Did you ever wonder?

Question

Why are all the adoptees want to find their biological parents? Why do they always stand on the bio parent's side instead of adoptive parent's side? I read many responders from Yahoo adoptions, they all have the tendency to wanting to find out who's their bio parents? Is blood really that much thicker?

I'm for adoption, but I don't understand why must some adoptee got to have their bio parents in their lives

Answer 1

im adopted.

i see my birth mom at Christmas every year.

but i dont know my dad,

and i really would like to know him.

i dont even know his name.

i want to meet my dad because i want to know like the other half of what brought me onto this planet.

i would lovee to have both of my birth parents in my life,

but that probably wont ever happen.

Answer 2

If adoptive parents really feel hurt by their adoptees choice to search out their bio parents - then that is really something that the adoptive parents need to work on - perhaps with a therapist.

How very selfish that is to not want your adoptee to know their history, know their roots.

Parenting is about loving a child unconditionally - and if that child came from elsewhere - then you must love all that the child comes with. It BELONGS to the child - not to you.

When will adoptive parents come to realise that it's not supposed to be about THEM.

Answer 3

It's not at all about blood being thicker than water. It's not at all about loyalty or love. It's about being able to understand who you are and where you came from and the history of yourself. It's about being able to connect with someone who may look like you or sound like you or think like you -- or not, of course. I have two children that were adopted and I understand completely that they love me and that I am their mother. However, I did not bring them into this world and I am not connected to them genetically. I don't place any importance on that as far as love and loyalty and connection and family is concerned. But, I do understand that my children will always have a hole in their heart that I don't understand at all, that I will never be able to take away, and that will always be there. It breaks my heart to think of my child having to know that he was rejected or unwanted in any way because I want him so badly. I think children who were adopted need to know why they were given up and want details and history. It's something they need to know for their own peace of mind. I think most people feel that this is understandable and that's why it seems like we're on "that side" of the issue. I think children have a right to know about themselves and a right to know all they can. I would certainly never stand in the way of my children having any relationship they want with their birthparents but and because I know that I am and always will be their mother. I am happy if they can have a relationship with others as well. I don't see it as a threat to who I am. I just want the relationships to be healthy and based on honesty and open communication. Sometimes chidlren were given up because of very difficult circumstances -- rape, incest, addiction, extreme poverty, abuse -- and this information can be difficult to share and difficult to hear. It may also someitmes be coming to the child in inappropriate ways and I would want to protect my children from the hurt of what they don't have any way of understanding. That said, I don't think adopted children need to choose a "side" or have loyalty for only their adoptive parents.

Answer 4

Why can't  children have more than one set of  parents that love them and that they love? Really, should parental love be limited to only one set?

Parents often have more than one child - should the first child feel betrayed that they weren't enough?

If you would feel betrayed then I certainly hope you never adopt a child. Children are not possessions.

Answer 5

You shouldn’t lump all adoptees together. I for one have never had the desire or want to find my biological family. There are other adoptees who have no desire finding their biofamily.  Of course there are many who do want to find their biological families sometimes it can be just for a medical reason, or they want to learn some of the family history like what country they are ancestry from etc.  Many are curious about what their biofamily looks like, some feel there is something missing in them till they find or at least know who their biofamily is.

I’ve rarely heard of someone finding their biofamily and turning on the family that raised them. Typically when that happens they didn’t have a great adoption experience.  Adoptees aren’t stupid most know the difference between their biofamily and the family that has raised and cared for them for years. Again the parents that raise someone are their REAL parents.

Answer 6

if you were adopted wouldn't you want to know where you came from?

Answer 7

If a parent can love more than one child, why can't a "child" love more than one parent?

I am an adoptee, and I have reunited with my biological family.  I have a right to know from whom and where I came, just like you and everyone else on this planet.  

Don't for one second assume that just because I was adopted, that my natural family didn't want me; quite the contrary, my friend.  My mother wanted me more than anything and has loved me since the day she knew she was pregnant with me.

It has nothing to do with loyalty or gratitude.  I am an adult and can choose to have whomever I want in my life.  I certainly don't need people like you to tell me who I should or shouldn't be associating with.

Answer 8

Not all adoptees want to find their families, generalizations don't work in any situation.  Each individual has their own reasons for why they want to search.  For some it is medical information, others it's a resemblance to another person or just the normal human curiosity to know where we came from.  It is not about a lack of respect or love for the parents that raised us.  We become who we are as a person by both nurture and nature.  One can't exist without the other.

Answer 9

Inquiring minds want to know.

Answer 10

You have to understand that sometimes parents really do love their children but only put them up for adoption to give them a better life than they could so its nice for them to have a chance to get to know their kids later in life when they are old enough to understand. just because an adopted kid wants to bond with his bio parents, doesn't mean he doesn't love you or isn't greatful for all you've done, there is just a missing piece in his heart that cannot be filled by anyone else other than his real parents and they want to try and fill it. it also has to do with curiosity to know where you came from and why you were given up, alot of unanswered questions they may have had for many years.  i don't know what you mean by taking sides though, most i know would never give up what they have with their adoptive parents and even say when it comes down to it they are the ones who mean the most...

Answer 11

This just isn't true. Many adoptees have no desire to know their birth parents. Many feel that because their parents chose to have no contact with them, they don't want to either.

I have a cousin who found his biological mother (didn't know who his father was) only to find her cold and undesired of knowing him much. It only made him feel worse and now he's very depressed. I don't get it. He has two parents that love him very much and chose him. He should forget about a "mother" that really isn't one.

Answer 12

I was adopted and my adoptive parents beat me, straved me, and I was sexual abused.  My adoptive mother would "sell" me to her boyfriends [after my adoptive parents divorced] so that she could get drugs.

I am in no way saying that all adoptive parents are like this.  I am only saying my experience.  If you had a childhood like mine, you'd want to find your natural mother and father too.  I've never met them and I probably never will since I'm so old now.  lol  But there are many reasons for wanting to find your biological family.  A very strong reason is because we as adoptive children need medical info.  Do you know how embrassing it is to go to the doctor and they ask you all these questions and you have no answer.  You have to tell them you were adopted and they get this sad look on their faces.  Plus it would be nice to know where I get some of my talents from, who I look like, ect.

I can understand how adoptive parents would be hurt when their adopted children want to find their birth parents.  But really I don't think it's because of betrayal on the chiild's part.  They just want to know things about them that only the biological parents answer.

My main question would be "why".  Why didn't they keep me?  Did they care about me?  Things like that.

Answer 13

My roots and family history are my RIGHT. I have a right to my heritage and so do my kids.

Answer 14

For me it was like a homing instinct, it wasn't even something I really understood, I just needed my mother.

It has helped me to understand myself, to know why I am how I am.

My adoptive parents were fairly supportive of my reunion.

I am sure they wish they didn't have to deal with it, that they had their own kid instead of adoption, I wish that for them too.

I have had to learn that as much as I care for their well-being, I owe it to myself and child to care for my well-being over theirs.  

I couldn't make them fertile then, nor can I become their biological child now, it is not fair, it is what it is.

Answer 15

it's only their inquisitiveness about the blood running in their veins...

Answer 16

I think maybe it has more to do with closure for the adoptee!

Maybe they just want to show the bio. parents that they had a good life without them, or maybe they just have to need to ask the question "Why"., or maybe they just want to see what they look like for curiosity!

What ever the reason....I think it is their choice, and I am sure they don't have any intentions on hurting the adoptive parents!

Answer 17

Everyone deserves the right to know where they came from and need someone to identify with.

My daughter knows her birth mother and as an adoptive parent I have never felt threatened or less loved by my daughter.

It's a beautiful thing. Unfortunately not all adoptee's get that opportunity.

Answer 18

I wanted to find my biological parents because there was an empty space in me that only my birth mother could fill.  I wanted to know my heritage.  That, and my adoptive parents are hypocritical abusive parents.

Answer 19

I love my stepdad to death. I loved my dad just as much.

I'm in search of my sperm doner for one reason. I want to know my family history so that I'll know if cancer, birth defects, etc... run in my family. I'd like to know if I have a high risk of breast cancer, or if my son will have a high risk of prostate cancer, etc.... I'd also like to know if anything like Down's, cleft lip/palet, or heart defects runs in the family so that I can be on the lookout with future pregnancies.

I'd also like to ask him why he didn't want me.

Other than that, he can go suck a toad.