Did you ever stumble on to a family "secret" (like your dad isn't yours) when researching your family history?

Question

I have been working on a family tree for awhile, and started wtih my mom's side. When I got to my dad's side, he just gave a few names, and I went from there.

I found out from a cousin that my mom and dad didn't even meet until I was a few months old. She was visiting and saw the research I was doing, and started laughing at me, and saying I had to be doing this for my siblings, because my dad isn't really my dad. She said "everyone" knew so thought I should too. My dad told her to shut up, and told me it wasn't stupid, and to keep on working on it, but now it just feels fake.

I consider him my dad, and he treats me great, but since I found out his isn't even my dad, I feel it's kind of dumb to keep making up a family tree because it's not going to be "real". I could still do it for my brothers and sisters, but would I be a fool like my cousin said if I consider it my tree too?

Has anyone else come across something like this? What did you end up doing?

Answer 1

I completely empathize and have had similar discoveries. Martin Luther King's famous quote of the Apostle John," ...the truth shall set you free" is a good thing to live by when doing research, because the only research worth doing is objective research, the confirmed (not supposed) truth.

How likely is it that your past ancestors, for all time, were all correctly identified as heirs in every instance?  Not likely.  The information you discover, and record, objectively, will be satsifying to many in the future - perhaps millions.  If it pleases you, pursue it.  It's not who "birthed you" nearly as much as who raised and cared for you.  Jesus experienced that first hand.  He was not fathered by Joseph, but Joseph loved and raised him as his own son.  We all benefit from that love to this day.  

As for me, because my mother left us - forever (never returned) when the four of us were all pre-schoolers, I was always driven to find out more about the "half of me" that yielded little information.  That ultimately led me to several people and relatives who provided much information, photos and stories of when, where and why - very useful to all of us.  I recently shared some childhood photos of our mother for the first time with my adult siblings, and they were exceptionally appreciative.  In fact, it's brought us even closer together.

Yes, there were people along the way that didn't want me to know things (illegitimacies) etc., but the truth will set you free.  More people should learn to share it - compassionately, in a spirit of love, not judgment - it would help many, many to "complete" their personal histories, and rid themselves of anxieties and suppositions.  

Like Joseph, your father wasn't concerned about whether the baby was "his" child, he made it so, with love.  That is the thing to focus on.  How blessed you are.

Be well

Answer 2

I knew before I began working on my tree that my dad wasn't my biological father, but I have zero contact with my biological father because he's... well, scum. I work on all three sides for my sibs and myself.

It was cruel of your cousin to tell you about your father that way, but it was also naive of your parents to believe they could keep it a secret forever. Eventually you would see your own birth certificate.

You should talk to your mom and ask her about your biological dad. You might also think about asking your dad to adopt you, to make your relationship official.

Answer 3

Keep going but in your paperwork, list your father as unknown.  Continue up your dad's tree also, as this will be invaluable to your siblings one day.

Ask your mother who your biological father is and go up that line also.  Get a copy of your birth certificate too.

Answer 4

I am sorry that happened :(

Your cousin sounds like an insecure jerk who probably has more to hide on her own branches of the family tree.

I'd still work on the tree :)  You're all a family, regardless of how you came together :)