Difficult situation.. What would you do if you were me?

Question

I'm almost nineteen years old. My boyfriend and I have spent the last year together and have been close for many years more. I really feel like he is my soul mate. I just found out this week I may be infertile now, and if I'm not now I most likely will be within the next few years to come. Basically my chances of having a baby get lower every year. Having a baby has been something I've looked forward to experiencing my whole life. It's something that's very special and important to me. When I told my boyfriend about this problem, it seemed to upset him and make him sad, although he tried not to act like it did.

I would like some advice.. should I suggest that if we stay together we have a baby as soon as we finish our next two years in college?

I want to give my future child as much of a perfect life as I can. I want to have a good job, a good marriage and a safe and sound home of my own with a backyard and a supportive family. I won't miraculously get all this in two years. However if I wait I may have no baby at all. Should I just deal with it? I don't know what to do. Adoption is just not the same to him. I feel the same.

I know it's early in my life but with the problem I have I need to think of this now. Helppp.

Answer 1

this is difficult because its really personal to yourself.

but i've been in this before with me and my girlfriend and the whole pregnancy thing led to alot of difficulties.

first off i think you should finish collage before you consider having a child.

and maybe wait until your married.

that'd be the safe thing to do

hope this helps

Answer 2

u need to talk to him and it sounds like its ok with u and u need to get preg :)

Answer 3

well, if both of you are ready, then you should keep your baby. how do you expect your boyfriend to give your child a good life if he's not ready?

Answer 4

If you only have a few years left, i say go for it(not saying go get knocked up today lol).  College is not going anywhere and there are many ways to take care of a child and still finish your education.  If you both have supporting families, that should make it even easier.  I think you should make sure you can handle it now though if thats what you really want and he is your soul mate.  If it does come to adoption i applaud you though because i know that could be a hard thing, just pray on it, God wont steer you the wrong way.  Good Luck in whatever you decide to go.

Answer 5

I guess it depends on what your infertility problem actually is?  Is it something where you could freeze your eggs and use them down the road to have a baby of your own?

Answer 6

What your asking of him is selfish in a way. Your basically asking him to give up his youth sooner than expected and burden him with the responsibility of worrying and taking care of a child.

I'll tell you right now 90% of guys do not want kids until they are in their mid to late 20s or even 30s for that matter.

Although it's understandable because of your condition it is still selfish. Put yourself in his shoes. You are in a way trapping him / pushing him against a wall and a man wont like that for

any reason.

Another thing to think about, are you ready to have a child? Are you financially stable or ready to take on the responsibilities of one?

Unless your boyfriend agrees than it will be hard to get a man to get

you pregnant. You might want to think of artificial insemination if

you really want a kid. That way you arent putting the burden of

your situation on another man,.

Answer 7

You sound very mature and it's good that you examine your futures together.

I would talk to your doctor to get specific information.  Then find others who are in your same situation (online groups are great) and talk to them.

Having a baby is a big deal.  I understand it's sort of now or never ... you will probably struggle doing so many things at once (baby, house, college, job etc).  If you're willing to make sacrifices (tight finances, no vacations for just the two of you!) ... and focus on all of the love and joy a baby brings, then you can do it!  A baby means a huge commitment of time (24/7 and years!) and money.

I've always wanted babies too.  I'm a lot older than you and still find some aspects tough (lack of sleep!  heehee).  But many women of all ages have babies and do a great job.  Again, you sound intelligent and mature for your age, so discuss this with your boyfriend, parents, doctor, and take your time (months if need be) to plan your future.  Good luck!

Answer 8

I understand what you're saying. I think that once you two have a stable point in the near future, go for having a child. Even though that adoption if always something to consider it won't feel the same.

Maybe you should speak to him and your family to see what can be helped.

Answer 9

Adopt. You're too young,a nd we have too many people on this planet. please just adopt later.

Answer 10

I think it is a little young to have a child right out of college; children are expensive. I know you said adoption is not the same, but I think maybe you should consider it more. I have six adopted cousins, some of which are russian, african american, or are disabled. they fit in perfectly with my family.  

Answer 11

This is very hard for you and him i bet. i am very sorry. This is all your choice. i would say adopt but yeah it is not the same. If u feel that you guys can manage a kid now try. If that is what you all want go ahead in try. If you want to you could wait until u have 9 months left of college and then try and have a baby. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 12

Wow this is a tough situation.  I understand your dilemma but I wouldn't rush to have children unless you're ready (stability/financially/ect.). Alot of people feel that adoption isn't the same, but just think about it .... you could give a wonderful child a chance at a life. You sound like you would be a great parent either way, I'm sorry you're in this situation. Good luck.

Answer 13

honestly. you guys are 19 years old. you barely lived. you do not even know what a soul mate is let alone know when you found one. do not ruin your life by having a baby that he is not going to stick around for. for your child's sake do not do it. if your together after college then i say go for it. until then do not do it.

Answer 14

If you don't mind me asking, why does every year get harder for you to get pregnant?  If I were you I would sit down with my boyfriend and just really talk it out. you both may have to comprise some things. Adoption is a great thing and if you absolutely can not have kids then  he will just have to suck it up. Adoption in my eyes is the most wonderful gift anyone can give someone.  I ask about your condition because I was diagnosed with PCOS 2 years ago. I've had it since the 9th grade and am just now getting it taken care of. they told me it gets worse with age, it's very very hard to get pregnant (took us 2 1/2 years) but I am telling you this because, I did it, and I got pregnant. you may be able to get pregnant just don't give up hon. I do think however that you should wait. finish College all the way through and wait till you're a little older.

good luck hon.

Answer 15

You should definitely try to talk about it and try to figure out a solution. But adopting would be just as, if not even more wonderful. You'd be helping out a child in need of a good family, someone couldn't care for them and they didn't have a chance, and by adopting.. you'd be giving them a chance.

Good luck, hun. I hope you two agree on the best decision and have a happy life together. Make sure you ask exactly how he feels about the situation, sit down and don't stop talking about it until you decide.

<3

Answer 16

You need to talk to him and tell him. if he truely loves you he may be a little upset but will still be with and love you