Differing parenting styles question for Military wives, or well anyone for that matter?

Question

Myn hubby came home on R&R recently and though he's only here for 2 weeks I have noticed how different our parenting styles are. My son is 14 months old and my hubby left when he was 8 months so theres a big difference between now and then. I'm more laid back and my husband is more into discipline (as much as you can be with a 14 month old) well the husband is leaving again soon and wont be back for another 6 months. Since I know my son will change alot more when he's 20 months and our styles are so different my question is how do you deal with being totally opposite, especially when the other half is gone so much, doesnt that confuse the child?

Thanks

Answer 1

I personally don't think it would confuse him.

Most parents have a goodie and a badie. My mum was into discipline and my dad wasn't. It's just how most parents are.

I think it will be fine! It must kill him being away from his son for so long! You're a tough mummy as well. I couldn't be a military wife.

Answer 2

my husband left when our son was three weeks old and was very colic so yeah not fun to get around when he came home on r and r baby was six months and dad didnt know what to do with him. didnt want to change diaper or help me out. at times he would be at ends with him. for the kid i would talk to your husband and tell him as much of what the baby does good and bad and tell him how u deal with it and ask him how he would. i do that when my husband but we are mostly on the same page we have two dogs so we have a head start. but still had times were we were oh different pages. i think the best thing would be to talk to dad about it but becareful when u pick too not when he is stress i know that can be hard. i do little bits here and there with my husband. well good luck i am sure your frg might have classes that would help or talk to your chaplin he might help out. well good luck.

Answer 3

Well my husband is not gone like that but he does work minimum of 12 hour days and every 3rd Saturday. Our styles vary and he is stricter as well. I am the one who is there 90% of the time and feel it is more my place to say, of course I do not say it to him like that. He comes home and always wants to play and then all of a sudden he wants them to listen when he all he normally does is play. A child has to learn a dad is the boss as well regardless if they are around a lot or not. But I have no quams in speaking my mind if I think it is too much. Sometimes they bear the brunt of a bad day and that is not fair.

You need to communicate with your husband about this, I have tried and tried but my husband is terrible in communication and always has been. If he gets mad so be it when he wants to start working together I am here, I have asked and asked but he the kind that would rather not deal with a problem head on if it requires talking about it LOL So I do what I need to to take care of my kids even if it ruffles some feathers. But my kids are NOT allowed to disrespect their dad, kids can learn each parent has different rules though that is not ideal.

Answer 4

You compromise and combine your parenting styles. I've gotten a bit more firm and he's loosened up a bit. There are a few things we want done differently, so the kids have learned how to do it for each parent. It might sound confusing, but its not killing anyone. My kids are now 10, 8, 6, and due soon. I stay at home, so my parenting style tends to be the dominate one. I'm honestly open to his ideas and do often mesh our views. We agree that the kids need structure, rules, consistant discipline, chores, to be responsible for their things, and to basically not act like brats to each other. I'd suggest being open to his ideas and seeing how they work. You might be pleasantly surprised.

Answer 5

My husband is in the military and he is definiteley more strict than I am. I think kids catch on, and that this is normal. He is the disciplinarian in the house. My husband is the one who gives out most of the punishment in our house. I am sort of softie, but we try to stick together on our parenting style

Answer 6

I haven't encountered this as of yet.  My husband will be home for R&R in December.  Our son will be 15 months then.  My husband has been gone since he was 10 weeks old, with the exception of 2 visits while he was training before leaving for Iraq.  

I know that my son will be confused, but I've already been telling my husband that he is going to have to understand that we have to be on the same page when it comes to discipline.  If there is something that one of us disagrees with, then we need to work it out and compromise.  If there are 2 totally different types of discipline going on, the child isn't going to know what to do.  Talk to your husband and try to explain to him that you are the one who is there a majority of the time, and that your way works.  For the time that he is home, he should just be reconnecting with you and your son.  

I know that I didn't really help much, but I just wanted to let you know how my husband and I had decided to approach the discipline topic, seeing as how we are in similar situations.  Good luck!

Answer 7

It is completely not unusual for a father to parent differently from a mother. Kids are sharp. They catch on.