Did you ever regret NOT asking some one to be your bridesmaid?

Question

I have many close friends but I don't want a lot of bridesmaids. There are a few people I would like to have in my wedding, but I really want to cut them out because I only want to have 4. I don't want to hurt any ones feelings or regret not asking them.

Please help!!!

Answer 1

YES!  A THOUSAND TIMES YES!

I asked three of my friends because that was all my hubby came up with for his side.  And there is one friend I especially am kicking myself for not asking.  She was so helpful with the planning and the set up and coming over to help make favors.  The girls I asked were long time childhood friends.  The one I didn't was a newer friend I met at my last job.  I should have made the hubby wrangle up a cousin or something...

Another childhood friend I didn't ask because she was pregnant when we were getting dresses, and would have had the baby by the time of the wedding... but I didn't want to burden her at a time when she would be juggling a newborn and dealing with baby weight, etc.

Answer 2

Yes. there was a girl I had met not too long before the wedding.  she was goning to be 8 months pregnant at the time of my wedding and since she was not married my church would have frowned and I admitt to not wanting her to have the baby going down the aisle and being pregnant in my pictures

Well I regret it now, turns out this girl became myBFF  and the only one to stick by me when my husband died.  She sometimes brings it up that she was not in my wedding and I do feel badly about it

Answer 3

Yes I did. but she is now in the wedding and I am really happy about it. I started out with four girls and four guys, But I kinda still wanter her in the weding, I thoguht on it and thought on it, and eventually decide I relaly wanted her there in the pics, etc. So it was a little harder to get her dress (we had to have it shipped in) but I am happy now with 5 and 5! :) Hopefully it will all work out, and for you too!

Answer 4

well maybe you can ask them to be a part of your wedding by helping out in something else.Like seating people,help decorate the tables.

Answer 5

At some point you have to cut the wedding party short. Maybe you could ask some of them to do a special reading at the wedding, sing, give a toast.  

I do wish I had asked my other SIL to be a bridesmaid. I listened to my husband about how she would feel about it but she was the only one of his siblings not in our wedding party. I kinda wonder to this day how she really felt about it.

Answer 6

When I got married the first time, I asked my soon to be SIL at the time to be a bridesmaid. That was the biggest mistake I ever made. She made the whole thing about her and argued about everyting I chose for the wedding.

Answer 7

how bout ask them to come, just not be bridesmaids. also if u don't want some of your friends over to your wedding, then don't talk about it.

Answer 8

My wife and I went through this process when we got married last year.  We had 6 Groomsmen and 6 Bridesmaids.  Looking back, they are people I wish I asked in place of others.  Trust me when I say my wife felt the same way about her bridesmaids.  In regards to your problem, here is how I would figure out your 4 brides maids:

1.  Who are you closest too?

2.  Who can you count on?

3.  Who will put thier ego aside and remember it's YOUR day not THIER DAY?

4.  Who is willing to sacrafice the time, attend the showers, and geniunely be excited about being in the wedding?

When you pick your 4 bridesmaids, figure out who you think might be hurt because they are not in the wedding.  Those are the people you invite to the brunch the next day, ask them if they want to handle the guest book, and invite to your bridal shower/bachelorette party so they feel included in the process.  

In our situation, we had 2 bridesmaids that were a burden.  One of them did not like the fact she was not the center of attention and complained about the commitments taking the whole wedding day.  The other one didn't show up to a single shower or party before the wedding then showed up 1 hour late for the rehersal.  We had one groomsman, who was not happy because he was not the best man, he left the reception early.  I noticed the happiest people were those NOT in the wedding!  They had fun catching up with other friends not in the wedding, and were extremely supportive of us.

Answer 9

When I got married the first time I had 9 bridesmaids.  All my friends wanted to be in the wedding and I said yes.  lol

I couldn't turn down any of them and I am so glad I didn't !

Answer 10

Yes I did, in my first marriage i did not ask my best friend to be a bridesmaid because my fiance (at the time) did not like her and she did not like him. needless to say she was hurt, and I regret not asking her because it just felt like something was not right and instead of her I had my 2 SIL in my wedding and they were never close to me. So next year I am getting married again and this time I asked my best friend to be my bridesmaid and I am so glad that things will be right in my wedding this time.

Answer 11

Yes I did. I have some wonderful friends who would of made amazing bridesmaids! How ever it my hubby family tradition to have brother and sisters in the wedding party...(ugh) Which also means them and there other half's. Which meant the small wedding party we wanted was limited to family and our best friends.

I received more help from friends then people in the wedding. Then his sister. She actually whined about every thing we did (dress, showers, gift I received, the date of the wedding, time it was at where) and gave my maid of honor trouble in planning everything. The day of my wedding she told me (yes actually told me to my face) " Your wedding will never be as beautiful as my wedding because of all the corners you cut and the things you made your self". I wanted to slap her but she walked away(more like ran) I couldn't believe how much trouble she was.

Please don't think you have to have some one in your wedding. Put only the special people in your life in your bridal party.

Answer 12

Honestly, no matter how awesome your friends are, the more bridesmaids usually means more work or more drama in some form or another unless you are super lucky and have angels for friends. You are actually doing a very smart thing. Give the other ladies other duties. Have female ushers instead of males. Have them in charge of passing out favors or programs or bubbles/bird seed to throw. Have them help you do other things like decorating or making favors or helping you with your train.

Answer 13

I never could understand why girls want a horde of people in their bridal party. Why cannot it just be you, your groom, your 2 witnesses and, maybe, one usher and bridesmaid?

Afterall, are you so sure they are all just panting at the bit to be a bridesmaid?  Seems to me that it is such an expensive thing to ask friends to participate in ... for them, I mean.  Yes, you will buy them a little thank you gift, but they have to buy a dress and a shower present, wedding gift, and who all knows what else (probably you'll want a 'bachelorette party too).

In these days of economic hardships, it may be the right time to trim back on lavishly expensive weddings too.  

And to answer your question, No.  I have never regretted NOT inviting someone to be a bridesmaid.  Everyone who I cared about and who cared about me got to enjoy my wedding plans, parties, get togethers and enjoyed watching my dad lead me down the isle.

Answer 14

I only wanted to have a MOH, but I had 2 friends that I wanted to have involved, so I just called them "friends of the bride" and they helped me with various odds and ends, and they were free to wear whatever they liked.  It took the pressure off them to buy the whole bridesmaid outfit and all the trappings that go with it, as they are both kind of alternative and I didn't think they'd go for that kind of thing.  They did throw me a small shower, so in a sense they functioned as bridesmaids without the formal title.  We were all good with it, but there are times I wonder if they would have liked that formality.

Answer 15

Yes. My best friend of 12 years "M". At the time  of my engagement, her and I were on a slump and we were not talking. So I picked "c" instead (yes, the one with the drama).

Now "M" explained the situation and we are back on track. "C" since then has dissapared and have not heard from her.

"M" will be attending as a guests. Since "C" is nowhere to be found I'm tempted to ask "M" but I don't know if it's too late.

Goo dluck

Answer 16

Yes.  I only wanted 3, and I had one friend that I had to leave out. :(  She was actually pretty hurt, but I told her my fiance only had 3 guys, and I wanted to match the girls.  Luckily, my fiance told me about an old friend of his, so I got to have her in the wedding after all.  :) AND surprisingly, she is the only one who helped me out of all the other girls I had in my party!!

Answer 17

I simplified matters by only having family as brides maids. My MOH was my aunt( only 9 months older than me). My closest friends were seated in the front 2 rows with my family. This allowed me to make them feel special but equal. No one felt left out.

Answer 18

Yeah, I'm kind of going through that now.  When I first got engaged, I picked my mom as MOH and three girls I considered my closest friends as bridesmaids.  Now, though, I've reconnected with one of my oldest, dearest friends from school and I kind of regret not asking her to be a bridesmaid instead of another girl, whom it turns out may not be as close of a friend as I originally assumed she was.  I think what I'm going to do is ask my old school friend if she'd do a reading, so she can be a part of the day without me having to kick any bridesmaids out of the party, LOL.  Or I could just tack her on as one more bridesmaid- what's one more, really?  Not too big of a deal.

Answer 19

No but I did regret someone I did ask!

How many close friends do you want in the wedding? If it is close to four (like five or six) I would just go ahead and ask them. If it is a larger number, you can ask them to do other things - like a reading.

Answer 20

Tell them, "I'm Rick James, B!"  I do what i want.  And then back hand them if they get upset.  

Hope that helps!  :)