Did my husband cross the line?

Question

Please do not judge me or my husband, but I am furious and devestated at the same time. Last night my husband showed up to pick me up from work around 10:30. When I got to the car I discoved he did not have our 4 month old baby with him. He explained that she had gone down to sleep at 8:00 (her bedtime) and was still her her crib at home. I was livid to say the least. She was locked in the our house, unattended. She usually sleeps until about 2 or 3 in the morning, but still there are always exceptions. He was gone around 40 minutes!! I know this is wrong and I have yelled and cried to the point of hyperventalation. My issue now is what to do going forward? I love my husband very much, but now I feel like I have married a complete idiot! I never in a million years would have thought he would do something like this. I fell like divorce is drastic and I don't WANT to leave him (ever), but if something were to happen to my daughter I would never forgive him or myself. Should I just hope and trust that my point got across and hope nothing like this happens again or what?

P.S. Our daughter was still sleeping when we returned home and is fine....THANKFULLY!!!

Answer 1

Aye, He's an Idiot. That in itself isn't reason to Divorce him. You need to sit his dumb *** down and explain all the things that can happen to a baby when left alone in a house i.e. Burglars, fire, whatever.

Answer 2

You know what he did was stupid and unacceptable and as a mom I would be furious myself, to say the least. But, your baby girl is fine and I am sure that your husband realized how dumb of a move that was (whether he admits it or not). As long as this will NEVER happen again I think you need to let it go. Your husband made a new parent mistake. Just count your blessings that your baby is fine and tell him to try to avoid any neglectful action like this in the future.

Answer 3

Bloody Irresponsible Man.

Yes your husband crossed the line.

Thank ya lucky stars there was no fire.

This is 2008 people steal babies?

What possessed him?

Crying and Hyperventilating is not going to help.

Personally I think you should leave him now for a couple of days to make it sink in as to how irresponsible it was to leave your child there. Make it hard for him maybe them he will realize what life would be without you and bubba.

Remember your right, she is your life now. Not him.

Answer 4

I'm not judging you or your husband as you did ask not to be judged anyway i don't have the right as I'm not a mum.  

You should talk to him because i totally understand that you were fuming anything could of happened (on the way home you probably thought of them because you were worried as all good mums are!)

I think you should talk to him maybe he didn't think there was any harm in it?

Good luck and I'm glad your baby is ok

p.s. Congratulations!

Answer 5

see if you can find an evening babysitter, and tell him you're looking because you know he likes to have his evenings for  ____(whatever he does).  if you cannot afford this, then maybe a family member (aunt/niece/grandmother)  could come by while you're at work to help out a little.

Answer 6

I totally agree with Vertigo. Your husband does not have good decision making skills. He is an idiot. I married one too...All you can do now is make the best out your family/marriage life. Be alert, he will probably not make good choices in general. Your going to have to muster up allot of awareness. His lack of judgment will spill over into other areas of your marriage. All you can do is try to talk with him in great detail about everything before a decision is made. Your going to have to develop good communication skills and a high sense of awareness.  

Answer 7

ur married...u should forgive u hubby...everyone make idiot mistakes....talk to him and explain that this should not b repeated....u love him so forgive him

Answer 8

Your husband was wrong, and an Idiot you should never leave a helpless child home alone. Divorce after this one time may be a little drastic. Hopefully you got your point across.  It is also against the law. Child endangerment can be punished by prison.  I hope for your sake and the safety of your daughter he understands the potential danger of his actions.  If not you have to do something to get his attention.

Answer 9

dont judge your husband? Would you rather we put a dunce cap and him and sit him in the corner?

We all know men aint the smartest creature BUT your man is an IDIOT in capital letters 10 feet tall! What next..he didnt want to disrupt her bath time, so he leaves her unattended in a bath while he comes to get you?

If your man is too stupid, careless, useless and moronic enough to leave a 4 month old baby alone in a house unattended for 40 mins..THEN HE IS TOO STUPID, CARELESS AND MORONIC ENOUGH TO CONTINUE BREEDING!

get him neutered

Answer 10

thank goodness nothing happened like a fire!! just make sure that he is clear that you should never leave a baby home alone.. if he must pick you up late at night again, tell him to get the baby up, and then just maybe you could give her one more feeding when you get home and she will sleep longer through the night.. so there you have safety first, and more sleep later!!

Answer 11

ok, he made a mistake, it happens. and like it or not, he or you will probably make another mistake. look, when it comes to men and babies they don't think like us woman... actually they don' think like us at all.  we would never leave our baby unattended. kudos for you for not smacking him with a skillet. however, I'm sure your point got across. he loves your child, right? then give him a break.

ps: don't beat a dead horse. meaning, don't speak about it anymore, he probably feels horrible and mentioning it to family and friends may make you feel better (especially when they respond by yelling at him!) it won't help the situation.  

Answer 12

I am sure he is not an idiot, but he didn't think this through very well.

Its a good thing that nothing happened, but I would make absolutely sure he knows how you feel so he will never do it again.

It sounds like a moment of poor judgement... a brain lapse if you will.  

Answer 13

Yeah he did cross the line, but honey, sometimes men are just idiots! Don't leave him over this, just explain to him how you feel about leaving your baby alone, and how it is against the law. The best thing you can do to get through to him is make him feel bad about what he done. He is not going to realize what he done was wrong until you make him feel guilty. Ask him what would have happened if someone had broke in, or if the house caught on fire, or if the car had broken down and he would have been gone much longer, etc....

Maybe he'll see your point. Make him watch the news. I swear it's a baby dying everyday somewhere because of parent's stupidity. I'm sure he loves his daughter, he just wasn't thinking.

Even if you make him see your point, next time you have to leave the baby with him, be sure to tell him under no circumstance should she be left alone for any length of time!! Someone could call child services, and they could take your child!!  

Answer 14

if it were a 5 minute trip, i could kind of see his point of view, but 40 minutes is excessive.  i would sit your husband down and have a long long talk about why this is wrong and why it can never happen again.  divorce is way too soon in this case, assuming that this is an isolated incident.  be very careful about who you tell this to in an official capacity though...you do not want Child Services getting involved and paying you a visit.  believe me, in this society, all it takes is the wrong person finding out and someone will be calling.  i wish you luck in this though.  

Answer 15

Chill out. If they baby did wake up they would have been safe in their little baby bed wouldnt they?

Answer 16

If it were my husband I would never leave the child alone with him again.

3 of my cousins when we were kids burnt up in a fire because their mother left them unattended. Anything can happen anything!

Answer 17

I don't think you really, truly find out who you're married to until you have a baby.  That's when you find out just what idiots men can be.  Maybe it's the woman growing up and maturing when the baby comes along or something, the maternal instinct kicking in - I don't know.  I'd have been furious too.  Hopefully you will have gotten your point across - maybe be prepared to get a cab/bus home from now on too because it seems a bit unfair to wake the baby up so that he can pick you up.  

Answer 18

of coures you are furious and scared to death.

when you can do it calmly, talk to him about fires can start by accident, all sorts of things can happen that would not be caused by your sleeping daughter.

I'm in the US, and it seems like parents can be arrested for leaving a child alone at home. it might be true where you live.

Answer 19

provide him with data. Remember back in high school you would see those drunk driving videos? well you have to the same thing and just find some cases where something really bad happened in the same situation. You also need to show him what the consequences were, because if something were to happen he could conceivably be on the hook for negligent homicide among other things. My only advice to you is this; when you tell him, be careful how you present the information. Don't talk down to him but just tell him to do it for you and if he loves you he will listen.

Answer 20

Sometimes men dont think!!!! Maybe he was doing what he thaught to be the right thing at the time....? he obviously knows how angry you are at him so now you have told him your point leave it.  

Answer 21

yeah as a mother I would have been extremely upset, it seems as though your husband isn't responsible enough to be with the baby.  No you should never "hope" anything when it comes to the baby, you better make sure that nothing like that will ever happen again before you leave him alone with her.  Trust your instincts 100% on this one

Answer 22

Men think very differently than mothers. It seems he didn't think it was wrong. If you tell him how upset you are by it and to never do it again, I am sure he won't. I would not divorce him over just one instance. He made a mistake, he is a new father and still has a lot to learn. You need to forgive him. I know how you feel though. My husband does some things with our children that I don't agree with either.

Answer 23

I understand exactly how you feel, I had a friend of mine baby sit for me, my son is not that young, he was about 6 or so when my friend left him home alone I caught her when I drove around the block.  Yes I did tell her off, and she understood after the fact just how unresponsible she was to do that.  Talking sometimes does alot of good, I'm sure his intentions although very wrong it was done out of innocense, and the better part yet was that the baby was alright when you got home.  Explain to him what could have happen, and how much you would like to trust him with both your child, but he should admit to you how wrong he was and that he truly promises not to do it again that you can trust him with no doubt to ever do something like that again.

Answer 24

If you love him and he is a good person (just a little on the dim side) don't leave him. Make him go to parenting classes.

If he just didn't care then I would kick him to the door  

Answer 25

dear= crying and yelling will no provide a solution. Explain ur husband the concerns and the issues of why you are so mad. At the end, we make mistakes and sometimes they can be costly. This time all went well and no one was hurt. But this does not mean that next time would be the same. From now on- if u gonna be late at work- and he picks you up, make sure he makes the baby sleep in the car seat so that way he can carry the car seat to the car so the baby's sleep is not disturbed and she is with him... SO you should have a talk with your hubby today and explain why you are so frustrated. You should also think of a plan if in case he needs to pick you up late at night.. Bst if luck-  

Answer 26

No sweetheart I am not going to be judgemental because my husband must be an idiot as well! Within the next two weeks is our sons birthday and I have to work, and my husband is very excited and has our son spoiled rotten....  My son suffers with Autism and loves the water and there is a indoor swimming pool in a casino hotel located in Atlantic City Nj....  For boredom I often go and gamble and I have earned free room comps from doing so, and my husband wants to take our son there to celebrate his birthday in the indoor pool! I have no problem with this but the night in question that he wants to take him I have to work! I explained to my husband, sweetheart being that your staying on a casino hotel, you have to gamble on my comp-card the night in question that you want to stay or they will charge you the full rate of the room being that I am not a high roller player....  My husband says to me, oh that's not a problem, I'll go down and gamble while our son is asleep! I snapped at him instantly, and he became angry like it wasn't a big deal, and that the boy would be in the room....  Now you know and I know, what's to happen if our son wakes up alone in the hotel room??????????????????????????  My husband still acts as if it's not a big deal and no matter what I said he still don't understand the logic to it being morally wrong to do that! So when you ask don't be judgemental! Never in a million years......  But I have no clue on how to get these idots to understand that it's wrong to leave the children unattended..........................