Did being pregnant make your relationship fall apart?

Question

Well I know I'm going to sound like the worst women ever. I'm married, Pregnant and expecting my baby girl any day now, my husband just got enrolled in college and he told me it was going to be online classes instead of campus classes. I'm upset because He is a Tech manager and he works all the time and the little time he doesn't it now going to be accompanied by school, and I'm worried and upset that he will think its so much better to be away from me and the baby than to be a dedicated father. I grew up with only one parent and I know what it feels like. I'm concerned and hurt that our marriage is going to fall apart and when I have tried to talk to him about it, he doesn't seem to give a care in the world about it. I feel like I'm going to be doing everything on my own, I feel like he isn't going to be there, and I feel like he doesn't care as much. We keep having repeated problems, and I was wondering does anyone have any advice or has been through it before.

Answer 1

That is so crazy...my husband decided to go back to school when I was pregnant too!  I was really upset cause I felt the exact same way you do, he wanted to be away from us, he wouldn't be an involved dad, all that stuff.  My husband explained to me though, that the reason he was going back to school was to benefit and enrich our lives.  It's actually a good thing and because he is doing something for our family, it makes our relationship better!  

good luck

Answer 2

That stinks, all you can do is express the way you feel.  Hopefully he gets it.  We planned our pregnancy and I think the baby is only making us even stronger and closer.  I hope you both can enjoy the pregnancy and baby together.

Answer 3

I do know how you feel and I believe that your desire to have him with you and "help" you has to do with being pregnant. I have become super attached to my husband since I got pregnant in February. However, I know that his working all of the time and being apart is because he is working hard so that me and his son will be supported and that is what it sounds like your husband is doing to. He is just trying to get himself in a good dad situation and help to make things good for his family. You will see things will work out.

Answer 4

well, if pregancy made couples fall apart.. then there would be no old aged couples  

Answer 5

my relationship didn't fall apart i am now pregnant with twins

Answer 6

Very common worries.  You're not alone.  You just have to remember that he is doing everything in his power to better himself and to be able to provide for you and his child.  In the long run, that's part of being a great father.  Try not to worry and stress so much about the future or its only going to cause more problems.  Having a new baby is stressful and its going to take some time to fall into a routine and for you and your husband to feel comfortable in your new "mommy and daddy" roles.  You just have to accept that and embrace all the change that's going to happen.  The fact that you are already imagining the worst isn't good.  Start thinking more positively.  It'll help.

As for the problems you two keep having; if they are constantly about the same things, then you obviously aren't resolving the issues the first time around.  Work on your communication skills.  If you encounter a problem, sit down and talk to each other (when you're calm) and work out all the fine details of the problem.  If its a financial issue, sit down and make a budget that you can both agree on.  If its romance issues, you both need to talk and have realistic goals.  I had a problem of always wanting my husband to be really romantic like the guys in the movies.  It wasn't until we sat down and really talked that I realized I was expecting far too much from him.  It all seems silly now.

Good luck and congratulations.  A really great marriage is hard work.  You have to work at it just as much as you work at being a great mother or at having a successful career.  Remember that.

Answer 7

If no one ever told you that kids are not bonding, but rather divisive, I'm sooooo sorry.  Usually that stuff gets covered in your Marriage and the Family section of your Health classes in hs.

Get over being hurt over this little thing or that little thing.... hon, it is no longer about you, and your little feelings, nor his either... it is about being parents to a child who never asked to be born.  Bury the hatchet, and the resentment, and if that is difficult, I'm sorry, truly.

You and he obviously  bought into the idea that baaaaayyyyyybbbbeeeeeees are wunnerful, and soooo romantic, and that is sooooo wrong, big time.  They are hard work.  You and he will never know harder work, I promise.  

Soooo, please now make promises between the two of you to stop the cutting remarks, the resentment, the petty comments that spill acid in your relationship and learn to suck it up and at times, yes, just shut the h**l up, as my mama used to say.

You are no longer what he married, hon, and he is no longer what you married, and from this posting, the resentment of that fact is just oooooozing.... and I'm sorry.

If you need help making this mental adjustment, get it in a few sessions of counseling, hon.  The  two of you need to  learn to step to the plate and become parents, a team, the best one on the planet.   Your new baby deserves only the best... the two of you in a loving, supportive marriage,  learning to be all you can be, so that your baby can become all it can be.  And the two of you get that way when you stop the resentment and rage.....

Answer 8

Wow it sounds like we're going through the exact same thing. My boyfriend also works, and is going back to university. I'm scared to death I'm going to be doing everything alone. Don't get me wrong, I want to be a stay at home  mom, but I grew up never knowing my father either, and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. He's a great man, but I'm wondering if we're in over our heads, I'm guessing you're feeling the same way. Honestly the advice I've gotten from everyone is to give him a break. We're already judging them before even giving them a chance. I think it's because we want to be proved wrong, but if we're constantly putting them down...it causes a whole lot of fights. The saying goes that a woman becomes a mother the moment she finds out she's pregnant, but a man doesn't become a father until the moment he holds his child. Once she's here you will be how shocked at how involved he wants to be. You're lucky you only have a few days left, I still have 18 weeks! lol Congrats in advance, and I hope everything works out.