Difficult question: As someone who is no spring chicken and ought to know better?

Question

what would you do if you constantly argued with your partner who is volatile by nature and who cannot listen to anything I have to say with out getting angry. I must infuriate him something rotten but I cannot handle it anymore. What do I do. Do I leave our marital home at the age of 68 nothing seems to make any sense anymore to me. I'm not of independence means.

I would welcome your unbiased opinion and comments please welcomed. Thank you so much.

PS I have sought professional advice and counselling but nothing has changed as we have both gotten into a negative stance over our problem.

Answer 1

doesn't sound like its going to work-you still have alot of life left-enjoy it!!!

Answer 2

My unbiased opinion is that you should not let your age be a reason to stay with someone who makes you unhappy. Be very realistic about the logistics and seek professional advice on your rights and leave and have a ball!

Answer 3

I wouldn't waste time talking to him. I'd leave his ***.  

Answer 4

I'd leave him for here to eternity.

Answer 5

FIRST i would never be with a guy like him but any way if i was then FOR sure i would tell him that if he cant change how he is then is better we move on with our lifes!

thats the best..........

Answer 6

OK so everyone is telling you to leave him, which is the best option but there is several things you need to decide before you make this choice. 1. where will you go. 2. how will you support yourself. 3 are you both healthy enough to handle this. I have been in your situation although I was a lot younger, 20 years married and we separated and divorced but I was left in a financial mess and homeless with a teenage daughter and her baby, things are better now and I have met someone else but I could not cope for a long time, are you both in a good financial state to start this process. If you cannot sort it out can you not live in separate parts of the house and lead separate lives, my divorce cost £35,000, thank goodness for legal aid.

Answer 7

Do what you want to do , no amount of advice on here will change that ,,,, (we are as happy as we want to be)

Answer 8

I would leave the sitation, find a roomate if you can't live completely independently. I would not live in a volatile enviornment especially during my "golden" years.  

Answer 9

You cannot live like that, no matter how many years you have.  You cannot let anyone on this planet, especially your husband disrespect you!

If I were you, I would teach him a lesson he'll never forget.  Now you have to confront him whether he likes it or not and let him know that it's your turn now.  

Get your pride and dignity!  With complete power, control and confidence with your chin up and your arms folded say that you made a decision.  Whether he want's to hear it or not, you have taken the reigns and you are no longer going to live like this..  Say you never want to hear it, so now you will have to SEE IT, because I am getting the h**l out of your life!  You have caused me to fall out of love with you.  You don't deserve me and if you're not going to love, respect, communicate and never make me happy, what the h**l I am doing with you?  I took such good care of you, but you never took care of me, well now I'm going to take care of myself!   I will file for divorce asap.   SEE YA a***e!

His reaction is so important and you need to know how he will react.  Now if he loves you and he realizes that you mean business, he will stop you.  Maybe not at first, but you have to let him see what it's like to live without you.  He will change immediately, but you cannot change.  You will have total control and you have to be selfish now.  

If he doesn't love you and he doesn't care what you do then you should know that!   It's your life.  You have to accept it and in my opinion, you might love it.  You might realize yourself that you have been making a big mistake living with him all those years.  

No matter which way it goes, you have to put that man in his place, because he obviously doesn't know where it is.  He's gotten away with it all those years.  Well let him know the saying  "You get out of this world what you put into it" and payback for you is gonna be a btch!

I wish you all the luck.  God Bless    

Answer 10

Ask yourself this.  If we live for another 20 years, can I handle this?  If the answer is know, tell him you want to go, pack you and a couple of your girlfriends a bag or two and go to atlantic city...I know its been a long time and I know you are mature, however, unhappiness should not be a punishment for being older and use to a relationship.  You still have some years in ya momma!  Go out and have fun.  If you don't want to divorce, maybe you should just separate.  Maybe you two are just tired of each other.

Answer 11

I would leave without hesitation.

Answer 12

The answer is simple.  Just ask yourself if you want to spend your remaining years in peace or in misery.  If the answer is "in peace" then you know you need to leave.

And if you have been married for a considerable part of your 68 years, you'll be of independent means after the divorce alright.

Answer 13

At 68, if this is a new issue there is a medical reason.

More likely is that this is a result of years of complaint.

You both have significant defensive behaviors built up.

One of you needs to make the first step to allow some real communication to occur.

It is highly possible that he is is using this "volatile nature" as his defense for your arguing. Most men wish to avoid conflict.

A sharp response to your complaint often avoids the conflict for dealing with real issues.

In men, there is a very close correlation between anger and hurt.

It sounds as if you have given him feelings of inadequacy being insufficient. That puts his manhood into question which is hurtful. Anger masks that hurt very well.

Figure out what role you have played in that hurt and fix it.

You may find that this problem subsides. It won't be easy.

The alternative is alone and poor.

Answer 14

if you aren't capable of having a civil conversation, then time to call an end to it all.. :D

Answer 15

Life is too short to stay in an unhappy situation.  My husband and I have issues, but we are both in our 40s with children still at home.   I often tell myself that I will not stay in this situation forever.  For the kids, I will suck it up and make things happy for the.  My husband is a good father, good provider, BUT very disrespectful to me.  He calls me names which, alone  is very, very upsetting to me.  

I have gotten to a point where I don't talk to my husband because he doesn't like anything I say.  HIs issue is a family trait, as his father and brother behave the same way with their spouses.  In my case, I think there is a mental health issue.  

Your age is not a factor, but the inability to be independent (financially, I assume) is your issue when it comes to leaving.  Have you sought public assistance.  Maybe speak with a social worker to become educated about what is out there to help you become independent.

Set things up and be happy.

Good luck to you.  

Answer 16

You only get one shot at life and you need to ask yourself, if you knew you only had a year left would you want to spend it with him?  

Answer 17

you realize you have 20+ years to live yet, right?  with that said, you have two choices, leave the marriage or change how you are married, go find friends that will listen to you, don't argue with your partner...when we get to the stage in our lives when we know there is a finite amount of time left, we need to spend every day making the world a better place and being happy and thankful to wake up each morning.  Best to you....