Did being pregnant bring your marriage together or make it fall apart?

Question

Well I know I'm going to sound like the worst women ever. I'm married, Pregnant and expecting my baby girl any day now, my husband just got enrolled in college and he told me it was going to be online classes instead of campus classes. I'm upset because He is a Tech manager and he works all the time and the little time he doesn't it now going to be accompanied by school, and I'm worried and upset that he will think its so much better to be away from me and the baby than to be a dedicated father. I grew up with only one parent and I know what it feels like. I'm concerned and hurt that our marriage is going to fall apart and when I have tried to talk to him about it, he doesn't seem to give a care in the world about it. I feel like I'm going to be doing everything on my own, I feel like he isn't going to be there, and I feel like he doesn't care as much. We keep having repeated problems, and I was wondering does anyone have any advice or has been through it before.

Answer 1

My husband goes to school too.  My son was 7 when we got married.  We recently talked and I told my husband that I feel like I am not benefitting from the marriage, I still feel like a single mom.  He is gone all the time, yes, doing something good, but still.  He did care and it hurt him very much that I feel that way and that my son wants to spend more time w/ him too.  So now he takes one full day off a week and comes home early whenever he can.  That is the best he can do w/ his schedule right now.

I am pregnant right now.  Yes, the pregnancy has brought us closer.  But I am worried about being the sole care giver of 2 kids now....we are just going to have to work thru it.  Honestly, to me, if that means that he has to go to school half time but year round rather than full time w/ summers off, I will push for that.  I am going to need more help.

I guess you just have to look at it as he is going to school for himself AND the family and there is an end to it....it will not be like that forever.

He does have to comprimise.

For me it is a bit easier to deal w/ though because I know how hard it is to go to school w/ all the other responsibilities.  I was a single mom w/ ft job, pt job, and ft school and did it all the way through to complete my MBA.  I neglected my entire family (except my son) the whole time I was in school.  That was my sacrafice.  So I get what he is going thru.

Answer 2

well i'm not married but i do live with my boyfriend, and when i was pregnant i had the worse mood swings ever, and it did put a stran on our relationship, but what i think you need to understand is that your husband is trying to better his family, have you talked to him about him working so much.plus to tell you the truth when that baby comes you will be taking care of her that you won't even know stressing about it will only hurt the relationship good luck  

Answer 3

What you fear you create. Don't think so negatively. Think positive. Sounds like you don't have much confidence in him as your mate if you think having his baby will drive him away.

Babies are not magical creatures that bring people together. In fact, most of them drive people apart if your relationship is already rocky. It is not like in the movies where you are crying and happy. Maybe at the hospital but then you get home and the baby is waking you up ever 2 hours and draining you of your energy, and money and keeping you from your "freedom."

My husband and I had our son 8 years after being married. We were very glad we waited. We knew each other very well before our wonderful son came into our lives. My husband and I used to be big party animals. At first that was hard to deal with but now we both love being at home more. My husband turned out to be a great father. He loves being at home with us and around his son all the time. You will be amazed at how a baby can bring the best and worst out of someone.

Good luck.  

Answer 4

my husband works all the time two jobs and i see him rarely but when we are together we make the most of it! he would rather be home with me and our son and our baby girl that will be here soon but he wants to work to be able to support his family it wont be this way forever! just make the most of the time you do have together it wont be this way forever!

Answer 5

No your not the worst woman ever i sometimes feel that way too. My husbands shift changes every week so its hard on him not to be at home with me and the girl and i dont make it any easier on him when i complain that he isnt spending enough time. here is what you have to do to maintain yourself from going completely insane, First of all him getting a job and a better one is really really great he will be able to do the "manly" c**p providing for the household and the only thing you have to do is keep up the household and not complain put money aside and at least 4 times a month make a special date for the two of you. Having a baby will tear apart the relationship on your end IF YOU ALLOW IT. But by being a stay at home mom and not complaining than there is nothing that can tear apart the relationship. He is only doing whats best for you and the baby and you have to recognize that and accept that. good luck

Answer 6

Not to sound like a "downer" but in all seriousness, NOTHING puts more stress to a marriage than having babies.  NOTHING.  The pregancy is NOTHING compared to 24/7 care of a baby....its amazing how a 7 pound person can easily control EVERYTHING!  EVERYTHING!!!!

For MOST women, we do the "brunt" of the babycare but Daddies tend to come into play more as the baby gets older and is "more fun".....

Answer 7

he's probably doing his best to earn a living for his family and all you can think about is yourself...I know you want to spend time with him, but what do you want him to do, quit his job and stay home so you can watch tv together or what??

he has to be responsible. You should encourage him to go to school instead of putting him down, it's just gonna p**s him off more. Plus he's doing it online to satisfy you!!

Don't ruin your marriage b/c u can't be home by urself. My sister got divorced cuz her husband would work all day long, making good money, but she felt neglected. Now she's regreting it big time and suffering by herself.

Answer 8

I see your point, and it would be valid, if your husband were a single parent, but he's not.  He has you and in having you, has the luxury to pursue an education that will secure his, yours and the baby's future.  He should of course, extend you the same opportunity should the need arise.

Answer 9

I'm in your shoes, we're having a baby in a month or two and my husband works 45 hours a week and is in college full time. So that's 15 to 16 hours a day he's gone. He's taking only one campus class and three online classes this semester; so instead of being mad at him, I'm OVERJOYED! Come on, my husband's going to be home almost every night like a normal person! The past year and a half have been tough with him gone all the time but you know what it is NOT forever, and it is nothing compared to being a single parent. You have a husband! :-) He's going to be home with you on his days off and home with you every night doing his schoolwork for class. So why are you freakin' out?  I think maybe you're more worried that he's not going to help with the baby than you are that he's not going to be physically around enough... KWIM? Is he totally lame or something? Never does housework? Now's the time to whip him into shape. GOOD LUCK SWEETIE!

~in your shoes doll!

Answer 10

i don't get women who want to be alot around their spouses.

You're gonna spend a lifetime together, why hog eachother so soon?

If the guy wants to work, he needs to work, if he wants to have a hobby he needs some self time,

Let the man breathe, and get a hobby of your own, and then when he's back from work and you're sitting at the table you can do some talking and discussion, and on weekends or whenever he has a day off, you can go for a small trip.  

btw, it's most likely your hormones are talking.

Answer 11

Oh! I have SOOO been there! I'm pregnant with my second child, my husband is a general manager for the phone company and going to school full time. To make it worse, pregnancy just isn't really the highlight of our married life (for reasons I'm sure you can understand by now) I won't lie, it's a struggle trying to balance everything. My husband works probably an average of 55 hours a week. When he is home, he's on call and trust me, they have no problem with calling him. We've done the online classes thing, and right now he is a bachelor's program for working adults that meets once a week from 6-10pm. Unfortunately he has to drive about an hour to get there. We don't see him AT ALL on Wednesdays. He's a gone a lot. When he is here though, he's a great dad and my very best friend. It's not easy to be the wife of a man who is as ambitious as your husband, but think of it this way - His ambition is part of why you love and admire him right? He's doing all this for his family as much as he is doing it for himself. Pregnancy won't last forever, school won't last forever, and honestly he will eventually settle down in his job too. At the risk of sounding very old fashioned I'm going to give the advice to take care of the home and kids as much as possible by yourself. I'm a stay at home mom and it's the very best decision I ever made. I'm keeping our lives together. It's my job to do the work the work at home, take care of the kids, put the meals on the table, and pay the bills. If that's your job, when he does come home and everything is already in order he will have time to spend with you and your child. It's important (even if it is only for a few hours a night) to have time to connect. Also, stay involved in his life! Talk about work and school and give input in what he does. It's a big part of his life, so be involved. School in particular is a group effort in this house. He's not just working on his future, you both are working on a combined future. Don't worry, your marriage won't fall apart, it's just going to change. And honestly, it will probably change for the better. Sometimes when things are hard and you realize you can lean on your mate for support, it actually makes you closer. Good luck!