Did she know it was me with her before she died?

Question

My mother died Dec.23rd,2007.She was my rock! My foundation to keep me stable in a world of so much hurt. The long talks and sometimes laughs we had late at night. I'm 51 and I rarely show emotions. I am criticized by my siblings.In my work I hurt bad people and I don't look back! I have suffered a loss but the pain and critisism keeps on. I honestly miss my Mom! I was holding her hand as she slipped away.

Answer 1

Of course she knew it was you with her.

You mention the long talks and sometimes laughs you had at night.

My mother died a year and a half ago, and I also shared an experience with her during that time that is criticized and looked with condescension and disfavor by the rest of the family. See, while they were weeping and beating their chests at the last, I was smiling and filled with joy that Mother would finally be free from the terrible pain she had suffered. I was Mother's sole caregiver. None of the other siblings could spare a moment's respite. When we went for the final hospitalization, I packed the crossword puzzle book (mother's favorite activity) and read clues to her as she slipped in and out of consciousness. She would bubble over with giggles when she correctly guessed a clue. At the end, I sat near her head and, as her breathing slowed, I encouraged her to stop altogether. Every time she started up again, I would say quietly, "Now, Mother, what did we say about this breathing stuff? It's time to stop all that now." The disapproval was palpable in the room. d**n it, it was time for Mother to die....and by gum, I was giving her permission.

The pain was so immense when she was gone...a hundred times a day I think "That's something I need to tell Mother!" Now, what I do when those thoughts come is I tell myself that this is Mother's way of letting me know she is thinking of me, too. Also, no matter how much I did, I have thoughts that I could have done more....what I do at those times is I say to myself, "I did the best that I could", and firmly stop myself there.

Sometimes the pain does overwhelm me still, so that I must pull to the side of the road while driving, but I try to think about her voluntarily,  A LOT, and talk about her, and that lessens the sting of the landslides that used to overtake me.

I wish you peace, my friend. You are welcome to write me if you wish.  

Answer 2

WHY WOULD THEY BE CRITIZEIN YOU!..UR MOM HAD YOU AND WENT THOUGH THE PAIN!..ITZ NORMAL FOR YOU TO MISS HER!.. I WOULD TO!..SO WHAT IF YOUR 51 AND A MAMMAZ BOI!..THATZ NU10`T0 MAKE FUN 0F