Did your MIL REALLY get on your nerves during pregnancy?

Question

First off my MIL is the neediest woman in the world - she makes up illnesses all the time for attention, she bugs my husband for attention and tells him how much I hate her. Anyway, since she said that I hated her I decided to make even more of an effort to make her feel wanted and included with what I do - we've done some baby stuff, I hang out with her etc.

Well, last night after he picked her up at the airport she goes to him "You don't even KNOW what I think of your wife Kathy" (me) in just a really mean manner. He just ignored it and brought her home and left. Needless to say I'm hurt because I'm the one who always sticks up for her when he trash talks her to me, or wants to not include her or is mean to her. Now, she dislikes me - it's so ODD.

She lives alone (is divorced) and her two sons are married - one lives across the country and we unfortunately live on the same street (moving is not an option now). She's lonely - which is sad but we cannot cure her loneliness and it is getting worse now that the baby is coming. I think she realizes her son will devote even less attention to her (though she gets about 1 hour a day from him).

What do I do about her? She's driving me NUTS! Did anyone else have a similar experience or just ANY experience with a crazy MIL?

Answer 1

mine is being crazy in somewhat of an opposite way than yours. my  husband and i work crazy schedules so we will sometimes need childcare on the weekends and she of course volunteered to do that which we are so grateful for. so last week i gave her a 4 month calendar of all of the dates that we would need her to watch the baby and she said "this is it? it's not enough"  then she wanted to know if on those weekends she can keep the baby overnight. i'm sure at some point we'll let her keep the baby overnight but i can't see at three months me letting her keep the baby when one or both of us will be home. plus i will be breastfeeding and unless she starts making milk... it's not going to happen. so since i'm not letting that happen she has decided that she'll just stay the night at our house on those weekends that we need her to babysit.(yay)

she is also mad at us because we have chosen not to find out what we're having so she can't shop for things for the baby because there just isn't enough gender neutral stuff.  whenever she talks about the baby she gets this crazed look in her eye and i told my husband that i hope she doesn't try to steal the baby.

also my mother in law doesn't think that i am a good daughter in law because i don't call her enough or make an effort to bond with her. ironically i call her and see her more than i see or call my own mother. i just happen to have been raised as a very independent person and my mom and i don't need to talk on a weekly basis, we talk maybe once a month. so basically my mother in law thinks i am a crappy daughter.

i think most of us have mother in laws that in some way are needy, overbearing, judgemental, alienating or some other "unattractive" quality.

Answer 2

It sounds like she is jealous. I would just ignore it, Dont let it get you down, Or it will cause problems with you and your hubby.

Answer 3

Does your husband stick up for you, or does he just politely listen to his mother rant about his wife?

I'd ask him to tell her that he refuses to listen to any more wife bashing.  If you've done nothing to deserve this, she needs to be put in her place.  It must be tough to see your son move on and devote his life to another woman, but *most* MILs do this just fine.  She doesn't get a pass!

If she's determined to be a grump, and your husband can't find a way to stop her, just do your best to ignore her.  The fact that you are being so nice to her makes you the better woman.  Deep down she knows you're good, even if she chooses to rant about you.  It's probably just misdirected jealousy.  I know it is tough, but try not to worry about what she says.  You're being a good daughter-in-law, and that's what matters.

Edit:  Glad to hear your husband's trying.  She just sounds like a bit of a looney.  My grandparents did the same thing to my parents, and my folks eventually just severed ties.  It wasn't worth it to them anymore--seeing family should be a good thing, not one that makes you upset.  I'm not saying that getting her out of your life is the right choice, but you should do what you think is best.

Answer 4

My future MIL is quite the opposite....she calls to check on me and emails me!  She only gives advice when asked and if she doesnt know the answer she will research it or ask someone else but she never acts like she knows everything!  The rest of his family is horrible...his sister is very jealous but she knows better than to open her mouth b/c he will put her in her place.  She even invited his ex fiance to a family event at her house and knew I would be there.....the whole family (except him and his mom) treated her like they had never broken up....chatted about old times and even looked at old pics!  My two grandmothers and a few of my other family members seem to think I dont have parental skills to raise a baby....they keep asking me if this is what I want and trying to talk me out of it and giving up the baby to im guessing one of them I dunno!  What so crazy is that we bought a house and have arragned for me to work part time so I can spend time with the baby and have even been taking parenting classes and stuff....my bf hasnt missed one docs appt and doesnt plan to and we are both very involved in the is pregnancy and looking forward to being parents.  I hate that some ppl think that when a young unmarried woman gets prego that she doesnt care too much about raising her baby and act like the baby is just up for grabs by anyone!  My other grandma even took the steps to find me a baby sitter....she lives an hour and a half away and she looked up a sitter in my area that happens to be one of her friends and even told her friend we wanted her to sit for us!  We have interviewed plenty of daycares and picked one we thought was wonderful and got on the waiting list!

Answer 5

Yeah, I hate my MIL too...she's poor and always begging us for money:(

Answer 6

The moment we told her we were pregnant, my relationship with my mother-in-law went down the crapper.  I'm sure some of my reactions to her were hormone-related, but in general, the woman drives my bonkers.  She's also VERY needy.  Everytime she talks about my husband, she doesn't use his name.  She just says, "My son, your husband".  I know it sounds harmless, but the way she says it is irritating.  In every conversation about my husband, she has to reiterate the fact that he's HER son.  Like I've forgotten or need the clarification.  lol

When he left for his first deployment, she said, "I guess you can see him off, but I WILL be there when he comes home."  *rolls eyes* She's so bossy and rude and pushy and "involved".  We told her that we would prefer for it to just be the kids and I that pick him up when he returns, but she continues to insist that she's his mother and she should be there.  *rolls eyes again*.  She has no respect for our family.  In her mind, my husband should prioritize his life with her as #1, then the kids, then me.  I can't stand that woman.

When we got pregnant with our first child, she said, "Oh that's great!  Did you see how great I was with Cassie's kids (my bro-in-laws girlfriend) and finally decided that it was time to make me a grandma?"  Uh.  NO!  Are you crazy?!  She makes EVERYTHING about her.  That comment was the moment I realized she was nuts and I started avoiding her as much as possible.

Answer 7

OMG My MIL has been getting on my nerves BAD! She is kind-of a control freak she has twin girls with kids (one twin lives with her) and she is constantly taking over. Her daughter will tell her not to give the kids candy before bed and she will anyway. Since I have been pregnant she has back off a little but she puts ideas in my hunny's head...such as being in the delivery room & baby names that she believes to be a good idea. Sometimes I wish we lived farther away (we live about 4 miles away) but like you moving is not an option. I am just upfront with my husband with how I want or don't want her involved. My philosophy: she is the grandmother not the mother if she can not respect what I want the less included she will be.

As for your MIL confront her with your husband. On day when ya'll are together just tell her that you feel as if she does not like you...you could even break down crying and mention that you try so hard to include her but you feel as if she is pushing you away. It will appear genuine to the husband and make her feel bad in the process...sneaky but it may work! Good luck!  

Answer 8

yeah.. mine is the typical evil mil you see on tv. mean, selfish, needy, rude etc.. and i am only 15 weeks now and she is being really irritating. when we told her she like shouted " i want to go to EVERY dr appointment!!!! getting off work is no problem!! just let me know when you go and ill go!!!"  i didnt know what to say. i dont want her there. she has done some terrible terrible things to me and my husband over the years and she is lucky she even knows she is going to be a grandmother again (she has 2 from her other son) my husband just recently started talking to her again. and after we told her she started calling him every single day. she is going to be one of those imposing grandmothers thats going to tell me how to raise it, show up unnannounced every other day... uh.. she already gave out our phone number and email addresses to baby places without our permission. all the phone calls now from places. she is a nightmare.

there is a difference between helping and obsessing.  and honestly with the type of person that she is, i can almost garuntee that if its a girl she is going to be soooooo mad that we are not going to name it after her. with the bil son, she was soooooooooooooooo MAD that his wife gave birth before she even got to the hospital! LIKE SHE COULD CONTROL IT!?!  they called her when she went into labor and left for the hospital! AHHH.. i could go on and on.. this woman angers me.  

Answer 9

My mom is driving me insain... I think its because this is her first grandchild and I live across the country from her. She keeps trying to tell me how to be pregnant and asks questions over and over.

I know she is just trying to be helpful, but I get so tired of it. I am blaming it on hormones.

I think yours is that your MIL already lost her son to the "evil woman who seduced him" (you) and now instead of embracing the new child she will get to be apart of she is seeing that as another thing that will steal her son from her. Its sad.  

Answer 10

Oh just wait then she will say how you are raising the baby wrong, doing things the wrong way, prolly accuse you of neglect or abuse I see these stories all the time on Dr. Phil (lol I love that show)and they sound exactly the same as yours. I feel bad for you I really do but just know that she is in fact the one who is miserable and misery loves company!!

Answer 11

like I said in the other question.. he's her baby boy and you are trying to take him away.. how dare you marry him and get pregnant, now she's really not going to get any attention! you are the evil wife. nothing you have done, it could of been anyone, she wouldn't of been happy with ANYONE marrying him. No one is good enough.

My only suggestion is he sucks it up and quits helping her out. Yeah she's probably not going to be happy about that, but if he doesn't like the things she says about you, complains about having to help her all the time, then why is he doing it? seriously? because she's his mother and probably feels he doesn't have a choice. he does. Just Say No!

Tell her he has his own family now and can't be helping her out everytime she calls him.

Too bad you didn't marry the son that moved far away huh? lol

Part of the problem is that you live so close.. who moved close to who? that might answer a question or two for ya. lol

  

Answer 12

oh my...well just ingore her

---Prego nurse

Answer 13

This is a tough situation.

First of all - your husband should be sticking up for his wife and babies mother when HIS mother is saying these rude things about you.  This is not YOUR responsibility.  He and she are being disrespectful to you.  So stick up for yourself and start telling him he needs to say something or you will!!!

Second - if she is going to continue being rude to you and making unnecessary comments, cut her off.  It is not your obligation to go out of your way to "make" her like you.  You are who you are and shouldn't have to change for anyone - especially your mother-in-law!!!  She is not the one who married you.

Third - if your cowardly husband does not choose to speak up - you will.  Have a nice "sit down" with your MIL and explain to her that you do not need this stress while you are pregnant and that you deserve respect.  Whether she likes it or not - you are the mother to her grandchild.  Furthermore, tell her that if she can not respect you and can't treat you nice, she will not be welcome in your home or around your child.  You don't want or need that kind of negativity around YOUR child.

Good luck and be strong.  Congrats on your baby.

OK - IF HE HAS SPOKEN TO HER AND SHE IS STILL ACTING LIKE A 3 YEAR OLD, THE BEST THING TO DO IS IGNORE HER.  BOTH YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND.  TELL HER THAT YOU REFUSE TO HAVE HER PART OF YOUR BABIES LIFE OR YOUR LIVES UNTIL SHE CAN START TO BE RESPECTFUL.  JUST BECAUSE SHE IS HIS MOTHER DOES NOT GIVE HER THE RIGHT TO ACT/SAY WHATEVER SHE WANTS.  GOOD LUCK.