Did anyone recently put a baby up for adoption??

Question

I have known from the beginning and felt that i was going to give this baby up; i know i do not have the stability in my life or the maturity yet to raise a child in a good environment. the father and I who had dated for a couple years recently have split and this was the last thing that i would want to happen, but then the more i looked at adoprtion profiles i have realized how my child and decision could be a blessing for someone else. Basically i just need advice... or stories shared. Any Regrets? things should or shouldn't do.

Answer 1

Nope... and I never will give up my future kids.

Answer 2

You have never said how old you are...nor have you stated what support you have in your life...counseling?  "We" online cannot make such a life changing experience for you...I can only tell you, I am an adoptive mother...who has met the birthmother after 16 years.  When we met, I told her has gave me the most selfless gift anyone could have ever given to anyone out of love.  I have remained in contact with my son's birthmother since that meeting.  She has NEVER interferred with my parenting, nor has she ever tried to START anything.  It depends on YOUR situation at this moment and WHEN you deliver.  You need some counseling for such a  BIG decision.  I commend you for not aborting your baby...many young women consider just what you are going through...seek counseling...even if it is from a minister...

Answer 3

My story is almost word for word the same as snowillow's. It took me almost 20 years to get on with my life though. I self medicated over my guilt. My daughter got a good home with good parents, so it worked out, but it was very hard on me for 28 years. Birhtdays are the worst, only to be followed by Christmas and Mothers Day. What ever you decide don't let anyone make you feel like you aren't capable of parenting your own child or that it wouldn't be best for them, because being with their first parents is what's best for children. Adoption can work and it can be good but it should be a last resort. Read others peoples stories, read about agencies, read about original birth certificates. Read anything you can before you decide.

Good Luck

Answer 4

"What you should KNOW if you're considering adoption for your baby" http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pd...

Evan B Donaldson Adoption Institute's study on "safeguarding the rights and well-being of birthparents in the adoption process" http://www.adoptioninstitute.org/publica...

(that one is a longer read, but very important to read)

For me personally, living with the concept that I wasn't good enough to parent my son and that it was a self-chosen declaration changed me from who I was in my core.  I should have risen to the challenge of parenting instead of resolving that I wasn't good enough.

Answer 5

WOW... So, it sounds like you have a tough decision to make.  I was on here searching for information on adoption and came across your message. I want to share my story with you.

At, 9 years old, I was diagnosed with a disorder in my pelvic region which prohibits me from ever having children of my own.  At 13, I began babysitting. Every free night, I would babysit; loving children and their innocent curiosity. At 16, I began working at a children's clothing store and collected different outfits in all sizes, hoping that one day I would get to use these clothes for a baby I would adopt. I am now 28, I live with my husband and his girls. But.... I long for a baby to share my life with. I dream everyday that I will find one to love or one will find me to find a home.

So many people these days are against adoption.  They say it is because the child will wonder?  If you treat the child with respect and allow them the truth their entire life, they do not wonder. Also, if the parents are truely working in the best interests of the child, then they (birth&adoptive) will all make sure the child's questions are answered.  

I wanted to share my story with you, because if mother's, like you, didnt think about adoption and find loving homes for their babies, then mother's like me, who deperately want to love a child, never would.

Some people would say, that is selfish... I say, someone did not want me to have a child by birth, because he knew there were soo many children whom would need homes.

We are still looking for a child to share our home and our hearts.

Answer 6

Your child is a blessing for YOU, not someone else.  I know it may seem overwhelming now, believe me it does for all new mums but you grow and mature and you learn as you go along.  I am an adoptee.  I was relinquished because it was meant to be in my best interests and although I had wonderful adoptive parents and a great upbringing, I should have been with my natural mother, and she knows it and I know it.  A relinquished baby knows that there is something missing and continues to know this throughout its life, just as its mother misses the child throughout life.

Try to find help and advice.  Turn to family and good friends.  See if you can find a way so you do not have to spend your life wondering about your child.  IF you really cannot do it, then do what you must, but don't give up your baby as a gift to someone, a life is not a gift that can be handed over.  Your baby is your blessing, allow yourself to be blessed.

Good luck!

Answer 7

I think that you have already made up your mind.  You want your child to be in a stable home with mature parents and a good environment.  It's a lot to live up to and you don't see yourself there yet.  

Please know that there are social services out there to help you with parenting, food, and shelter.  Society is getting better at supporting young women with children.  But at the end of the day - you are the one who chooses to parent or to place.

Word of advice - stay away from anyone or any agency that pressures you into placing your baby with them.  You have a right to make this choice with out being pushed one way or another.

Answer 8

Most of the people here telling you it's a loving thing to give up your child - are adoptive or prospective adoptive parents.

They want your child - or a child just like yours.

They want you to believe that you can't be a good parent - to get your child.

That's also what the adoption agencies will do.

They want your child.

They will make loads of money from your child.

The people that are suggesting that you keep your child - are the one's MOST affected my adoption - the mother's and the adoptees.

No mother and child should be separated - unless their is danger present.

Do look at the links that Magic has given you.

Do not make any decisions until your child is born.

Do not let anyone tell you it's a loving choice - because deep down all a child wants - is to be loved and cared for by the woman that he/she grew inside for 9 months - which is YOU.

You can do anything you put your heart and soul into.

There are ways to keep this child - here are a few links to look into about what help is available out there -

http://www.singlepregnancy.com/

http://origins-usa.org/Default.aspx?page...

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org/

(click on the 'Pregnant & Need Help' in the left list)

Be very very aware of your rights.

Open adoptions are not legally enforceable - but they are what is best for the child.

All children need to know where they came from - who they look like - where their talents came from etc etc - for better emotional and psychological health.

I've lived adoption for 38 yrs - and although I had a loving adoptive family - my a-father died before I turned 1 (so I grew up in a single parent family) - and I missed growing up with my bio mother and all my siblings.

There are NO guarantees in adoption - and sadly it's a long term solution to an often short term problem.

My mother was forced into relinquishing me by her mother.

All my mother needed was to be told that YES - she could be a great mum - if she just gave it a try.

Adoptive parents may choose to close up the adoption at any time - just be aware - they'll tell you whatever to please you - until they have your child.

Please just know your rights.

What's ultimately best for this child - is to stay with mom - and that's you.

I wish you and your baby all the very best.

Answer 9

Adoption is an amazing miracle. But it isn't for everyone.  Same with parenting in a difficult situation.

I encourage you to seek adoption help from an organization that will give you control of the process.  And one that specializes in private adoption -- that is, between you and the adoptive family.  This will give you more choices.  Try Lifetime Adoption -- www.LifetimeAdoption.com

Also, insist on open adoption, even if you don't think you want it now.  You don't know what you will want but if you have the option, then you will always be able to get the info you need to find the peace that your decision was the right one.

Best of luck to you!

Answer 10

My wife and I can't have children we would love to adopt your child.

Half my cousins are adopted and they are healthy and happy and stable.

As to how will you feel do you truly want this child if no, then give it up( if secretly yes, then keep it ),and to regrets yes it will cause a few and probably be hard but the heart is strong and if you get a good couple to adopt then you can stay in touch with them.

Answer 11

It has been almost eight months now since i gave my beautiful daughter to her adoptive couple. It was almost too much to bear at first and i thought that when i heard from them it would make it worse but it honestly made it so much better. just to hear about how about how happy she was and how much they loved her eased the pain. You just have to remember that you DID do the right thing, it was the most selfless thing you ever could have done. you wanted something better for your baby and for you. Move forward, make it count for something on your part....she will be fine but make yourself better also

Answer 12

I've had a few years to ponder on the subject of placing my daughter for adoption, 36 years to be exact. Was it the right decision, that's what I told. Did I ever get over the guilt, no. Was I depressed for many years. Yes. Did I cry on every birthday. Yes. Was I able to go on with my life, yes, but it was difficult. Did we know the ramifications of how this would affect our child down the road. NO. Would I do it again. no. Would I let my child give a child up, no, I'd do everything in my power to stop them.

Only you can make this decision. Just listen to other birthmoms/first moms and adoptees so you will know how your life will be down the road. Don't keep the secret, it will eat you alive.

Answer 13

first of all im sorry you are in this situation to begin with however i must tell you that children are a true gift of god his miracles and he doesnt put nothing on us he cant bare trust me there has been times i feel he must think im stonger than anyone as to the things i have enduered but  god empowered you at the same time to do what is right for your child what ever that may be only you can decide that good luck and god bless ask him what you should do  youll know then

Answer 14

What is most important is what is right for the child.  If you are in a position to provide a stable, loving, home for your child then you should do so.  If not, you should do your best to find one.  My advice would be to look at open adoption if that is the route you choose to go.  I believe that a child has a right to know where it came from and open adoption can provide for that.  Will you have regret?  You might...with either decision you make.  Just look in your heart and do what you know is right for your baby.  God bless and I wish you all the best.

Answer 15

I'm an adoptive mom, so I can't really address the part about regrets. However it is true that there are some amazing couples/families waiting to adopt, so if you decide that is right for you, you should be able to find a family for your baby that you are really happy with. Also you can decide if you want contact and how much.

Actually I would love contact with our birthmom, but she prefers not to. I understand completely, but have let her know she can contact us at any time in the future.

I'm sure there are birthmoms who are really happy with their decision to place, and some that aren't (sadly). Be sure if you do decide to place your baby with another family that you chose a good agency or lawyer to work with. They should educate you about the process, allow you to talk with other birthmoms, and not pressure you about your decision. The papers are signed AFTER the baby is born, and that is the only point at which you really have to decide. Before that you can make an adoption plan, but can always change your mind. It is your child, and your decision. Make sure that the people you are working with respect this.

All the best.

Answer 16

I just had my son 5 weeks ago.  I had planned on putting him up for adoption my entire pregnancy.  He was conceived out of rape...not to mention the fact that I'm pretty young and am still in college, plus working fulltime.  How was I going to have the time?  I had chosen a family and had filled out all of the paperwork, excluding the final signature once the baby is born.  

You may be surprised when your baby is born.  I just felt this incredible love for him and decided I would do whatever it took to get my life in order so that I could raise him.  And that's what I'm doing now.  I'm very happy with my son.  

A couple of things also helped my decision.  I found out that the adoption agency was doing some pretty shady things in order to convince me to give my child up.  I'm not against adoption in the least...as long as its completely YOUR decision.  You have the right to look at as many families as you want and request financial help, and no matter what you are not obligated to give your child up in the end.  Just make sure you do your homework.  I actually had to change my phone number because that particular agency wouldn't stop harassing me and threatened to sue me for 12 grand.  Its hard to find people that really want what's best for you and your baby.  A baby would be a precious gift and blessing to the right family...but could also be one for you.

Good luck to you hun

Answer 17

I am an adoptive mom, and am hoping to be again, and I have seen so many young women that have called agencies, and been threatened with illegal lawsuits, and being so strong armed into the adoption.

Some women can give the gift of life, and lead positive wonderful lives from it.  I have a friend who is one of my top 5 friends, that gave a baby up MANY years ago, and only just recently told me, which surprised me in one way, and explained so much in another.   She doesn't regret the decision of adoption, just wished she'd been more careful to not get pregnant so young.

We went through a private attorney and had met our son's first mom through a friend.  I even told the attorney that if the first mom needed to ask any questions, to go ahead an answer her truthfully, and that I would be outside in the waiting room, and we would pay for the fees.  We've offered to let her see the baby, which she's made no attempt.  Our son is such a wonderful blessing, and I often wonder where his first mom is, and if she's alright, though I do know a friend of hers who tells me some.  Not only was our son such a blessing, but meeting her, getting to know her, and the bio dad was so great for us, because we know that the way he frowns is just like his mom, and the way he grins is like the dad.  I just know that when he grins, he grins and laughs at us, and with us, because we are raising and loving him every day of his life.  Because his first mom had done a dose of meth the day he was born (luckily, with no long term side effects), it put a strain on our relationship, and she doesn't try to see him, even though she is clean now. (According to our mutual friend).  She actually told me she was relieved that we were adopting our son.  I think from what I hear, that I have more sympathy grief over adopting him, than she does for giving him up.  I'm sad for her, but I'm so glad to be a mom!!!!!!!!  I am now trying to adopt another child!

Answer 18

Please keep your child.

I remember when Liz was on here talking about giving her baby up, adamant she was because this baby was conceived of a violent rape, I felt so bad for her and tried to explain how I felt even though I had loving adoptive parents I still hurt ever single day from being given away.

I was so delighted when I read that she had not gone through with the process of giving her baby away.

That was so powerful and a slap in the face to violence!

SO Please if she can keep her baby after all that and the fact that she goes to school and is working PLEASE keep your baby.

This is a long term solution that can NEVER Be undone to a short term problem

Your baby WANTS YOU

(((hugs)))

Answer 19

I was relinquished by my first mom.  My father had left her, and her mother told her to give me up.

I had good adoptive parents.

But I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish she had kept me.  Adoption has affected me deeply for years.  I still struggle with the fallout.  As does she.  

It's your choice, but please know that your child is not a gift.  Your child is your responsibility.  Not an object to be used to sate someone else's need.

Answer 20

This is your decision but you need to let the father know because if you don't and he finds out then he could fight in court and get his child and guess what your be paying child support so as you see this is all up to both you and the father. Once you give the baby up theres no going back.