Did i deserve it? is it my fault?

Question

in my last relationship my partner used to physically abuse me. however i got out of it earlier this year! now i've met a wonderful guy a few weeks ago, unfortunately he did the same last night. it wasn't as bad as what my ex did. however i cant stop thinking did i deserve it and is it my fault!?

Answer 1

No you did not deserve to be abused.  It's not your fault dear.

Answer 2

No.  No one ever deserves to get hit.  You need to end the relationship now.   That is the deepest form of disrespect and betrayal a spouse can do to their partner.  You might have some abuse history in your own family and for some reason this is what you attract.   Please, what ever you do, dont listen to his cries, he will lie to you, tell you sweet things you want to hear, he will promise never to do it again, you should know, you were in a physically abusive relationship b4.  Get away, and be more selective with your men.  Remember, a man will only do to you what you allow him to do.   Put your foot down, you own yourself,  dont let him ruin your esteem and dignity.   Once again, you did nothing to deserve this.

Answer 3

its not your fault, but it sounds like you are attracting this type of guy, look for somethng different! do they remind you of each other?  

Answer 4

As a prior victim myself you know deep down you didn't deserve it!!!  First off, run for the hills and get away from this guy.  If you didn't go into counseling after your last relationship I would really suggest getting into it now.  Check your area for victims of domestic battery and see about the counseling they offer.  It'll help you understand what happened and what happened in the past.  It'll help you identify people with those characteristics and help you avoid them.

Sweetheart this isn't a "wonderful" guy and you know this by his actions.  Don't fall into the same trap, save yourself now before it's too late.  Call the police and report it, file a restraining order if you need to but protect yourself!!!!!!!!

Answer 5

It is never your fault. Get out of this relationship just like you were strong enough to do the first time. Sorry to say, but this "wonderful guy" you think you met isn't wonderful. Press charges against him because he is going to continue no matter how sorry he says he is and if you let him get away with it, it will get worse and he will do it to someone else...You already know everything I'm telling you.  

Answer 6

Noway! It is NOT your fault! Get our and get far far far away from that man!

Answer 7

Of course you didn't deserve it!!  No one no matter what, ever deserves to be abused!  Remember this...if they do it once they will do it again and again,  you should know that from your previous relationship. I suggest getting out of that relationship NOW, and don't fall for the "I'm sorry, I'll never do it again"  act.  Care and respect yourself more and don't let anyone treat you that way!!

Answer 8

I can't think of any reason you or anyone else for that matter would ever deserve to be abused by their partner. Does he think he is a big man for doing this to you? My advice to you is to get out now before you get to attached to him. Good Luck.

Answer 9

It doesn't matter what anyone does, nobody should use violence on anyone.  If he cannot control himself, then you shouldn't be with him.  Do not allow this to happen, otherwise he will get used to it and will do it again and again until you get fed up again.

Get out of the relationship, now!!!

Answer 10

You are being physically abused!! You need to get out of that relationship ASAP!! Nobody ever deserves that!!

Answer 11

You will attract men to you who are abusers.  It's what turns you on.  Even though they don't seem abusive at first, something subconscious in you that wants/needs to be abused knows how to seek out and attract this type.  Just like I used to attract alchoholics before therapy.

Get some therapy.  In the meantime, BE SINGLE.  Better to be single than have some loser smack you around.  End it immediately.

Answer 12

Of course it's not your fault. Unless you are the Queen B___ch of the year and even then there no reason for a  man to hit a woman unless he is defending himself and even still not in every case of self defense. I would reexamine what kind of men Im attracting. Don't rush into one relationship after another. Take your time. Get to know the family. See if he has done this kind of thing before. Do your homework!

And most importantly, leave the jerk you're with, NOW!

Im serious..........

Go and do it now.

Stop reading this and do it!

........

You're still reading........

GO!

Answer 13

Seems like ur attracted to the same type of men , u need to leave.

Did u physically attack him did he defend himself? if its not that u need to go.  

Answer 14

No it isn't your fault however you do seem to pick men who are abusive so you should try and figure out what it is about these men that are attracting you to them.

Answer 15

Get rid of him and find another bloke to knock you around. Some women go through life picking men to who beat them uo!

Answer 16

NO WAY!!! No man has the right to hit you. If he were a man he wouldn't. Get out of this relationship before it gets worse. If you let him think he can get away with it you know he will do it again.

Answer 17

It's not your fault.  You may want to take a look at the guys that you find attractive though.  Many times we find people with the same traits that makes them attractive to us.  It could be that they guys that you like are emotionally charged or have trouble expressing themselves verbally.  It could be those traits that make it seem that you have the same boyfriend, only he has a different name this time.

Answer 18

no, you obvioulsy keep picking the wrong guys.

let me ask you this, where are you meeting these guys? in a bar? is any alcohol involved at all, i only ask because in most abuse cases. NOT ALL,  there are drugs or alcohol involved.

so now, you have to pick up the pieces AGAIN and move on, as i hope you wouldnt be that nieve, or "dumb" to be staying with this guy now? No, of course not, so pack up and move on, kick him out, NO EXCUSES, IF THIS GUY TOUCHES YOU AGAIN, THEN YOU ONLY HAVE YOURSELF TO BLAME FOR NOT LEAVING AND FALLING FOR HIS LYING PATHETIC APOLOGIES. end of story!!

Then take time and get yourself some professional help, cus there is some underlying cause that makes you fall for these jerks. good luck

Answer 19

It may be that you are crazy and men realize this but are locked in to the relationship after a short time.  They try to escape you but to no avail.  It may be you.

But I don't know you.  I really can't say.  

Answer 20

Stop and think about the type of person you seek out. It is not your fault that you are finding the people that will treat you bad, you have probably been treated poorly your entire life.

You really need to identify in yourself what it is that is allowing you to consistently make the same bad choices.

If you can afford it, find a good EFT (www.emofree.com) therapist and get some assistance.

Regards

Lawrie

Answer 21

No it's not your fault that he hits you, maybe you should have a look at the type of men your choosing. It's never your fault, my wife has done things in the past that made me so mad and I still never hit her, so domestic violence is wrong in all cases, do not put up with it.

Answer 22

What is it about your life that you are attracting the same type of personality in each relationship?  Take a hard, long look at yourself and raise your standards to a higher level...You are planting seeds to your future happiness..Good Luck!!

Answer 23

No one deserves to be abused.  You need to get away from this guy as well and take your time with another so you can watch for the signs.

Answer 24

You know its not going to get better but worse.  Just get out of it if you can. You don't have to be abused.  I don't get abused because usually when I get one that fights me...I fight him right back.  I don't play putting your hands on me.  If I have to wait until he is sleep or give him something in his food to make him go to the bathroom. I will do it.

You have to save yourself.  No one wants to get involved when a man is beating a woman because the woman usually goes back to him.  GET OUT NOW!!!!!

Answer 25

more likely is the fact that something inside of you is drawn to this type of man, its not your fault, but you have to get some help, to realize/learn what is ..... spawning this type of behavior, why you are attracted to this type of behavior. I'm no doctor, but did something happen early in life?

I know it did for me.

Please just talk to a doctor or something, you don't have to listen to the advice, but, just hear them out.

Answer 26

If you can't get it out of your mind it was bad enough.  You should leave this guy.  

Answer 27

No one ever deserves to be abused.

You just need to keep searching.

Answer 28

no you didn't deserve it!!?!! if a man hits you, EVER, he is a coward, My mother got beat and we all watched for 14 years before we took a baseball bat and beat him. YOU SHOULD NEVER GO THROUGH THAT. SOME WONDERFUL GUY. DROP HIM BEFORE HE PHISICALLY DROPS YOU. DONT PUT UP WITH THAT. PLUS THATS ILLEGAL IN MANY WAYS. IF YOU NEED ANY HELP, EMAIL ME, WE'LL GET YOU SQUARED AWAY.

Answer 29

Don't ever think it is your fault. There's absolutely no reason for someone to treat another human being like that. That is absolutely ridiculous. You should leave him right away and if he keeps harassing you, call the cops. Go find a man who truly loves you and treasures you. This man you're with right now does not deserve you. Don't give him any remorse of sympathy. Just leave him.

Answer 30

Its a cycle of abuse.  My ex husband used to beat the living c**p out of me, and threw me down a flight of stairs.  I finally got a way from him and started to make me strong again.  One day I met a guy that I thougt was "the one."  turns out a few months later, he started to get abusive.  

Abused and Battered women dont realize it but there is a pattern in men that we look for.  And it bites us in the butt when it happens again.  The thing you have to understand, no matter how much you p**s off the guy, in no way does that allow him to lay his hands on you in anger.  He has violence in him, and does not know how to control it.  You NEED to get out, and do it now.  There is no degree of abuse.  You cant get "sorta" abused.  Abuse is abuse.  What's to say he wont beat the living c**p out of you next time?  What if he has a few drinks and then really gets set off?   Check  yourself into a womans shelter.  Do it as soon as you can.

If you have any children, do It now!!!  Alot of people think its just them getting abused, but if you have children, they take every blow just as you do.  My four year old daughter saw her father beat me to an inch of my life, and then toss me down a flight of stairs, to this day she still cringes when someone yells, or around any sort of men, regardless if its in a store, drs visit.

There are millions of men out there that are lookin for love.  Men who want a woman and treats her like a queen, there is no reason to stay with one that treats you like a doormat.  And I mean it when i say there is no reason at all...not money, food, children, a home, NOTHING.  All that can be replaced, cept for the children, they have to go with you.  

Life is short, dont make it shorter

Answer 31

It's not your fault but it seems like you attract these types of guys.