Didn't make registry, want $$ instead, will it work?

Question

I sent out save the dates to everyone 5 months before my wedding in december. Since me and my husband married 2 1/2 years ago (before deploying to iraq) and now that he's home, live together, we have everything we need. I've been living on my own, and now with him home, for the 2 1/2 years of our marriage so I didn't find a reason to create a registry.

At the bottom of the save-the-dates, i wrote..

"The Bride and Groom will not be registering anywhere because they are blessed to have everything they need with each other"

I figured this would give a hint that I don't want gifts, but money. The family knows were in college and whatnot...

one of my bridesmaids called and said "i know ur save the date said no gifts, but i found a perfect one for you!" and i had to explain "it's not that i don't want gifts, just that i don't need things for our place- i haev enough c**p, i just want cash but didn't find it appropriate or proper to write cash only"

so now i'm thinking......... will guests know to give $$$? would YOU know?

Answer 1

Technically you did the right thing as it is very poor etiquette for ASK for money.

Based on what you said I would bring a gift card with me to give as a gift and then maybe attach a little book of my favorite meal recipes  

Answer 2

the people are going to do what you want.

i made it clear that i didnt want a coffee pot, what did we get a coffee pot?

i made it clear that he has his own place and everything he needed, what did we get? 3 sets of ugly colored towels.

good luck.

people are not going to want to give you cash, and they probably wont. they didnt at our shower.  

Answer 3

People are going to try to buy you a gift no matter what.  A lot of people don't like giving money at all.  What I would have done is registered at a place that takes returns easy and then registered for things that are easy to return.  Also at a place that you shop at a lot.

The only way to help push the money is maybe both of your parents can call the immediate family members and let them know that you really need help with college bills with planning the wedding.

Answer 4

As a general rule of thumb I don't give gifts at weddings, I stick to cash. Easier and usually preferred. Gifts are usually given at the shower. I think you should be fine.

Answer 5

Some people will take that as "no gifts"

What you can do, tell who you are comfortable with and they can spread the word.

If you have a wedding website write a little note that you have what you need but would love monetary gifts for .....

Answer 6

Sorry, but I honestly would have read that as you didn't want anything (gifts or money). I still would take you a bottle of wine or something though as I would be embarrassed to go to a wedding without anything. I agree with Jess- it would be best not to mention anything about gifts, registries, etc. on the invite and then hopefully they'll get the hint that you would like money.

Answer 7

If I got that save the date, I would not be buying you anything, nor giving you anything. You said that you were blessed and did not need anything except each other. Hmmmm.

You did not ask for money, you asked for nothing.

Why would you write that on a save a date?

Do what everyone else does, you write in the invitation that people are to give you large sums of money, or don't bother to come to the wedding.  

Answer 8

I understand where you're coming from, but asking for money is rude and tacky, no matter how you do it. It was good of you to put "no gifts" on your invites, but you just have to accept what people give you if you don't register anywhere. You should accept every gift graciously, no matter what it is.

Your guests are your GUESTS, not a source of income.

Answer 9

I wouldn't be bringing you a gift of any kind, because you have already been married a long time - however you got married WAS your wedding. And of course there was no need to register You shouldn't be planning a full out wedding, maybe a nice anniversary party....

Answer 10

Many people think its rude but my situation is similar. We are getting married and we have 2 children and have lived together for years. We have everything that we need in our home. We have let everyone know that we have chosen not to register for this reason. I guess some people think its rude but I simply don't need gifts and I don't expect them. But whoever has rung and asked about what to get us has usually said ''if you haven't registered, can I give you money?.'' People do get the idea and its still totally obligation free. If we are given a little cash, we will use it to upgrade our furniture or put it towards a family holiday. You shouldn't feel bad about it. I think the whole idea of a bridal registry and telling people what they must buy you is a little rude. Hinting that you would prefer money is no ruder than sending someone a slip of paper saying ''are you going to buy me the knife block or the toaster?'' Congrats and good luck.

Answer 11

I have received an invitation like this, I felt weird not going to the wedding without a gift afraid that everyone else would have one despite the fact it said No gifts.  So, yes, I did give money.  People will get it, especially your family!

Answer 12

I have to admit that I would probably take that quote to mean no gifts too. Especially reading it quickly as guests often do on invitations. I think it is the "because they are blessed to have everything they need with each other" part that suggests you don't want anything (money included). But I would probably bring a small gift anyway as I'd feel rude going to a wedding without something.

It's a bit late to take the save the dates back now. I wouldn't put any mention of gifts on the invitation and hopefully people will figure it out.

Answer 13

I have some friends that did that - got married last year before he got shipped to Iraq - and they're having a reaffirmation of their vows and a reception this fall with all the friends they didn't/couldn't invite last year.  They didn't register either, and they've been livign together for a while so they have everything they need.

I'd leave it alone. Don't tell people you just want cash, I'd just say that you didn't make a registry because you already have a lot of stuff.  People may still get you a gift, but others will instinctively give you cash or possibly gift cards - I'm going to give my friends I spoke of earlier a gift card to Lowe's and one to Bed Bath and Beyond, becuase I know they're doing some home improvement and maybe their blender is on its last leg.  Who knows?

Answer 14

Wow. I can't believe you told your bridesmaid that. I think you should have said, "Well, we don't really need anything, but I am sure we will love whatever you decide to get us."

You essentially told her you wanted cash, which was sort of rude.

Yes, people will figure it out.

Answer 15

Yeah, people have this horrible habit of believing what you tell them. I would believe you, and then give something small and consumable.

This goes doubly because this isn't your wedding. I'm not sure if it's a reception or if you're including a renewal of vows, but if you somehow managed to get married without a wedding that's a first.  

Answer 16

It wasnt good to write that on the save-the-date.

And you really shouldnt have said that to your bridesmaid, either.

Gifts are gifts, you cannot hint or put requirements on them. The most you can do is not register, and most people give money anyway. Give your guests a little credit; they were in college once too.

How is it youre having a wedding in December if you got married 2 yrs ago?

Answer 17

You really need to register. You will get gifts that you really don't want!

Try registering at a place that will give you cash back. :)

Crate and Barrel does!

Good luck!  

Answer 18

Registering for gifts now would be a little silly (because of the time that has elapsed since getting married).  Not asking for gifts on a registry but instead demanding cash is incredibly rude!  If I got an invitation even hinting at just wanting money, I would not attend or send a gift.  People might be under the impression that you want no gifts at all so I would not be surprised if you get less than you hoped for.  Also, you can plan on family members calling you to ask about a registry and will you tell them "CASH ONLY!!"?

You aren't getting married in December and starting life as newlyweds, you are having a vow renewal.  A wedding is still a wedding if you get legally married at the justice of the peace or have a $50,000 wedding.

Answer 19

If I got a save-the-date like that, I wouldn't buy you anything.

...Partially since I don't think you should have mentioned anything about gifts on your save-the-date, regardless of what you said about them.