Did you notice, that there are more anti-adoption than pro-adoption people on Yahoo?

Question

Why are there so many anti and what's your reason to anti? There are more people give you thumb downs on your answers if you made a pro adoption comment, is because you think it's baby stealing? baby trading?

Answer 1

For the last time, very very very very very few of us are actually anti-adoption.

A few of us are (and I suspect you're misinterpreting what that means, by the way), but MOST of us are simply pro-adoption-reform.

Answer 2

I would much rather someone put their child up for adoption than to kill them with abortion! And you can watch how many thumbs down I will get for throwing abortion in there...bring on the haters..lol..but at least I am not nor do I condone murder. Adoption gives family's a chance to have a baby to love & care for when for what ever reason they are not able to have one on their own,so how can that be bad?

Answer 3

Adoption is a necessary evil. There are children languishing in foster care who will ultimately graduate to adult life with no family and little hopes of achieving their full potential.

The unfortunate side of it is that the vast majority of adopters want a perfect baby. They wrongly assume that a newborn will come with no baggage and thus be integrated into their families with ease. This is simply not the case. More pre and post adoption counselling and resources are needed. Less coercion tactics need to be called into play, they are damaging and result in natural mom's essentially being pushed into placing children they would much rather parent. Adoption has become big business in the last hundred years. One needs only look into the maternity home scandals early in the past century to see that. This continues now but on a much grander scale.

Natural moms are told they are making the most loving sacrifice and adopters are told they are bringing home "their own" child. Neither is the case.  

I do not condemn adoption but seek adoption reform. For children to be placed through well legislated agencies with more resources available to adoptee, adopter and natural families. For people to be open to the idea of older child adoption. For the baby brokers, who promise easy and fast adoptions by way of insane monetary figures, to be put out of work.  

I wish for adoption to truly become what it should already be; a means of helping abandoned and orphaned  children find loving homes. Not what it is; a means of forcing emotional pregnant women to "gift" their own child into the arms of people who are promised things that can never be.

Answer 4

There are very few people in here who are truly anti-adoption.  However, there are a lot of adult adoptees  who have no other avenues to express their conflicting feelings about the way the system presently works.

It seems that raising any concerns about the adoption system is simply not acceptable to  many people.  One wonders   why this is so, and why the people who are supposed to benefit from the system -- i.e., the adoptees -- are its worst critics.  

Honestly, I am flabbergasted at how many adoptive parents brush the concerns of adult adoptees aside.  You are raising your own adoptive children -- do you want them to feel bitter about their life with you?  If not, it behooves you to ask those adult adoptees about why they feel that way -- and REALLY listen to an answer, instead of shifting the blame back at them.

Answer 5

I agree with you whole-heartedly...Ever notice how if you have anything at all positive to say about adoption the number of thumbs down your response receives is almost quadruple what the anti-adoption answers are.  For some reason everybody having an opinion only counts if your opinion matches theirs.  If it differs you are called ignorant (funny some of them can't even spell it) and told that you are brain washed...

What is even better of course is that they answer your questions with rage and accusations but have any contact outside of Y Q&A blocked so that they can voice their opinions and you have no recourse accept to post another question that they can get points for answering...Funny don't you think

Answer 6

I'm not anti adoption.

I just think paps should learn from the experiences of adult adoptess instead of saying we are all being negative and rude.

When you are pregnant, you read baby books and talk to people who have had babies.  When you are going to adopt, the best resources are parents that already adopted and adoptees themselves.

Answer 7

I have never noticed anti-adoption comments on yahoo. I think adoption is a wonderful thing! I wish that more people would consider adoption when they can't conceive rather than spend tens of thousands of dollars trying to force a pregnancy. And you people can take your thumbs down's up stick them up your a*s because this is just my opinion!

Answer 8

pro adoption all the way... if one of my friends wasnt adopted i would be totally lost!

Answer 9

Ah yes...  the poor persecuted pro-adoption advocate...  How hard your life is...

Seriously, I have seen few people on this site who are anti-adoption.  I have seen a number of ADOPTEES (who presumably have some experience in what adoption is like) who have raised questions about the truthfulness of the adoption industry and who have argued repeatedly for change.  They advocate for putting the child first, since adoption is supposed to be about the child.  

But I see these adoptees, who generally are trying to answer questions, get plenty of thumbs down.  For what?  Bursting the imaginary ideal of adoption as a perfect solution?  For daring to suggest that adoptees may face problems because of adoption?  What exactly is their crime?

You watch...  I'll have plenty of thumbs down for this...  ;)

Answer 10

i'm anti adoption....i don't think that unless it is completley neccessary should you put up a child for adoption....i don't think that it is baby trading or stealing or anything like that....but put yourself in the adopted kids shoes....would you like not knowing who your birth parents are...what if u want to go back to these people but you love ur adopted parents too...it's a lot of stress to put on 1 person in a lifetime i just don't think that it's right...or what if u try to find ur birthparents and they don't want to even talk to you or don't remember you.........that would be soooooo hard....that's why i'm anti adoption.

Answer 11

i think there is a lot of ignorance regarding adoption. many people think that it's a wonderful win/win/win situation for everyone!.  the birthmother gets to live her life free from the stress of raising a child, the child gets a great life in a home with two, older, finanically stable parents, and the adoptive parents get to fulfill their dreams of parenting.

meanwhile, back on planet earth...

1-adoption isn't always the best thing for the bmom. look at how many women are still in pain from giving up babies decades ago.

2-adoption isn't always good for the child. although many of the adult adopters have been lambasted for speaking out against adoption, there's something to be gained from the perspective of one who has experienced it.

3- adoption isn't always good for the aparents.  many times, aparents still feel "empty" or struggle with their infertility.  

4-adoption is a business. so whenever there's money involved, one's radar must always be up. specifically, adoption is a business about placing babies.

5-adoption center counseling is biased. i find it kind of odd that they purport to offer counseling for young pregnant women in crisis pregnancies, when they only want her to place.

6- unfortunately, there are some unethical adoption practices (telling the bmom to say she doesn't know who the father is, telling her that she will be reported to CPS if she decides to parent, et al) that make adoption less than rosy.

7- most advocates for adoption are usually neither bmothers/bfathers nor adoptees.

8- adoption is no longer  a business for placing unwanted babies, yet a business of healing infertility.

9-most people who are anti (or want reform) have either relinquished, made a plan and changed their mind, or are an adoptee.

10- the "hype" sold to young women is that their baby will be raised in a two-parent household. unfortunately, the divorce rate of 50% doesn't exclude aparents!  so it's very possible that the very situation she placed to avoid, the child will deal with anyway.

in other words, it's a complex issue. and one that's often cloaked in the best interest of adoptive parents and agency.

Answer 12

I don't think that many people are anti-adoption. I just think that when people are asking advice about abortion and they get bombarded with the adoption speech, it is unnecessary. I think many who haven't gone through adoption or given their baby up, have no idea how hard it really is.

Answer 13

I am not "anti-adoption."  I had a great adoption.  However, I think anyone who examines the contemporary adoption industry and finds no problems with it is kidding him/erself.  Babies are being purchased while children languish in the foster care system.  The so-called "white infant shortage" means mothers of newborns are being coerced and babies are being literally stolen in other countries for adoption here.  

I do get frustrated when people who have no idea what they're talking about try to tell me how to feel about being adopted.  This has happened all my life.  First it was "Don't you ever wonder about your real parents?" and then it was "How can you search?  You'll break your real parents' hearts!"  

The comments that bother me are the ones written by people who think that adoption is one hundred per cent good and wonderful.  Nothing on this planet is one hundred per cent good and wonderful!

Adoption is a highly emotional issue, so people get emotional about it.

Answer 14

I am all for adoption if....

1. the child is legally free

2. reunification is obviously NOT going to happen

3. open adoptions (where the parents choose)

It's not baby trading / stealing children and for those of you who think so...

try reading

A boy called it by Dave Peltzer...and tell me what you think should have happened!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 15

I don't really understand why.

I have my own personal beliefs that I do not shove onto others. In my mind, it is not my place to judge anyone...I don't even know them...I only know what they are typing.

I may severely disagree with a subject, but in the end...I cannot judge them.

Adoption, abortion, breastfeeding, spanking...all these very sensitive topics have many opinion linked to them, and I have strong personal beliefs for them myself.

However, my life is about living it as honest and good as I possibly can, and treating others, no matter what, like I would want to be treated....no matter what their decisions.

Answer 16

I wonder if they are taking that stand just to be controversial.  It makes you question how truthful they are.

Answer 17

I'm for adoption. There are so many children out there that need homes. Why would you be against a child having a home?

Answer 18

Adoption should be encouraged more.  It should be viewed as the first choice to overcoming fertility problems.  It helps alleviate poverty as well.  If you are pro choice you should focus on streamlining and expanding the adoption process rather than changing the law.  You can't be both Pro Choice and Anti Adoption.  Stop encouraging unchecked reproduction.

Answer 19

Adoption in my eyes is the most responsible thing to do when you know you cant take care of the baby or if you just do not want to- FLAT OUT!! ppl form their own opinions and hate it and can not accept it when others do not feel the same way as themselves. It is very sad, but some ppl do not understand anything but what they want to.

Answer 20

I think some people are just stating their experinces and not all have had a good experince with the adoption industry. Some people are trying to give others a well rounded view of adoption. it's not all cupcakes and roses, at times people get hurt. i had a good experince- my adoptive parents love me and provided a stable home enviroment for me. So growing up i always felt that adoption was the greatest thing. It wasn't until i got older and did some research on adoption that i found there were people hurt by the adoption industry. now there are those that have posted comments that seem to generalize all us adoptees in a group. these comments i really resent. each experince is different so, while i grew up in a household were i didn't have to live up to my parents potential of an ideal child, doesn't mean that other adoptees didn't. there are some issues that i deal with that are normal to most adoptees, i just don't like to be put into a group. most anti people will generalize how us adoptees should feel or do feel. some anti people have never been adopted or tried to deal with adoption that say stuff(i really can't stand these people). Some anti people do think it's baby stealing because some times a mother is pressured to give up the baby when she could of rasied the baby. it's such a hot topic, i still have mixed emotions. i feel it's good but i can also see the bad side of it.

Answer 21

I don't know many people who refer to adoption as baby-stealing outside of pro-adoption people who consistently claim they are being called that.

Just because you see a need for reform in adoption does not make you anti.  Their are a lot of myths about adoption, the biggest one being that children want to be adopted, I am sure some do, but not even all children from care do.

Another myth is that adoption saves a child from death, see Crystal's answer.  The alternative to adoption is not abortion but parenting.  My mother didn't abort me because she didn't want to, I didn't abort my son because I didn't want to.

For some reason, people like myself who think it is important for the reality of adoption to be a part of any discourse on adoption , we are labeled as anti-adoption.

I mean really does adoption have such a weak foundation that it can't handle criticism, or people tear their hair out?  It's all a bit Wizard of Oz isn't it?

Adoption does not cure infertility, people should know that.

Adoptees as a class suffer more than their non-adopted peers, are grossly over- represented in every dysfunctional group from ADHD to suicides and serial killers.

Obviously not all adoptees suffer to the same extent, I am in a long-term relationship, have a healthy grown child and run my own business.  A far cry from Joel Rifkin for example.  

Adoption agencies like American Adoptions ,Adoption Law Network , Bethany, and Courageous Choice exploit the desires of infertile people, vulnerable pregnant women and certainly babies by failing to inform them of the consequences of adoption and instead paint it as a rosy, win-win-win situation.

Adoption of healthy white infants is still driving the market even though thousands of children languish in care.

Adopters are led to believe that there is no difference, pregnant women are led to believe that they do not matter to their own children.

I think it is vital that real adoptees tell their real stories whatever they are, for people to understand the nature of adoption.

The sticking of one's head in the sand perpetuates the problems, caveat emptor.

Answer 22

I believe adoption has a place, of course! as a last resort and when absolutely necessary

In fact I've only seen one solitary person on YA say categorically that they are 100% anti-adoption and that's ok - they are entitled to feel that way.  It seems that anyone who disagrees that everything about adoption is just warm and fuzzy and perfect for all involved is labelled 'anti-adoption' !!  which isn't accurate, it isn't true and it isn't fair.  It won't stop people hurt by adoption speaking their truth though - however uncomfortable it makes some people feel.

I think the best adoptive parents are those who actually listen to those who have lived adoption, those who ARE adoption and who are true to their feelings.  I've met loads of wonderful adoptive parents in this category, unfortunately they are the minority, sigh

I have had no bad experience of adoption other than the obvious trauma of being separated from my mother, with lifelong consequences.  Oh, and the incredibly stoooopid practice of my own birth records being sealed from me! which stinks of discrimination.  In fact I think I was one of the lucky ones who did not end up with narcissistic adoptive parents!  and when people say that just because I disagree with alot of stuff that goes on in the adoption world, I must have had a 'bad experience' it is a kick in the teeth to my wonderful adoptive parents

However, I do believe adoption practises need urgent reform and should return to being a social service for children rather than a multi-billion dollar business serving the needs of adoptive parents

Answer 23

really?  Your is the first question I have seen regarding adoption......most questions are related to abortions.

I think adoption is a great thing.  If you have a baby and don't want it............there are PLENTY of people out there that want kids and can't have them

Answer 24

It seems that everyone who was adopted and had a bad experience is very, very bitter and they all seem to congregate here.