Difference of religion...?

Question

I'm atheist, and my fiance' is a christian and wants to be a preacher. We love each other very much, and he thinks its something we can work through. I know it's something we need to figure out before we get married in May. What do you think?

Answer 1

You guys are headed for a catastrophe.  It is against his faith to marry an unbeliever, plain and simple.  If he compromises his faith to say 'I do' to you, then decides afterwards he's going to be this 'preacher,' I seriously doubt that he will be as tolerant or accepting of your atheism as he is now.  If he does become some kind of a 'wishy-washy, cheap-grace preacher, he won't be a very effective one.  Who would take a preacher seriously that married someone who doesn't believe in the God he preaches about?  And what about your children?  How are you going to raise them, as Christians or atheists?  Are you going to be tolerant of him teaching them about "God" or "Christ" while you indoctrinating them with atheism?  No offense, but he is not really a Christian if he goes contrary to Christian teaching to marry you.  And it will hurt him to marry you and you don't eventually 'convert' in your heart to his faith.  Faith-wise and value-wise, you are polar opposites, and that spells major conflict that will divide you from each other and ruin any chances that your marriage might have.  I say break it off now, it is easier to break off an engagement than it is to end a marriage.  It will save you a lot of heartache and pain in the future.      

Answer 2

he should know that the bible says  ÃƒÂ¢Ã‚€ÂœDo not become unevenly yoked with unbelievers. For what fellowship do righteousness and lawlessness (i'm not saying that  you are lawless this is just what it says) have? Or what sharing does light have with darkness? Further, what harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what portion does a faithful person have with an unbeliever? And what agreement does God’s temple have with idols?” (2 Corinthians 6:14-16) it says that for a reason.......he might try to change you which could lead to resentment on both parts....what religion will your kids be? what will you do during holiday's? all those things must be thought about.......it sounds like a disaster to me.....but if you go through with it I hope it works out!

Answer 3

Thats a hard one because you believe in no god. I am Christian and my heart is with a Muslim, so inter religion is possible. Although this isnt a difference in religion because you have no religion and that might cause future problems, but if its true love you hopefully can figure it out. Good luck and congrats!

Answer 4

That's a pretty significant difference in worldview.  It's not like simply being a member of different denominations within the same faith.  Personally,  I like the Biblical advice of not being unequally yoked with a nonbeliever.   When troubles come, and they will, you will not be on common ground.  I have seen the dynamics of this firsthand with my parents' marriage - agnostic x Christian.  It can get really hairy when children come along.

Answer 5

Hmmm... I could see it working between, say, two different Christian denominations... or possibly two reasonably similar religions. At best, two monotheistic religions, since they still believe in basically the same thing, that is, that there is God, that we should learn about Him and in some way or another serve Him, etc etc.

But in this case we're talking about fundamental differences - one person who believes in God and another who believes that there's no God. Even at best, raising children can be problematic.

And it's not something you can just decide to believe because you want to be with the other person. No amount of love between you will prove or disprove existence of God. So, it's not something that can really be rushed.

My advice - both of you should think a lot about it, as this can become a critical issue if both of you really, deeply believe what you say you believe.

Answer 6

I think he assumes you will eventually convert...  

Answer 7

basically your religion is your universal perception of your meanings of life.

It's supposed to guide you in a sense. So basically your simple views on certain things will be almost 100% different then how your fiancee sees them at times.

as a christian he/she will be able to forgive and show mercy to those to have done him/her the greatest injustices and caused him/her enormous pain and stand still when others would fall to their knees or just lost it altogether.

you fiance is definantly hoping you convert through him. Basically rub off on you.

Answer 8

Um.. I think that differences in religion are one of the reasons for divorce.  If you are an atheist and he is a Christian, how would you raise any children you may have?  

And, how would it look to his congregation if the preacher's wife is an atheist?

Sooner or later the stress in having such different opinions will put a strain on the marriage.

Answer 9

I think he needs to postpone your marriage.  

It will take longer to understand your differences and ultimately, he will resort to his love of God, prayer, and his faith for help with life's struggles and suffering, while you, so long as you hold onto your atheistic belief, will be forever wandering in worldly lessons unable to find purpose.  

Answer 10

By "work through" he means he thinks he can convert you.  Just say the magic words and be done with it.  Good men are so hard to come by.

Answer 11

I'm in the same boat you are.  I'm atheist and hubby's a christian.  He will probably try to convert you at some time, especially since he's so into his religion to be a preacher.  We have been able to put those differences aside and we get along great.  Been together for 8 years and counting!  Good luck!

Answer 12

I can't believe a pastor would marry an atheist...I mean, I would assume he would try to convert you before the marriage. Actually, I would think he would be attracted to someone of his faith. Maybe he wants a conversion story for his congregation & he sees you as a challenge. I'm sure he really loves you, but sorry, I think religion (or lack of) is so important. It provides a foundation and guideline for all aspects of life, especially family.

I think you should cut it off. Eventually, the difference will ruin everything. Unless you're thinking of converting or getting him to not believe in God, which probably won't happen.

I know as a Christian who has married someone who was ambivalent about their religious faith and never went to church, I too thought things would change after marriage, but they don't. And it hurts worse. But at least I had my faith to turn to.

Answer 13

The same thing happened with me and my fiance'.  I'm an atheist and she was a very zealous Christian.  After lots of discussion, I helped her realize that her belief was a superstitious effort to improve her self-esteem.  To her credit she grew to realize that and is an atheist now as well.

Answer 14

He is hoping you will convert.  Being married to a preacher means that you will be raising your kids to believe that.  Religion is something that should be worked out and understood before even getting engaged.  If he becomes a preacher and his wife is atheist that doesn't tell the rest of the church that he is all that great of a leader.  How are you going to get more followers of Christ if you can't even explain things to your wife enough so she'll believe.  You will feel a lot of pressure of change.  If you don't believe and never will then you need to tell him.  And that may mean you guys won't get married.

Answer 15

I think you two should have figured this out before you became serious. I don't see where he would become a atheist being that he is a Christian. That can definitely can cause problems in the future. Prayer works and if he believes and have faith don't be surprise when you become a Christian like your fiance.

Answer 16

You better start working on it now. Since he wants to be a preacher, he is in it hard core and since you are an atheist, that's hard core too.

Neither of you will change your beliefs and having an atheist for a wife would never work for a preacher. You could never be happy living a life of charades.

The only hope for you as a couple is for him to abandon pursuit of a preaching career.

Answer 17

It sounds like he believes he can change you. You two need to be very clear on each others expectations about this.

I too am an atheist and will be marrying an former Catholic that still believes in god and it has come up a few times. I was sure at the beginning of our dating to explain that this was who I am and I wasn't likely to change. We agree to disagree and to try not discussing it. We love each other intensely and we think we will be fine. Religion can  break a marriage if there are expectations that aren't being met. I suggest setting up some ground rules about religion before you get married.