Did it take your spouse a while to come around to the adoption idea?

Question

or was he/she all for it right away? Did either of you have hesitations?

Answer 1

No, he was very excited. But we already had 3 biological children together so we might be very different from your circumstances. For some (most?) men the idea of passing along the DNA of their family is very important. This is probably the reason that more girls are adopted than boys but when quizzed about which gender they would prefer from a pregnancy, more say male.  Having a "bad seed" from adoption carry the family name is a difficult proposition for some men.  Indeed, it has been shown that paternal grandparents have a more difficult time accepting adoption than maternal grandparents!  

As far a hesitations, oh  yeah. It is scary. But so is pregnancy. For us as for the VAST majority of people, adoption is a blessing and a gift. (Even people who adopt severely handicapped children are glad they did so.)

Answer 2

We both had explored the idea of single parent adoption before we met.  

We're more hesitant now because it's taking longer than we thought it should, (we changed agencies in November because our original worker retired and her replacement was a joke)  and as a substitute teacher, I'm needing to go into full-time training for a summer job, so I'm not going to be as available for meetings for a while.  (I could maybe be "sick" for a day or two if a social worker wants to meet with us about placing kids, but I don't really want to do that)

I think people go through "seasons of excitement" with adoption. We had several emergency foster kids though here that messed with our attitudes...especially the last two who need "frequent parental visitations" and how do you explain to a 3 and 4 year old that they can see Mom and Dad, but they can't go home with them, especially if you don't agree with the out-of-home placement?

Working with a county worker and wanting legally free kids also kind of slows us down, because that's out of what she usually works with.

Answer 3

I, actually, was the hesitant one.  I had dreamed of having children - and we had been trying for years.  After three failed ICSI procedures, my husband is actually the one who suggested adoption because he saw what the infertility drugs were doing to my mind.  I didn't want to hear about adoption.  Sure, I'd love to adopt AFTER I gave birth to a child.  I wanted to experience pregnancy and resented the fact that he would even suggest adoption.  But the more we talked about it and the more we understood that giving birth is not the same as parenting, I changed my mind completely.  My biggest fear though was "would I be able to love a child who I did not give birth to?"  The day we met our son, all of my fears and worries were gone.  My heart overpoured with love and emotion.  It was the greatest thing that has ever happened to our family.  

Feel free to email my profile if you need any additional support thru the process.  Good luck to you!

Answer 4

it usually takes each person in the couple their own time to come to terms with the idea of adopting. I was much more willing to go for it and my husband took longer to get used to the idea. We are both very happy now and we have three children -- two of which were adopted (11 years ago!) I think it's the norm to be on different time tables with the whole thing. It's such a big deal and people really need to work it out however they can -- together and individually. I had no hesitations and I don't think my husband did either. I don't kn0ow what your situation is and what your hesitations are but, a little hesitation is certianly part of the whole thing. There are so many questions that come up. There are so many things to decide  and to wonder about. It's so much more a conscious choice than just happening to get pregnant and it's only natural to question whether it's really the right thing to do. Talk to each other and as many people (professional ones too, if you can -- but only someone you like) as you can about it. And give each other time and space to work it out for yourselves. Good luck. Adoption is a great way to ahve a family.

Answer 5

I think my husband had hesitations but now he's all for it ... and I'm the one starting to get doubts ... but I think my doubts are coming from the classes and hearing about the things these kids have gone through.

Answer 6

Unfortunately, he never did. We have one child together.

Answer 7

Both of us had hoped to adopt before we even met. However I know it is common for one spouse to be hesitant at first, and then get very excited about adoption. You just need to make sure you're both are completly on board before you proceed with adoption plans.

Answer 8

In my case, it was "easy". Adoption is my dream since I was a teenager and every time I had a boyfriend, I would talk about it. I guess my dream is so strong that at the moment the guy would say he was opposite to adoption I would lose my interest. BIG TURN OFF.

For me, accepting the adoption theme was always a pre-requisite. I am getting married in 6 weeks and I always talk about it with my fiancee.