Did anyone ever have to give up there kid for adoption?

Question

I did a open adoption so I could be in her life, but its not working that well. The adopted parents promised so much and they arent keeping there end up. They are scared because she just turned five and they know she will be asking questions. Iam sad everyday its like the light inside of me died. If anyone as any advise please feel free to write me

Answer 1

I am pregnant now with my 5th child and I was thinking about adoption but I do not think that I could give my baby away.  That would be too hard for me and to hear what you are going through makes me want to keep my child even more.  I have to give it too you, that you are a strong person to be able to do that.  I am happy that you are still trying to be in your childs life however, I would not be able to do that because I would have taken my child back.  Good Luck to you and I hope the adoptive parents can be more cooperative with you.

Answer 2

If you don't have any papers drawn up stating that you are allowed to be involved in her life, there's nothing you can do. My mom adopted my son so I was able to be in his life. I really feel for you. You need to talk to an attorney. Good luck.

Answer 3

No hun, thankfully, I never had to expeirence that, but I commend you for doing what you felt was right for your daughter.  Talking with them without her around might be a good thing.  Express your feelings and listen to theirs.  Try to find a middle ground.  One thing you could do to prepare her for later when she does become old enough to choose to see you on her own and would make you feel alot better, is make a keepsake box.  Get a baby book and write down all the things they told you about her.  Any pictures you may have of her, make a scrap book adding to it your feelings and thoughts along with your prayers for her.  Keep a diary written to her.  Express how much you love her or any regrets.  This way when she's older, she'll see that you really truly did what you knew was the best thing for her and tried not to be selfish.  I wish I could give you a big hug right now.  You are a very strong woman.  Good luck sweetie.

Answer 4

Question: Do you keep in touch with them, or is the open adoption arranged as just a one-way sending of news, from them to you?  They may not be scared, just finding it difficult to correspond when it's a one-way street, even if that was the agreement.  You may be doing this already, so this may be useless advice, but write them a note.  Tell them what's going on in your life and how much it means to you to be in touch.  It may perk them up and get them going again on their end of the bargain.

Answer 5

Talk to the parents first. If they're unwilling to adhere to the contract that they agreed to, then you'll have to speak to an attorney about it. Not sure what can be done, but it's worth a shot.

What exactly is it that they're not keeping up with? Did you have an agreement to write and receive letters from them, pictures?

We  have an open adoption with my boy and his folks. It was in his paperwork that we'd keep in contact via letters, pictures, even the occasional phone call.

We have literally thousands of pictures and received at least one letter a year for the past 18 years.

Now that he's 18 we have no idea what will happen. We've extended an invitation to communicate, it's up to him and his folks if they want to talk with us. If not, I'm cool with that. I'm adopted too and have no clue as to my birth parents and their kids. I've never had a desire to pursue finding them either. I know who I am and who my family is, so it's not a big thing for me.

Answer 6

I can't believe they would do that, I know some adoptive parents want loyalty from their child or undivided attentions but that child is probably going to find out soon or later.

Answer 7

u should definately talk to her adopted parents and i was adopted(by my grandparents) but still knew my real parents and it was a good thing i think if u all agree....u should tell her the truth....when u all think shes ready i know by five i knew about everything.....who my parents were and that i was adopted...it kinda made me feel different but special at the same time because my parents knew better than to try to raise me.....and that they cared enough to give me to oter people who also cared about me.....so i mean the more she knows about how many "parents" she has....she'll feel very loved.....and yes it can be challenging and she'll definately have alot of questions....but be honest with her it will help her out in the long run.......good luck!!! u'll need it....:)

Answer 8

I wish I had made my child's adoption an open one, but I thought I couldn't deal with knowing where she was but not being able to have her. It has taken me a long time to adjust that she is in a better place and raised by two parents that love her. Not that I didn't love her but at 17 I couldn't give her what she needed.

My advice to you is talk to the adopted parents, let them know your fears also and maybe you guys can work out a good plan that will be both good for you both.

You don't want you daughter to hate either of you for denying her information about her biological family. Let them know that they should tell her about you and let it be her decision if she wants to get to know you.

Just remember, when you gave your daughter up for adoption, you gave away your right as a parent. Feel very lucky that the adoptive parents are letting you see pictures or seeing your daughter.  Unless the promises are put into writing, you cannot do anything about it. Just pray that you all come to a good solution and not hurt your daughter in the process.

Answer 9

If you coudln't care for the child it's good that you gave it up, you can't expect the parents to have you in their life all the time, it's just confusing for the child. This is why parents don't like open adoptions, the birth mother grows up and realizes she might have made a bad choice, and wants to be in the childs life confusing her. I'd do the same thing. I would send pics and letters, that is it.

Goood luck, if they have had you in their childs life for 5 years, she already knows you, all they should say is that youre a friend.

Answer 10

yes i did 21 years ago and I'm still hurting wondering what she is like what did she turn like

Answer 11

No, luckily I never had to experience this feeling.  But, I understand how hard it would be.  Ask to talk to the parents, and explain how you are feeling.  I am sure they will come around sometime.  It is as hard for them as it is or you!!!!