaky.

Answer 15

i think some hoe you did make the wrong decision, but not your fault. do not get pregnant. give some moretime.

Answer 16

First off, when people give you marriage gifts it is assumed that you will use them maturely and wisely to purchase things you will need for you home. I would be pissed if I found out someone went out and bought video games. He sounds very immature. He is also verbally abusive and you just got married. He is controlling and nasty. Consider an annulment. And tell him its tradition to return wedding gifts if you break up the first year. God forbid he have to give back his video games.  

Answer 17

This guy is a child in a man's body, I wish you the best if you don't want to spend the rest of your marriage like this than he must get help or you get out now before there are any children.

Answer 18

sounds like he expects a lot more from you then you do of him which is like living in a double standard. point things out to him when they cross your mind, don't let them pass. he says you can't say what you want to him but he should be able to say whatever to you and you should be able to handle that??? that's messed up and totally wrong. i wouldn't stand for that at all and neither should you. put your foot down with him and point out all his contradictions. don't stay in a miserable relationship, not saying you're miserable but it seems like it could get to that point soon if you don't do anything. and yeah, he may be sweet but as soon as the bad out weighs the good and he's not willing to change, that's the beginning of the end. don't let him treat you anyway he wants without realizing he needs to compromise. stand up for yourself and if he doesn't like it oh well. don't put up with bs, life is too short to be unhappy.

Answer 19

My God why did you marry him???? Look follow your gut, your gut probably tells you that he will not change and he probably wont...

Answer 20

Wow, all this and u guys just got married huh! well hun what can i say other than welcome to married life, expect alot more of this, u have only just begun!

Oh BTW> i do expect alot of thumbs down, but i am telling the truth!