Did you hear that Jesus returned?

Question

He was just on the news, saying that things had changed somewhat in the last 2000 years. There had been a hostile takeover by the grays, And that Heaven and all of it's subsidaries, are now contolled by the Interplanetary league. Earth has been sold for salvage, and we have 1 year to move or be irradicated. Anyone wishing to be irradicated now, to save time, will be gauranteed a painless death, by reporting to the capitol building of your particular state. or you can just wait till Jan 1, 2009, and have it done at that time, but painless death cannot be gauranteed at that time. It's on c span right now, check it out!

Answer 1

Yeah, also heaven and h**l are seeking a highl powered merger so as to harmonise client base and synergise. This endeavour is facing stiff opposition from minority shareholders of the latter entity- h**l Corp (environmentalists and corporate governance types) who are claiming that such merger will result into their suffering irreparable harm and loss. Sulphur wastes from the said h**l Corp are also being brought within the ambit of the Kyoto Protocol.

Antitrusts activists are also on the rampage demanding a consumer harm inquiry.

Answer 2

yea i heard about that

Answer 3

Just thinking of something that farfetched is wasting valuable time.

Answer 4

This is a joke, right?

Answer 5

i had a dream and Jesus was in it...people were trying to kill us...

Answer 6

Ha, what a joke.

Answer 7

You are SO WRONG. The Interplanetary league has nothing to do with any of this. Like you know they all voted "Not Yet", didn't you? And god is busy helping Joan in Arcadia. Besides, Jesus is heading for the nearest shop that accepts coupons. As if he would waste his bargain time on 6 billion people.

Answer 8

Go write a science fiction book.

Did you read the one where they found the mummified body of Jesus in the cellar of the Vatican.  

They stole it and blasted it into outer space for him to finally ascend.

Answer 9

Good plot who will be the producer and the stars?   Have the paperback and DVD rights been negotioated yet?

Answer 10

He would be awful to see the cruelty imposed by the name of God.

"Animals are God's creatures, not human property, nor utilities, nor resources, nor commodities, but precious beings in God's sight. ... Christians whose eyes are fixed on the awfulness of crucifixion are in a special position to understand the awfulness of innocent suffering. The Cross of Christ is God's absolute identification with the weak, the powerless, and the vulnerable, but most of all with unprotected, undefended, innocent suffering."

Do you feel wise for Him to "return"?