Did i over react??????????????????

Question

My husband and i decided at the beginning of the summer that i would stay home with the kids since we moved to a very big city from a very small town until they were adjusted i would go back to work. This has caused us to be on a tight budget(but well worth it). He works hard so i feel like i have to cater to him, this morning he told me that he needed gas in his car and it was raining so i told him to take mine well turns out my car was low but he's the one that drove it to work last so i had no idea...i was packing his lunch, fixing breakfast getting his vitamins together (at 5:00 am) when i told him i would follow him to the gas station to get gas, he laid around for a while and i was still busy, he then says to me let's go not giving me a chance to change out of my pj's(old shorts,tshirt), i followed him to the gas station and it pissed him off that i wasn't dressed and HE forgot his wallet with the gas card but i had mine....Called me a lazy *** and if i had been dressed i could pump my own gas...i drove off and now he has my gas card and by the way he called me saying that after i threw my fit and drove off he found his....and now i'm stuck with no gas, no cash, i feel like an idiot. Was i supposed to have just sat there and taken his c**p????

Answer 1

Thats terrible i think he should have solved that himself ,how did he get home knowing there was no gas,men really make me mad,make sure ewhen he come u get ur card back en he should give u back the money how dare he,.

He should apologise for what he did.

Answer 2

Just go back to work.  He obviously has let your unemployment affect his level of respect for you.  

PS.  I don't care how you are dressed, you should NEVER have to pump your own gas anyway.  What a jerk!

Answer 3

i did something very similar to this to an ex bf of mine. he was   abusive to me, and so when he got out at the petrol station to run into the shop, i took off and drove home, (40 mins drive away) and never even looked back. i couldnt believe it took me 2 years before i finally took a stand for myself. nor did i appoloise to him. good on you!

Answer 4

No....but you should have thought before driving off without gas and your card.

Answer 5

There is nothing wrong with pumping your own gas it sounds like even though you was in your pjs you was well dress with shorts and a t-shirt you was covered.  

However he should not have talked to you that way, I would have drove off too...  Go back to work it sounds like he is expecting you to wait on him because you are not working...  

Answer 6

I purposely got a job OUTSIDE THE HOME b/c a stay at home mom....is work, NON STOP.  Its' like WTF...kids all day, work, cooking cleaning, and NO TIME FOR YOU.  Nope you didn't over react, you are stressed and need a break.  As i use to say I can't even take a dump LOL.  Keep your head up, I am rooting for you

Answer 7

he is an ********

Answer 8

Why do you cater to him? Why cater to any fully grown and capable adult? I don't understand some people. I would be embarrassed and guilty if I treated my wife like that, he sounds like a jerk.

Answer 9

No , it seems he has an attitude because you stay home.If only he could reverse rolls a little while to se all the "NOTHINGS" we do all day long.I give him a week of doing all you do, and that should shut him up.

Answer 10

HE agreed to let you stay home?

I think it may be incumbent on you to get out of bed, get dressed and be ready to go to work even if you are not.

"Struggling" with the finances because your partner is now a SAHM does not make dealing with the concept that he is providing a permanent vacation any easier now does it?

You would do well to act like you are not on vacation.

As usual, when a question says , "Am I overreacting?" the answer is usually, YES.

Edit- I am always amazed at the way people assume that a discussion of appearances becomes defensive as if it was accusatorial.

I DID NOT SAY YOU WERE ON VACATION.

I attempted to illustrate that your husband may be suffering from an elevated level of stress due to the budget constraints realized from you being home. His callous treatment of you could very well be a reaction to that stress.

Maybe, just maybe, you should be a bit more appreciative of the situation he is in and why he is reacting the way he is.

Also, you might consider that the appearance that you are up and ready to go ,as if you were working, might alleviate some of this terse language.  

I am also a bit chagrined that there is also very little attempt to understand the personal dynamic at work here as it relates to HIS position.  There is a lot of stress in your house right now, with moving small own to big town, new job,tight budget, learning new surrounding etc.

Do you not think this is coloring BOTH of your actions?

It seems a bit clear to me that you are carrying a chip on your shoulder regarding justification for your new found SAHM staus.

So what was your purpose, to find a possible solution or to find support for your position?

Answer 11

I think he needs to apologize.  

Answer 12

And ur up at 5am packing his lunch and getting his vitamins for him???? Send him home to his momma. The big lazy cry baby!!!!! Tell him where to stick his fuel card! U got how many kids... including him??

Answer 13

I love the no wife time remark .... I guess s*x is a weapon

Answer 14

It was 5am, he was tired and maybe running late.  When he gets home talk about the issue and then let it go.  Especially if this is the first time somehting like this happened.

Answer 15

I know that sahm moms are not on vacation. I'm one as well and working 40 hrs and then coming home to take care of the house and kids was ALOT easier... But that being said I really don't see why you would think that your husband should follow you to the gas station and pump your gas for you. There's really no reason that you stated that he needed to follow you...You obviously had enough gas to get there and back so you weren't on fumes or anything. I think he was out of line calling you a name and he should apologize. But I also think that you need to take care of your own stuff (even if he did drive it til there wasn't much gas in it) It really isn't difficult to just stop and get gas the next time you go out. So in my opinion you should just chalk this up to everyone having a bad morning and kiss and make up when he gets home....because you BOTH overreacted.

Answer 16

I think the stress of having to budget and adjust to a new place to live etc is getting to you both!  Lighten up a little and may be you would be able to laugh over this whole silliness oneday.  Once you have settled in things should be better.

You are both responsible really!  You were trying too hard (in fact, I think both of you are trying too hard) to help him out and fixed breakfast etc to the point of rushing out without changing your clothe.  May be he was feeling inadequate to have to use your car & gas card etc and so he too over-reacted.

At least he called you to say that he now found his (to a man that is at least one worry solved !!!)

May be you can find a way to gently and light heartedly let him know that you are feeling more vulnerable (I am sure he is too, but dont say that !)  at the moment with all the new things & new city & that you are trying your best to help him by taking care of little things which you think would make his tough job of being the total breadwinner (acknowledge him & give him a little more confidence, so he is less likely to throw tantrums triggered by suppressed insecurity).

Do something fun and light hearted.  Give yourself some rest & some treats.........  It's all overwhelming at the moment, so take a rest !

Have some emergency cash at home or with you at all times.  Build a system up so if some mishaps/misunderstanding etc happens again, you feel less vulnerable and so less likely to over-react.  Have a system where there is always a minimum level of gas for the cars, spare keys, enough back up food etc. whatever you may need to feel that you are not stuck.

I think you know what I mean.  We all have a certain level of cushion that make life feel safer.  Find those and put them into place to ease this overwhelm threshold!

Answer 17

Jesus, where is this mystical gas station, Mars? He's a big boy, he should be able to wake up five minutes early and get his own d**n gas.

Answer 18

There needs to be a thing called BALANCE.  I work and my wife stays home with our twins.  Does that mean I am exempt from folding laundry?  Cooking dinner?  Changing a poopy diaper?  Of course not.  Just because I work and bring home the bacon doesn't mean I get to treat my wife like a housekeeper who's not doing her job.  If I were your husband I would do as much as I could to help free up your time to do other things besides making his lunch, getting him gas, and being a pack mule.  I'd much rather come home to a happy, relaxed, and horny wife than one who is exhausted from taking care of me all day!  

Answer 19

I think both of you are over reacting sometimes people are cranky in the morning. Me and my husband went to get gas this morning around the same time as you guys we do this as well. I pretty much had on the same attire as you. Difference is I didn't pump his gas but if I had to pump gas it wouldn't have mattered so you are in a t-shirt and shorts who cares that's so early in the morning why are you worried about it. Don't get me wrong he needs to lighten up to but you are playing of his stupidity. Basically you guys are playing ping pong and the ball wont stop bouncing until someone decides not to hit it back.

Answer 20

No you didn't over react, any man that ever calls you something like that has no respect for you what so ever! Even if he was having a bad day there's no excuse for him to call you that. I'd nearly leave him there and then.

Answer 21

Well, it seems to me that he's taking advantage of you and being a bit self centered.  You're both under pressure and he's not helping matters by behaving this way.  I probably would have done the same thing if he had insulted me like that....maybe try a discussion where both parties are calm and explain how your morning had been...I wouldn't take that frankly...if you let him go on behaving like this his bad attitude will get worse.

Answer 22

Heck no...after you drove off he should have called and said he was SORRY not "after you threw your fit!" That's BULL! I'd give him the silent treatment until he can say he's sorry. Of course since he's a man he probably wont know why you're not talking so after a few repetitive "what's wrongs" TELL HIM "I'm not talking to you until you can apologize and respect me" He should not have taken his faults on you and he should have apologized after his reaction...its not right to let it go because he'll think its ok for him to act like that. Teach him a lesson!!

Answer 23

No you weren't but next time make sure to get your things back. He sounds like a real fool he makes a decision and then changes the game in the ninth inning. I think he needs to learn a lesson, I would only cook for the kids and wouldn't allow him no wife time if you know what I mean. Take some things from him since he wants to act like a child treat him like one!

Answer 24

I dont blame you for driving off, i would have to. Everyone has bad days where things just dont go right, but to verbally abuse you is not exceptable. He sounds like he needs a attitude adjustment, for his child like behavior. If something as small as this sets him off,, what happens when life`s big problems come? You really need to get this settled with him. Good luck.

Answer 25

no way that was fair enough. sucks how it ended up tho