It was cold outside...unusually cold for this late in the spring. She pulls her worn pink sweater tighter around her... trying to hide the bundle she carries with her. She hadn't planned on it being this cold, but she tried to keep her mind on the job at hand; trying desperately not to get emotional.It was after all... her emotions that got her here to begin with. She reaches the end of the pier. She can hear the waves crashing violently against the rocks below. The wind is blowing through her hair... she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.. inhaling the cold, salty ocean air. It feels good... She can't remember the last time that something...anything felt good. As she stands there on the pier holding the bundle... her thoughts go back to that night. The night when everything changed.
It was the first party she had been to since being dubbed semi-popular. Who knew it only took a round of sexual favors to the schools "it boys" to become part of the schools elite. She still had to convince the "it GIRLS" that she was worthy of the status. But for now she was happy to be semi-popular. She remembers the overwhelming feelings of acceptance, superiority, and desirability. She was on top of the world.
She remembers how many people were at the party that night and how unlikely it was that anyone noticed the event that started it all. She tries to remember the details but she cant... Someone put the drugs in her drink.. but who? She cant put it all together pieces, faces, flashes of memories that don't match up. The time seemed to stand still and fly by all at the same time. The memories of that night will live and die with her.
A few months after the party her status was unchanged. She had moved no further up the social ladder. The "it boys" seemingly bored with her favors, only call in extreme cases of blue ball.. and always end with violence. As if it to say " look what you made me do you stupid w***e". Quickly putting her back into her place. Reminding her that she will never truly be one of them...and the only way to get in.. is to be born in.. She would never be good enough for them.. and she knew that. She wanted desperately to take it all back, but it was too late. The damage had been done. She knew that she could never go back to the person she was before.. the person who was capable of emotions and feelings. She had cut off her emotions for soo long that they were dead. She felt nothing.. she was numb. Even the baby inside her didn't spark an inkling of emotion.
It wasn't until a stranger asked a simple question that the veil of denial was lifted. "is she pregnant"?? what the h**l kind of question is that to ask a perfect stranger?! How was that any of his business? "is she pregnant"? With that unanswered question floating wildly in the air it was only a matter of time before someone found out the truth,and it wasn't until THAT moment that reality hit her.. She WAS pregnant.
She spent the next few months trying to quietly remove herself from the clutches if the "it crowd". But for every time she didn't answer to one of the gentleman callers.. she had to answer to 5 or 6 of them later. Seemingly increasing her popularity with the "it boys".. but making her life with the "it GIRLS"a living h**l. Already about 8 months along the fat jokes were getting tiresome. She wanted to scream i not fat...I'm pregnant you stupid b*****s... but she knew that they would never let her have that baby even if they had to kill her.
On the night the baby was born every feeling and emotion that she had ever suppressed came back to her TEN FOLD! Overcome with physical pain, exhaustion, and emotion all she could do is weep. She sat there and cried... as the time floated by.. she had no idea how long she had been there.. but she knew what had to be done. She gathered herself off the floor and cleaned up the best that she could. Put on the worn pink sweater that her mother had made for her out of her old baby blanket. Then grabs the bundle and heads toward the pier.
It was cold outside...unusually cold for this late in the spring. She pulls her worn pink sweater tighter around her... trying to hide the bundle she carries with her. She hadn't planned on it being this cold, but she tried to keep her mind on the job at hand; trying desperately not to get emotional. It was after all... her emotions that got her here to begin with.
Standing on the edge of the pier in the middle of the night... sobbing uncontrollably. She jumps. For a fleeting second on the way down she changes her mind... but it was too late. "I'm sorry" is all that she says....
It was only a matter of minutes before the cops were swarming the scene.. Thanks to an anonymous caller who reported seeing a girl jump off the pier holding a baby. The police had a dive team in the water within 15 minutes of the call.. When they had reached her broken bloody body, she was still clutching the bundle. They gently freed the bundle. They peel pack the layers of baby blanket to reveal... a baby doll. Attached to the baby doll was her address and a photo of her holding the newborn baby. And a letter simply addressed to MY CHILD.
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