Did anyone adopt because they didnt want to be pregnant?

Question

I want kids but I have no desire to be pregnant is that a good reason to adopt?

Answer 1

maybe they adopt because they cant be pregnant.. not that they dont want to be pregnant

Answer 2

Yea that is a good reason.

I don't want kids at all. But if i were to consider it I would deff adopt.

Answer 3

They do it but personally I find it a bit distasteful.   I know a few ladies who adopted because they didn't want stretch marks and I must admit that made me kinda nauseous

I must stress though that adoptees who seek out their birth parents are NOT looking to replace their adoptive parents.  My search for my own birthparents has only brought me closer to my adoptive mother, because she has not put a guilt trip on it and is not threatened by it.  We are secure enough in the relationship between us to not let that happen.

I think when an adoptive parent is insecure and wants to prevent an adoptee from searching - THATs what puts distance between the aparent and adoptee KWIM

Answer 4

If you want a child but dont want to get pregnant than adoption would be what's best for you.

Answer 5

I'm afraid the anti-adoption group will pounce all over you for asking this.

IMHO, that's one of many good reasons to adopt. You won't be adding to the over-population problem and I think that is very responsible. Not every female is cut out to give birth and many have been advised that they would be better off not trying because it might endanger their health.

Thanks for your honesty. Best wishes and good luck.

Answer 6

I am adopted and I think the same thing. For some reason I just have this gut feeling that pregnancy would be wrong for me. I think that by being adopted myself and knowing what an adoptee goes through it would be successful.

I also understand that I will never replace their birth mother, I will be the provider of material things, morals and love, and it is my role to listen and talk them about their issues as an adoptee.

Open adoption is the most benificial for all parties, if not, try to get as much information as possible from the foster carer or birth parents because the child will someday ask.

A child that is adopted will rarely ditch you for their birth parents, once they find that connection they will feel happy that they know where they came from. Even though there is not the same bond or love for an adoptive parent, an adopted child still feels an attatchment to the adoptive parents, so I wouldnt worry about that aspect.

Just remember that an adopted child will feel abandoned, guilty and have on going grief that you should be prepared to help them go through at their own pace. This child will need you to understand what they are going through, to be honest, not hide things from them and be a supportive mother without making them feel like they need to pretend to be a good child because they were chosen.

Answer 7

Yes I think it's a good idea. I don't want to be pregnant because honestly, i'm afraid of what my body will look like afterwards. I also don't want to get stretch marks. It may seem stupid but that's my opinion. I always wanted to be pregnant and have a little baby inside of me, but the outcome of what different parts of my body will look like just totally changes my mind. Plus, adopting is very kind thing to do. Your saving a child. :]

Answer 8

You are totally not ready to adopt.

If you're worried about your child having a connection with his or her first mother, DO NOT ADOPT. Being a parent is not about YOU, it's about your child, and what your child needs. And adoptees have special needs... including nurturing of their relationships and connections with their biological families.

And no, not wanting to be pregnant is not a good reason to adopt.

Answer 9

I think adopting is a great idea for everyone who has an open heart and an open home.  Yes, many women prefer to adopt versus, actually having a baby.  My sister is one that will be adopting.

Just think of all the children out there that need a good family.

Answer 10

Don't believe what you see in the media. Most adoptees don't even look for their birth parents, I know my cousin hasn't. Neither did my half-brother look for his birth father. And those who do, generally regard their adoptive parents as their "real" parents and the birth parents as either links to their past or as additional family members.

As for not wanting to be pregnant, I guess that's as good a reason as any. It's your life and your family and it should be up to you.

Answer 11

I have absolutely no desire to give birth. I've been thinking about adoption, but not for many years in the future. I would rather bring a child from a bad situation into a good one, than create a child who doesn't understand how much better s/he has it than others.

Answer 12

being pregnant is a beautiful thing but nothing wrong with going right to adoption

Answer 13

yes, of course its is a good reason to adopt a child. but beside that I think the best reason to adopt a child is that you are taking care of a life which has already come into the world and which is neglected.

Answer 14

being pregnant yourself is alot more special and easier!, go for it,, but for me i wanted to b pregnant, and did it 4 times, xxxxxxx

Answer 15

Oh Charli - an adoptee should be allowed to know and love his/her first family - if at all possible.

An adoptee has come from another family.

Not allowing that adoptee to know and love their first family is a cruel thing to do.

Adoptees have two set of parents - two families. They should be allowed to love both - if that's what they choose to do.

Adoptive parents that make it all about themselves - end up having very strained relationships with their adoptees.

Would you like to be taken from all the family that you are related to - and never be allowed to see them again - and if you did go looking for them - be made to feel guilty for wanting to know your genetic links???

The most well adjusted adoptees that I know (and I know close to 100) are the ones who have adoptive parents that allow for those links with their first family - and lay NO GUILT on them for choosing to know their family of origin.

An adoptee doesn't choose to be removed from his/her mother/family. So the adults must make sure that they are adopting for the right reasons & that they care fully for the emotional & psychological needs of the adoptee.

Please consider your options carefully - and make decisions about it being in the best interests of the child.

That is what adoption should be about.

About giving a loving home to a child that really needs one.

Right now - it sounds like you just want to make it in the best interests of you. I really wish you would reconsider the adoption route - if you want to have it all your own way.

I know too many adoptees that are emotional wrecks - because of the actions of their adoptive parents.

Answer 16

That is a horrible reason to adopt.

As a childfree woman I can certainly understand why you don't want to be pregnant, but that is no reason to adopt a child.

It's pretty simple. If you want to be a mother have a child of your own.

If not, be childfree.

Answer 17

While not wanting to be pregnant is a presonal choice, I can't help but feel kind of sad for women who feel this way.  After being pregnant with and giving birth to my own two kids, it is so totally worth it, stretch marks and all.  Nothing is more emporwering than creating a life and enduring a marathon session of pushing that life into the world.

But, to each her own, I guess.

If you do adopt, I just hope you decide to take in a child from the foster system, look at that sweet 15 year old girl who just asked on here, she needs a loving home.  Would you provide one for her?  If you don't want to ruin your lovely figure, then I hope that you give a secure home to these children who need one, and don't go on MySpace begging for babies from pregnant teens.  Separating babies from young girls simply because of their age, or income level, is not the same as adopting a child who really, truly needs a home.

Being an adoptee, let me also add that some of us do feel the need to seek out and find our first families.  This shouldn't become a problem to you; on the contrary, we would only love you more, as the adoptive mother, if you could find it in your heart to be supportive and understanding.  We don't go looking for our n-mothers as a replacement; we go looking because she is simply our mother, and we want to know who she is.  Wouldn't you want to know?

After all; a mother can love more than one child, right?  So why can't a "child" love more than one mother?

It's not a competition.

Answer 18

Maybe. Others are unable to become pregnant, so they adopt.

Answer 19

The bond that develops as a baby developes in the womb is amazing. There is a connection like no other that indeed does continue to exisit across time and space.

I couldn't wait to find my mother and she always wanted to know me as well.  Reunion is amazing. You'd never be able to replace someone's mother.

Here's a vote for you to resolve your fears about pregnancy if you'd really like to be a mother.

Rachel - adopting a child so that s/he will "understand how much better s/he has it than others." is a questionable motive. There is no gauruntee that one coming from even a bad situation will be glad for being with you. If it's gratitude you seek; save a dog from death row.

Answer 20

To the first part of your question: No.  That is not a good enough reason to adopt.  You should have far better reasons that that.  Adoption should be for the benefit of a child - not as a solution to your fears or aversions.

To your additional details: If you are not able to accept that an adopted child has his/her own original family and history (yes, even 9 months in the womb is a HUGE part of their history) which they have a human right to know, then you should not be considering adoption at all.

Answer 21

i think thats jsut being lazy honestly...i was adopted bc my birth mother couldnt take care of me and my other two siblings...she kepy the other 2 ..one older, ony younger, and got rid of me, i dunno..but theres not a day that goes by that me or her doesnt think about what it would be like if she wouldnt have given me up. i think u want a kid but dont want to go throught the work to get it, it would mean soooo much more if u had it yourself. this is what happend with me...ive always knwon i was adopted, but it didnt actually hit me till about a year ago...then i found my brith sister on myspace and weve been talking non stop latley. i dont want to get close to my real mom even , i know why she gave me up and how she feels, but i still hold that against her. i love my birth sister though, thats the only interest i have in my real family...i just think u should know what youre throwing yourself into before you adopt someone!!!

Answer 22

I think your reason would make me wonder what other hangups you had and as a social worker, I would certainly think twice about recommending you.  However, if it was because you felt you couldn't deal well with babies and instead wanted to adopt an older child, that would be a different story.

I know one person who adopted because they didn't want to be pregnant. However, she suffered from Type 1 diabetes and any pregnancy was likely to be severely detrimental to both mother and child.  Since my childhood neighbor who also had Type 1 had two severely disabled children, I quite agreed with her reasons.

Answer 23

i think if one chooses to adopt a child from foster care or an older child than i think that's fine.  but, if a woman wants to adopt a newborn just because she doesn't want stretch marks or go through the pain of labor, i thinks that's a major slap in the face to those of us who did it.

Answer 24

Sure. But there is nothing like pregnancy. It is a beautiful thing. People have different desires. I was pregnant for 3 months before I lost my child, and I enjoyed every little bit. I thought of adoption, but I am not sure. In your case, I think adoption would be the ultimate step for you.

Answer 25

Having your own kid is always better, you would know that its from your own blood and that it is part of you. You can adopt of course but like you said, that could happen.

Answer 26

I’m sure there are other cases of woman who have chosen to adopt as they don’t want to go through a pregnancy.  Despite what some people claim there are couples out there that don’t have fertility problems  but choice adoption over having natural children.

In most cases even if you’re adopted child one day looked and found their birthmother. Your child is still going to know the difference between you being  their Mom and the woman who gave birth to them. Some people find birthfamily and click; others find them and don’t click. Regardless it wouldn’t change anything between the relationship you have with your child and have had for 18 + years.

Answer 27

I think it is awesome that you have such a desire to mother a child regardless of whether it resided in your womb or not.  There are so many women who have a real need inside to give birth (I am one of them) and I would see it as a gift that you do not have that need.  There are so many children out there with out homes.

I am sorry that you, by asking this question have to endure the insanity of all these people who are so anti-adoption.  I think adoption is a beautiful thing.  

In regards  to your fear of that your adoptive child might one day reunite with his/her biological mother with a result in your intimate mother child bond being lost; my best suggestion is that you decide not to live in fear but rather always be honost with your adoptive child and love him/her in a way that allows them to feel what they feel.

My husband is in the process of adopting my daughter (who was 6 when we married).  I suppose that all of those who are anti-adoption believe that she should endure life with out a father.  I don't know if her biological father will ever come around again (he was last seen 2 days before her 1st birthday) and I can tell you that there is still a bond or loyalty that she has to him.  I have been honest with her about him and she knows why he and I did not marry.  She still longs for him from time to time.  My husband is not bothered by this and neither of us discourage her from what she feels.  I do however make it very clear in those times that she questions his role (my husband's) in her life that he IS her father.  He is there for her 24/7 and treats her with love and respect.  He does not favor the biological son that we have to our daughter who does not yet share his last name.  

Good luck to you!  I imagine that you will be a wonderful adoptive mother.