Did you partner change after baby was born?

Question

My partner has voiced his belief that working to financially support his family is "parenting". I'm a little worried that he thinks that would be his role if we had a baby, and I'd be the one left doing the actual parenting.

Did your husband/partner change his behavior or attitude to parenting after baby was born??

(BTW: I'm not pregnant at present, but want to be in a few years)

Answer 1

We both changed.  Everything we ever said we wouldn't do, we did.  We fight more now due to the stress and sleep deprivation.  He is still a good dad, he loves his son and will do anything for him.  We both feel a great deal of respect toward parents.

Answer 2

Yes. My husband had a similar attitude. "I'm not changing diapers, giving baths, etc." He too, is the one that brings in the income. Now we "fight" over our daughter. He loves giving her baths and taking her for walks. He comes home from work and snatches her up first thing and tickles her tummy. Although he isn't too keen on the diapers still!  I don't know if it's true for every man, but it was here.

Answer 3

What your partner is telling you is that he will not be a help in parenting your child, he thinks all he will have to do is financially support you and the child and at the end of the day he will come home and plop in front of the TV instead of asking if the baby needs changed. I see this ALL the time with women in my mom's group. Some of them are practically single parents for all their husbands help and many of them are miserable about it. It's just how some guys view the male role in parenting (probably the way they were raised). Trust me, your man is not going to change when he sees his baby's face, ever hear the saying "people don't change"? People say it for a reason.  

Answer 4

We actually fight less than ever.  Before I had a baby and even when I was pregnant, I was expected to do the majority of the housework.  He had every excuse in the book as to why he couldn't do things.  For example, he's color blind, so he can't cook because he can't tell the difference between pink and brown and will serve us undercooked meat (I don't look at the color, I go by the texture, but he would never let me teach him).  I kind of let it go because it was easier to just do it and not argue.

But now, he is much more helpful because he sees how much I have to do.  It is kind of nice when my daughter needs to eat right when I'm in the middle of cooking or something.  I have to drop everything & nurse & he has no choice but to finish what I was doing while I nurse.  He is much more helpful & won't hesitate to do what I ask.  It's nice.

Of course, I make more money than him so he doesn't pull the "breadwinner" card.

Answer 5

Before I got pregnant, my boyfriend always said he was pro-spanking. With time, he has decided that he agrees with me (against it, please no thumbs down the question is not about spanking, it's just an example of how he changed)

Before I got pregnant he was uncertain of being ready ... now, 33 weeks pregnant, he just can't wait...

He has changed in so many ways. He is more caring, more affectionate, he used to say he'd never change a diaper... and he now changed his mind ...

Don't worry about it too much ... he has a lot of time to change ;)

Answer 6

Well, we decided that I would stay at home, so most of the baby stuff did fall on me during the day. Which is fine, that was and still is my job. I wouldn't be able to bring what he brings to the parenting equation. He is a better playmate then I am. He is also a better disciplinarian. He definitely changed for the better though. He still goes to work but now he does it for me and the kids, so it's a much different mind frame for him. Working isn't parenting...working is part of the job but not the whole thing.