Did he figure out he never really loved me after all?

Question

I moved for him, changed my entire life so that I could be with him, I tried to make it work for a year in this new place and he just wouldn't make me a priority and was just downright rude sometimes. Barely spent anytime with me and I had to make all the invitations and effort. I just felt so unloved and unwanted by the one person I had chosen to spend my life with. He finally verbally said the relationship wasn't the most important thing to him, so I ended it with him because I couldn't take the pain anymore. But I truly love him and tried so hard to accept him for who he was. I called him a week after letting him know I wanted him in my life, but not like it was, he said he needed to think. That was two weeks ago. I am realising that maybe he sees he didn't love me as much as he thought he did and has decided to move on. It still hurts because I knew he would wake up and either see that he truly did love me and want me back, or, that he didn't, as stated above. It was an amicable break up, we both cried, knew we wanted to be together and loved each other, but I couldnt handle it anymore. But seeing that he was so willing to let me walk away hurts like h**l and I know that I gave up my home, my family, my job, my friends, for someone that may not even know what love is. Any words of wisdom on how to get over this? How to get a life of my own that doesnt include him? Also, he is a great person, was there when I needed him for tangible things, was there when I asked him to be there for something specific. But if I needed him for the sake of needing him, of just sharing with him and connecting with him, it never happened, that was the problem.

Answer 1

I am sorry you are hurting, but this was not the man for you.  You cared about him but didn't get love in return.  You gave more than he was ever willing to give you.  You deserve better than this and your strength will carry you through.

Answer 2

Perhaps that spark just wasn't there.  I have gone out with guys who were attractive, wealthy, kind, generous, loving, etc. and I thought I should love them and tried to make myself.  However, without the flame there is no excitment and nothing to keep you holding on.  Maybe he thought you were wonderful and didn't know what was wrong with himself for not wanting you more.  You cannot blame someone for their feelings...even though I am sure you are very hurt.  He never should have let you give up so much for him if he wasn't truly in love and in it for the long haul.  Someone else is just around the corner, good luck to you!

Answer 3

I'm sorry this happened. It sounds to me like you two simply weren't compatible - not because you are bad people or there's something wrong with either of you, but simply because of different priorities, relationship styles, personalities, requirements. It happens. It seems that maybe you didn't know each other very well before combining your lives - so it was a shock to both of you to find out that the relationship was not what you had expected. To state that "he never really loved you" or that he "may not know what love is" is a pretty huge assumption with no grounds for it. You both probably thought you loved each other, but neither of you could make it work. You say that you tried to accept him for who he was - well, it doesn't seem that you were able to truly accept him, as you were unhappy in the relationship and your needs weren't being met. Does this mean you didn't love him? I don't think you can draw this conclusion at all.

That he is willing to let you walk away simply shows that he understands that this relationship isn't working. It's probably painful for him too, and he probably feels guilty about the whole thing - but when you know it's not gonna work, it's only fair to be honest with yourself and the other person.

Yes, it will hurt for a while, but you need to keep on going. You didn't give up your family "for him" - you made a conscious decision to pursue this relationship, as much for yourself as it was for him. It probably seemed like a good decision at the time, so don't go beating yourself up for it. You did what you did, for both of you, but now you're on your own and you need to think about what to do next. Can you move back to where you came from? If it's not a possibility, you should still keep in close contact with your family and friends - even from far away, they are your support network, they can help you through the tough times. Maybe you can go visit them, or they can come visit you. But you need to start moving on; plan where you're going to live, where you're going to work, research possibilities of moving back to your hometown. Life goes on, and you will get over this disappointment in time - as unlikely as it may seem now. There's always tomorrow.

Answer 4

Bad move calling him first.  He needed time to let it sink in that you were gone. I've made the same mistake.  It sounds like he wasn't the one for you.  If he was - you wouldn't have to fight to be a priority in his life.  We think we love these guys - in reality - we love love.  You deserve someone who loves you back.  Love should just "fit" ....two people who care and just respect and love each other.  It shouldn't have to be a fight for attention.  I know it hurts but I think that there is probably someone better out there for you.  You will find him. Good luck.