Did any1 else feel really pressured to breast feed by their midwife/ HV?

Question

I tried my hardest but i was completely worn out I couldnt do it properly and everything was hurting i jst wanted to sleep. I managed it for 2 weeks and when i said i couldnt do it anymore they were really quite rude to me. Really upset me and i feel a bit like a failure now :(

Answer 1

that makes me furious! how DARE the staff make you feel bad for making a choice for YOUR FAMILY!?

what sort of health professionals leave new parents feeling guilty about their own choices??

you have to do what works for  you and your family, NOT what works for someone who doesn't even live in your house let alone have anything to do with your baby!!

Answer 2

I did breastfeed but if I didn't I know I would've felt pressured as health professionals are all very probreastfeeding. I don't think they mean to be so pushy it's just that they have a legal obligation to inform you of best practice and noone can deny that breast is best.

Don't feel like a failure. You did your best and formula from a happy mum is much better than breast milk from a chronically exhausted and unhappy mum

Answer 3

yes i felt the same way. my son just wouldnt latch on and i wasnt producing enough. i tried for about a month and hating feeding time. then the nurse came to my house and said to me that im suppose to look forword to feeding my baby and its not worth it because its suppose to be a good bonding moment. so i have been formula feeding since. its really not worth all the trouble. some women are lucky with it and some arent.  

Answer 4

What a mean midwife. Its your baby, your breast, your body, your choice. If anyone feels otherwise, they can go f**k themselves.

Answer 5

I have to say my midwife and HV were fab, I BF Lily but not because of any pressure. The weird thing was, when I took Lily for her 12 month check, the HV seemed surprised that I was still BF! My cousin however was treated appallingly by her midwife, made her feel like she was neglecting her lo by not BF and kept referring to bottle feeding as " artificially feeding " They're supposed to help and support new mum's whatever their choice of feeding method. You are not a failure, you tried for 2 weeks and your lo got the benefit of those 2 weeks of BF. It may be natural but it's not easy and it's not for everyone and your choice should be respected.

((( ))) there's a hug for ya. Just ignore them and be equally rude back!

Answer 6

take no notice, it is your body your baby and your life! they prob haven't had kids!  

Answer 7

yes i did with my first was just turned 18 really wanted to breastfeed but really struggled and found it hard my hv gave me her home number and said she only gives it to the mums that are looking after their babies properly and feeding them the right way (surely it should be for the ones that needed the help) but when i told her i had given up she made a big deal of scribbling the number out and saying in front of a room full of people that it was because i wasn't looking after my baby and for being irresponsible i went home and sobbed for about 2 days i was young and finding it all a struggle if it happened now i could stand up for myself i went on to successfully breastfeed the next 3 for around 7 months through nipple thrush twice with one ouch and postnatal depression twice though i put alot of  that down to the fact i had a different hv with them who encouraged me and supported me through it all if only she knew how much she helped me she was the one person i felt i could talk to openly about problems she never pushed me its because of her i want to become a nurse and be that supportive person for other people back to college in september with 4 small children will be fun i really hope you don't let these people get to you we are all just finding our own way in life and have to do what we need to at the time so all the best to you and your baby never know next time it might be easier you did what all mothers should and tried many dont so i take my hat off to you  

Answer 8

i felt pressured by my mother in law so i tried it and was unsuccessful. i learned to say no, i was under enough stress, and stood up for yourself. don';t bother with what other people think, your a good mother either way!

Answer 9

yes i felt the same and the same thing happened to me, my son just would not latch on properly and he just wouldn't feed and hearing him scream because he was hungry just broke my heart.  So i fed him on formula and i regret not breastfeeding because the breastfeeding n**i's made me feel bad!!  I still feel bad now!! Your baby loves you whether you breastfeed or give them formula and as long as they have love then that's ten times better than a mum who breastfeeds and then doesn't bring their kids up properly!!

Answer 10

I have had the opposite experience which has surprised me.

The hospital I had my baby in are pro-breastfeeding to the point of being militant about it, so imagine my surprise when I had issues with my son feeding when he was born because he was very unwell - I was *forced* to give him formula on one occasion even though there was nothing wrong with my milk supply. Why? Because they didn't have *enough staff* to show my partner or I how to cup feed him expressed milk (after this we taught ourseleves and after 40mls of formula he has only had breast milk)

Since we have been home I have been amazed at how quickly people have said about supplementing with formula instead of giving breastfeeding support - over half of the women at the b'feeding group I go to are already supplementing feeds with formula - I was stunned!

It sounds like you are getting a bit of a raw deal - at the end of the day its whatever is best for you. You are not a failure and they should have offered you support not criticism.

I have ignored a lot of what I have been told and got on with it on my own - especially when I was told to *give up* trying to express when I asked for tips and advice!!

Answer 11

To be honest I felt pressured from everyone to formula feed......(yeah a little backwards)

My baby boy was tongue tied....I was told, just formula feed if he cant latch. (he was still gaining weight fine, so I said no)

My pediatrician thought he MIGHT be jaundice..I was told, you HAVE to formula feed (I had her show me the test results first....he wasn't jaundice)

(not my baby's doctor anymore)

My MIL says, why bother pumping now that you're going back to work, just formula feed.

And even in the early days when I had 2 bouts of mastitis, bleeding, cracked nipples, and so much pain from the tongue tie, my husband said 'honey, if you can't take it, just give him formula'

(he now realizes how important bf is to me, and supports me 100%)

I'm extremely stubborn I suppose! He's never had a drop of formula yet.  People really need to mind their own business and let a mother choose what THEY want to feed THEIR baby!!

Answer 12

I know how you feel. My daughter is eleven weeks old. I tried BF and would have loved to do it. I had no cracked nipples and everything was fine apart from the  fact that my little girl kept loosing weight. Eventually we discovered that I was not producing enough milk so started supplementing with Formula. I then had to have Anti Depressiva and it meant I had to stop BF totally. It really upset me cause I wanted to do it...and you don't have to sterilise b*****s and pay for FOrmula. But my child id happy...and that is what counts

Answer 13

Don't let them drag you down, Health Visitors and Midwives are just reading from books, all they have are figures infront of them.  They only repeat what the books tell them.  You tried and that's all that matters, there are millions of healthy babies around the world that are formula fed, mine are no exceptions.  If they bother you that much you have every right to request for some one else to come and do your check ups, that's what I did after mine belittled me about my daughter's weight, I put up with 2 months of that horrible woman,  You're doing what's best for you and your new baby, don't let them bully you into making you and your baby uncomfortable.  Good Luck x*x

Answer 14

yes they were like lactating n***s, made me feel like I was a bad momma for giving up the breast feeding.  

Answer 15

there's definitely pressure from the midwives to breastfeed.  My son isn't due until October, so I havn't tried yet.  I plan on giving it my best shot, but agree that the medical community often makes you feel bad if you can't do it.  Another thing I have found is that my midwife and the lady who teaches my childbirth class are very pushy about how great natural births are! Again, I plan on trying it, but if I feel like I need the drugs then I am going to take them, although I do think my midwife will show visible disappointment.  It's slightly annoying!

Answer 16

God yes, I know exactly how you feel!  I was in hospital for 4 days after my daughter was born as she was very jaundiced.  She could not latch on because the jaundice just made her very sleepy so they told me to hand express my colostrum and give it to her using a tiny syringe.  It was the single most painful thing I have ever done.  Within 24 hours I was a mass of bruises from my neck to my stomach.  It took me about 45 minutes of expressing to get about 3 mls of colostrum and I was doing this every 2 hours round the clock.  No joke - they were even waking me up at 2am to hand express.  All the time they kept saying that I had to do the best thing for my baby etc etc - and in the meantime the poor little mite was starving!  I was in tears literally the whole time.  The final straw came when I was told that my daughter was dehydrated from lack of milk and they wanted to put her on a drip.  These people who called themselves health professionals would actually rather see my baby on a drip than give her a bottle of formula!!!!!!  I finally put my foot down and stood up to them.  I told them that I was switching to formula immediately. Of course I then got a 15 minute lecture on how I was "letting my baby down" and one midwife actually asked me why I didn't want the best for my daughter!  They eventually gave in and she got a bottle.  She was fine, she did not go on a drip and now 10 months later she is a healthy and happy little girl.  These midwives should be ashamed of themselves for treating new mothers like this - I was already scared and overwhelmed after the birth.  I did not need this extra pressure.  I will never let this happen to me again - I am wise to them now so I will stand up for myself and my child!

Answer 17

One of the nurses at the hospital gave one of my friends a guilt trip. She felt so bad for not breastfeeding, but she had to go back to work, so she could not do it. It is not for everyone, this is why they have formula! Dont feel bad!  

Answer 18

Yes, yes, yes.  I know exactly how you feel.  Before I had my baby, I immersed myself in all kinds of literature about breastfeeding.  I had all the needed materials; I was ready.  Then I had my baby.  NOTHING went right.  My daughter wouldn't latch on properly, my b*****s literally sprayed blood.  It was crazy.  Deciding to put my baby on formula was the hardest thing I had to do, because I was convinced that I was cheating my daughter out of something important.  I beat myself up about it, and cried my eyes out every time I fed her, because I felt like I had failed as a parent.  But you know what?  We're doing just fine.  My baby is putting on weight wonderfully, and she's healthy and happy.  You have to do what is best for you, and to the people who try to make you feel bad for what you decide to do for your child, tell them to whip their breast out and feed the baby if it means that much to them.  If they choose not to, then tell them to eff off.  Just know that you are not a failure.  You tried, but it didn't work out.  The way I look at it, I was formula fed, and I turned out just fine.  I'm still living.  Don't worry about the nay sayers.  Enjoy your baby, and just focus on having a wonderful time being a mommy.  Good luck!

Answer 19

I didn't breastfeed my two, and although I was offered all the literature, and help if I wanted to breastfeed, I was never pressured to do it. The only pressure I felt was from other mothers who seemed to think they were better than me for doing it, and the fact that the hospitals are covered in "Breast is Best."

Breastfeeding is without a doubt the best food for baby, however, you tried, and just because it's not for you, it does NOT mean you are a failure.

Formula milk these days is safe, nutritious and healthy, your baby won't suffer because you can't breastfeed them.

If you are unhappy with the way they treated you, you are totally entitled to ask to change to another HV/Midwife.

Answer 20

Don't feel like a failure. You would actually be surprised by the number of moms who just can't and/or won't do it. It's just as many as actually do breastfeed. Tons of doctors/midwives, etc.. pressure the mom into at least trying it one time. I wouldn't do it, and I couldn't even try to get myself to. My doctor told me that "...we are all mammals, and it's not that bad.", and I told him that he is a man, and he will never even begin to know how to do it. LOL I just couldn't have someone "hanging" on me all the time, and I know that is wrong to say because it is MY child, but still!!

So, don't feel bad. You're doing alright. =]

Answer 21

Yep they did with me but my baby didn't want it at all, he didn't even want the bottle for a few days but all the time they kept telling me that i am doing wrong by my baby and its best for them if they have breast etc and it really annoyed me! even when i had just had him i was so tired but they kept comin in every 5 mins forcing him on my breast! he was fed thru a syringe for the first 2 days cos he didn't want anything but then he got used to the bottle and stayed on it since.

You are not a failure at all!! dont listen to them babe.

Answer 22

ur not a failure.  i recently encountered this attitude when my sons g/f had her baby she ended up in tears so did her mum and nearly my son over it, the midwife that came was so horrible to them and sent them to hospital as baby wasnt feeding and she was determined to make her breastfeed him.  at hospital they were so nice to her gave him a bottle and he was fine since then he has had bottle and mum baby and everyone is happy. dont beat yrself up about it. my daughter has just successfully breastfed her third baby after not being successful with the first two. i myself couldnt manage it with mine either and all of mine are happy and healthy.   good luck.  

Answer 23

You really shouldn't feel like a failure!! If those nurses were rude they were being ethically incorrect. By law they are NOT allowed to force/pressure you to breast feed. YES it is recommended, but in the end it is YOUR choice. Some women just do not produce enough breast milk, and it can become fairly painful, so the only other option is to bottle feed using formula.

I was only able to breast feed my son for a month .. i didn't produce enough food and it just got too painful. don't wear yourself out trying. and don't let anyone else pressure you into doing something that just doesn't work. There are other options.