Did any of you see that CNN show Black in America?

Question

There was a question posted about it.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AiwEPpe1DQdGtP0kBRJtNh3sy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20080724184222AAVeZdw&show=7#profile-info-ed8b60c26bdc9942423d650ed48c1cd3aa

I think he missed the point of what that first segment was saying. No where did it say that college educated successful black women are lonely and unhappy because they can't find black men. It said that they are not looking for a black man. The education gap between black men and women is so high that they are only dating men outside their race.

I find this to be true for many black women, including myself. The last time I dated someone black was back in middle school. And most of the black women that choose not to date are happy enjoying their life as being successful and single. Why are so many people misunderstanding this when it comes to black women?

Answer 1

"I think he missed the point of what that first segment was saying. No where did it say that college educated successful black women are lonely and unhappy because they can't find black men. It said that they are not looking for a black man.."

I think you have selective memory.

The screenwriter was the example they used of black women who are open to interracial dating. They also said that she decided to date other races only after giving up on finding a black man. She also said that she preferred black men.

The other woman was not giving up on dating black men only,

The segment began with how difficult and how competitive is is for black women to find a black man. That doesn't sound happy to me. The hostess also said that these women were NOT single by choice. Also, Oprah did a show on single black women. 70% of black women are single because they're less likely to date outside their race.

You also missed the point of my question. The education gap is growing in all races. The question was how would you deal if the education gap kept increasing, how would dating look then. Would all women suffer the same dating issues as black women...

Answer 2

I think you have a point, however, the issue that I have with some black women (and yes, I am a black female) is that they are quick to say that there are no good, successful black men to choose from, when in actuality, what they mean by good and successful could be right in front of their eyes yet they are looking for black men whose income is in a certain brackett. If they find a "good and successful" black man who happens to make less than them, then somehow that black man does not fit into their definition of a good man. I think successful black women (not all of course) tell themselves that they should be happy being single when in actuality, they really have not done much to find a man who suits them in the ways that matter, only in superficial ways.

I am not saying that there are some women who are GENUINELY happy and contented being unmarried or even single, but I believe that with black women, well, all women really, they have tricked themselves into believing that so as not to appear desperate or admit that they want companionship. My sister is the perfect example. She always raves about wanting to be single and have a baby without a man and being strong and independent and the moment a guy shows her some attention, she goes ga-ga and starry-eyed and begins fantasizing about a relationship she doesn't even have.

So, yes, I agree that black women are not and should not limit themselves to just dating black men, but I think black women need to be honest with themselves about why they are not finding black men. They need to be looking within themselves as well as externally to find the answers instead of throwing up these generic statements that really are not going to be of any benefit to them when they are old and alone and wondering what went wrong in their lives.

Answer 3

Ward , I dont think it's that black men prefer white women...SOME DO but you cant say all. I think that its a mix of what you've been raised around, your views and things like that. SOME black men date white women only because they have been told that white women will give them anything they want and that they can basically run over them (stereotype). While there are those who truly love their white mate. I dont condone this at all , as no one should be used no matter what color they are but we have people who do this in every race. Now as a Black woman, I will date whomever seems to have something going for themselves no matter what color they are, because love goes beyond color lines.

Answer 4

I've heard something like that before, but it was actually about black men. It was the exact same thing as what you're saying, but reversed. It was even on the Tyra Banks show (lol) when she had an all African American female audience during Black History month.

What I heard was that men are climbing the corporate ladders and there are fewer black women in their work places. Because there were fewer black women that the men saw every day and associated with, it became a normal thing for them to date someone within their proximity. The women in proximity turned out to be women who were not black.They were saying that, that is the reason that black men date out of their race so much. Many black women in the audience were actually saying that they were looking for black men, but the "good" ones were taken by women of other races.

I'm going to go off and find you some links and try to show you what I saw that day, and what I've read before about this subject. I grew up in a black neighborhood and have dated black men before, and feeling the anger from black women about the men I've dated, I almost feel that your argument can definitely go both ways.

This link isn't "credible" by any means, but says that black women ARE actually looking for "good" black men but can't find them: http://www.mybrotha.com/nogoodmen.asp

Here's a forum that touches on what you were saying, but the only part about educated women I could find was this:

"Reston, Va.: Can you please get to the root of why so many Black men in the DC area seem to only want to date outside of their race when there are literally hundreds of well educated gainfully employed Black woman available?

Kellina Craig-Henderson: Good question. But really, the numbers of Black men in interracial relationships in the DC area are no greater than those in other large metropolitan area. I would say however that the numbers educated gainfully employed Black woman available are disproportionately greater here. The latter has to do with a few things including their increased rate of participation in government."

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/con...

This article says there are more educated black women than men, and black women with degrees outnumber black men with degrees 2:1.

http://www.insidehighered.com/news/2005/...

Like I said before, i think you can argue this either way. If education is directly correlated with dating outside your race, it would seem that you were right, black women seem to be more educated. However, I don't think being educated and successful are the only two factors that black men are dating other races. I don't want to post the reasons because I find them to be harsh, but if you want to see someone's opinion on why black men are dating outside their race, here's an article (like I said just opinion and of course these reasons aren't true for every black woman)

http://www.blackstate.com/dateblackwomen...

Answer 5

Oooh - Black women prefer white men.

That's good news, cuz I'm a FREAK in the sack, and black chicks are so cool when it comes to s*x.

Answer 6

I think people are mistaken on the notion that black women need or can't survive w/o black men. But I think we've done just fine and infact have shown that once we get rollin we can't be stopped. Black women we accept or rather acknowlegde hardships that come with being a black woman, but we don't make excuses for it. We say hey, this is what it is, BUT we go for it! The only ones who are lonely and suffer end up being the fatherless black children.

Answer 7

I remember hearing this on Oprah nearly two years ago.  It is nothing new.  My husband went to a historically black college..though he is white (about 50% of the population is white now), and the large majority of the black students were female, I would estimate it at 70%.

However I think we need to question what we, as a society, are doing that makes so many young black men feel they do not want to go to college or cannot.  This may be part of our answer to why many young men in general are turning away from college as well.

Answer 8

I've never noticed or wondered about this, but it's interesting to know.

Answer 9

"Black chicks are cool when it comes to s*x..."?

Wow. That was some seriously racist shitt.

Answer 10

I understand where you're coming from. For example, I'm a black woman that is not married, and never had kids (will be 30 in September)I’m a Navy vet, with a job that pays well,  and am used to pretty much taking care of myself. And I have spent the majority of my life single because of the fact that I felt (based on what I seen with others) that most black men where only about:

1. Playing games: they where not looking for the future wife, they where just looking for the here and now.

2. Finding the woman that looked like she belonged in a Hip Hop/Rap video. And if she didn’t fit the mold of “video vixen” then she wasn’t his type (which is the complete opposite of myself)

3. Finding a woman that would take care of them vs. bringing equal or grater to the table in a serious relationship.

This in some cases is true with some men, but not all men. I found myself looking down on a lot of brotha’s, judging them based on their physical appearance (how they dress, how they talk, and how they carry themselves in public) generalizing and placing them into the same category as “Rapper wanna be’s” and “Thugs straight out of jail” (and in some cases some of them where, again, not all of them) And if they where not educated (or trying to get their education) with a stable career, and staying out of trouble, in my eyes they where worthless, and I  didn’t want to have anything to do with them.

I had this very strict list of things I was looking for in a man that if I didn’t find those traits in him then I wouldn’t even waste my time with him. But, because I was so judgmental of brotha’s, they too became very judgmental of me. Viewing me as being “stuck on myself” or placing myself on a pedestal that they couldn’t reach. I was told that I talked “Too intelligent” or “white” by some black men, or I looked like I “Don’t play games”. Meaning that it would take some serious hard work for a man to get with me, work that most of them weren’t ready put in over time for. “Why waste my time?” one guy asked. “You’ve already let me know that I’m not your type”. This made me stop and re-evaluate how I viewed men, and how I perceived them to view me. Now, I didn’t accept the first thing that came my way, but it made me realize that not every man is going to fit into that mold that I’d cast of the “ideal man”. I hand to understand that there are going to be good men who’ve had problems in their past with their money, a divorce (where kids are involved) and maybe even jail. There are going to be good men who don’t work in occupations that pay as much as mine, but it’s still a job never the less. I wasn’t so much as hung up the looks of the man I would chose to be my mate, but I had to get over the fact that I’m not going to be every man’s type, but I will be what someone is looking for. As a successful, educated black woman, I had to get over thinking that I was “too good” for most men, or that most men felt they where “too good for me”.

Answer 11

From my personal experience, black men prefer white women..  A lot of black guys I know have white girlfriends or wives.