Did you bond right away?

Question

Did you bond with your adopted child right away? During the pre-adoption seminar that we attended, the comment was made that you might not bond with your child right away. Then I was asked by someone else that is looking at adoption.

I think that I did. I loved my child from the moment that he was placed in my arms. I thought he was beautiful, and I cried.

I just want to make sure that this is what was really happening, and I did not just think I was bonding because I felt that was what I was supposed to do.

This is not so much an important issue to me as it is to someone else that I know that is looking at adoption. I know that I am bonded now. There is no question. However, I was asked by someone if I bonded right away, and I said I did. Then, I started wondering. I don't want to give someone false expectations.

Answer 1

it really depends on the child. is that child willing to let you bond with them.

Answer 2

Bonding is different than attachment. Bonding happens while the baby is still in utero; attachment happens between the baby and his/her chief caregivers after birth. In other words, adoptive parents don't "bond" with their children; they form lifelong, loving attachments.

Your friends are looking to promote healthy, loving attachment between them and their adopted baby/child. The only way to do that is through their actions. You can tell them to do research on "attachment parenting" to find out the best ways to help their child become attached to them.

Answer 3

You should tell people that your bond with your child developed loving and naturally - and true bonds grow over time. You should also tell them that each parent and child is different, and that whether YOU bonded straight away, is not indicative of whether THEY will bond right away. Tell them that if they love their child that is enough... the strength of that love and that bond can only grow.

Answer 4

They started to use the word 'bonding in the late 70s early 80s, it doesn't mean nothing.  You love your child when you love your child.  If anyone asks tell them that is personal question and back off.

Answer 5

Here's my story.

We adopted our daughter when our natural son was 8.

We couldn't have any more ourselves.

When they gave us our baby, I felt like I wanted to climb the highest mountain and hold her up in the air, Yelling so every one in the world could hear. "LOOK WHAT THE GODS HAVE GIVEN ME!"

I didn't cry until her first feeding at 2 in the morning and a feeling of panic came over me. All tpes of question came rushing in.

What am I doing?

What if I'm not a good enough mother for her?

What if she doesn't want me to be her mother?

How could she give her away?

How could she trust me to be her daughters mother. She doesn't even know me?

I started to cry and rock this little one. then I stopped and just rocked holding her as she slept against my chest listing to my heart pounding, just like my son when he was so tiny.

He didn't have a choice neither about me being his Mom, and I remembered I panic with him too the first night.

That was 30 years ago, but still feels like yesterday.

I can't remember what it was like before I had my kids, It seems that they've always been there.

Answer 6

Everyone is so different.  Some people don't bond with their very own children right away.  You are not abnormal but it wouldn't be abnormal if you didn't.  Babies/children are a tiny little person with their likes and dislikes.  You have to learn to feel them out as they do you too.  It is sweet you felt that way though  =)

Answer 7

I think it very much varies and I feel like I did bond very quickly but, not everyone does. In fact, perhaps most people don't bond so quickly.  The expectation, I think, depends very much on the parents but also I'm not so sure what "bonding" really is. I knew immediatley that my child was beautiful and that I wanted him and after a few days I felt like he was completely part of my life. I don't thiink bonding is the same thing as love; I think bonding is more related to feeling attached.

Answer 8

what? I dont have a kid