Difficult situation, please give me some honest answers...

Question

So I've been with this guy for 2 years and turns out he's married. Once I found out I broke up with him. Prior to this we had planned a baby, one month later I'm pregnant. This was 2 months before finding out he's married. Well someone approached me and told me he was married so I did a little digging and purchased a intellus membership and found out that he was married for sure. So he sends an email out and hit the send to all button and me and his wife are in his address book. I guess she was digging too cause she contacted me by email and we spoke. She said that he has been doing this ever since they got married back in 2003. She said that in 2004 he started seeing this other lady and took care of her child as if it was his own and so wife left him and went back to her own country. She was gone 8 months and he begged and pleaded for her to come back, so she did. First words were "I'm going to keep seeing "jdjdjdj" and I'm going to keep caring for her child." Anyway she said 3 years ago they decide to work on the marriage and she thought that's what they were doing, come to find out he's with me. I believe her and I'm not one to break a family apart but I honestly didn't know he was married. He continued to deny her to me and vise versa. He calls me about the baby and asks if I need anything and buys the big items I need to prepare for the baby. Is it wrong for me to have her leave me alone? She contacts me by instant messenger, myspace, yahoo email always questioning me about my pregnancy. I got fed up and told her if she has any questions to ask him. I tried to be the bigger person and leave him alone and do this on my own but she keeps bugging me. She said she's not going to leave him because she invested so much into the marriage and by that she means 5 years and her words "he takes care of me, I'm not leaving him." I didn't ask her to leave him, nor did I have him choose...I just left. Any advise?

Answer 1

The solution to your problem is simple: Tell her is she doesnt stop harassing you, you will press charges and get a restraining order. No matter how you look at it, she is harassing you. You are pregnant and dont need the added stress. Although this situation isnt ideal, allow him to be a part of this childs life. Good luck!!!  

Answer 2

Well first hun I am sorry he was an idiot but you need to tell him you don't want any thing to deal with him mainly because he lied to you for over 2 years. I don't think you would want some one like that in your life. I understand he is buying all the items you need and that's good you need to first take him to court and get child support and supply the court with the information that he was cheating on his wife with you and when you found out you left him and that you are asking for child support and full custody of the child. I know its going to be hard very hard in fact to work and keep the child to where it doesn't need things you can't buy. Also sounds like she is just using him as her sugar daddy if she is that ignorant enough to keep with a cheater like that. Get all the items you need from him right now and make sure you have money to keep your self and the child livening. If his wife keeps asking you items it mainly to make sure you aren’t planning on making him leave her then her money will be gone. You need to tell him to only get the things you need for the child and nothing more then that you will handle it on your own and he will have limited rights to see your child because of his actions. No its not wrong at all for you to want her to leave you alone darlin but I can't see how he could of kept his wife a secret for 2 years just because I know how nosey my wife is. If I have a phone number she asks me what it’s about. You can block her on all those areas as well and just cut off all communication with her and limit your communication with him as well. You can no longer think about your self at this point you need to think about your child do you want your child to know this man cheated on his wife with you and the result of that is the child? Do you want to be so trusting with him to where he can turn around and stop helping and you be lost in the drift? How would you make it to where he could just see the child and his wife not? Would his wife potentially harm the child out of jealousy? You asked for an honest answer and I gave you it, it may seem a little blunt but it’s the truth.

Answer 3

I would not speak to her.  This is between you and the baby's father.  She is walking a very tight rope getting involved with your pregnancy.  Her only issue should be her husband's cheating.  Right now, your main concern should be yourself and the baby.  HE sounds like a very irresponsible man to put it lightly and I would not particularly count on him for much emotional support.   Trying to have a future with him will complicate your life even more because of the wife.   Let the wife know that you cannot communicate with her at this time because you need to take care of yourself and the baby.    

Answer 4

I would NOT talk to her for any reason.  Accept what he gives you for the baby and once the baby is born have him sign the birth certificate and file for child support. Hopefully he will be in the childs life and that is all you can or should expect from him.

Answer 5

this wife of his is playing a dangerous game with her own husband. what he is doing is immoral and also unhealthy. this man needs help and if anyone gets caught up with him they are in for a hot mess. from the lifestyle this man has he cld have some kinda viral infection and u women not know. this is not good. he slept with you knowing he was married and you didnt know. i'd say he raped u of your morality cuz you comitted adultery. i wld want nothing to do with him or her if i were you. the wife will learn eventually after she gets sick. wonder how well he will take care of her then.

Answer 6

If you're not too far along, consider giving this 1/2 wanted child up for adoption or have an abortion.  Bringing another fatherless child up in yet another dysfunctional, choatic life is just too sad to bear.  We all think it'll work, somehow, but it rarely does.  If you keep the child, I hope you can support it without my tax dollars or anybody elses.  

That poor wife is an idiot in too many ways to count.  Run fast in the other direction.  The man is scum, and the women he draws into his looney life are being played as the world's biggest suckers.  

I'm not blaming you that it all happened, but it's YOUR responsibility to get out of this mess and stay out - for good.  

You raised an excellent point about checking people out.  In the future, for myself, I believe I will do my own research before I get my heart (or lower nature) involved with the next man.  It's worth the time and money on the front end for the 411, don't ya think?

Answer 7

If her contacting you bothers you, if she won't respect your request for her to "cease and desist", then change your phone number, email address (or block her emails, or simply delete without opening), and if she starts contacting you in person, have a restraining order issued by the police.  She has no right to harass you.  

It is proper that he supports his child, and if he wants to be in the child's life, you will always have to have some kind of relationship with him because you share a child together.  However, you definitely need to keep it solely on that level.  You did the right thing by leaving him....don't weaken....keep up the good work.

Answer 8

Your question is long and confusing. I'm not sure what's so difficult about this. The man is married, and you cannot "have her leave you alone" without hiring a lawyer. Did he say he wanted to leave her to be with you? You know, these men seldom leave their wives. I wonder what he says to the wife about you? You can bet it's nothing good! Get child support, leave him alone, and move on with your life. You made a big mistake, but it's not the end of the world.