Dilema - arguing with boyf about where to spend xmas?!!?

Question

This Christmas, my boyfriend and I will have been together for a year. We started talking about our plans for Christmas the other day and it all ended in a bit of a falling out! He says he is going to spend the whole week with his family and he won't compromise when I say can't he spend a couple of days - say xmas day and boxing day with his family and then drive down to see me (about 1 hour drive) and spend the next few days with me and my family. He won't budge and says he's spending a whole week with his parents as xmas is about family. Am I being unreasonable wanting him to compromise? It seems a bit silly to be arguing about this!! We're so close and have been talking about living together/ marriage etc!!

Answer 1

Why not spend Christmas w/ his family & New Years w/ your family. If you get married you guys will have to learn to juggle holidays, not always easy! Good luck!

Answer 2

Present him with reasons as to why he has to stay with his family & you.

Discuss the positives & negatives of staying with his family & you.

Something like this shouldn't come between you, if you're that close of a couple.

Answer 3

afraid i am with your boyfriend on this one

if you are not close enough that you are spending christmas together or with each others family, then family comes first

most families christmas is the one time they get together and reunite again, he doesnt want to miss out on this, kudos to him, it IS a time for family, you have to ride this one out and perhaps next year you will spend it together

good luck

Answer 4

I think you have been together long enough for you to expect him to be able to compromise. You aren't asking a lot, and I think it is perfectly reasonable for him and you to spend the festive season together, and with your respective families.

I would suggest that you spend a couple of days with him and his family, and he spend a couple of days with you and your family. That is usually how couples compromise, even if they rather spend it somewhere else.

It makes me wonder if there is another issue here that he isn't voicing. He seems to be digging in his heels over something that really isn't such a big issue.

I'd wait till the heat has died down and speak to him when he is back to his old self, and try and get to what is really bugging him.

Good luck.

xx  

Answer 5

whats the big deal about not seeing him for a week?! I spent Xmas away from my boyfriend! he spent it with his family and i spent it with my family! there is no way i would not be with my family on Xmas! he is right, that is what Xmas is all about!  

Answer 6

No its not silly as if you are seriously thinking about living together (never mind getting married) then these problems will only worsen.

He needs to be able to compromise long term otherwise you could end in a stale mate situation with both of you spending Christmas apart (has he thought about that?).

Maybe even suggest either you spend a couple of days with his family and vice versa or you do this year at his, next year at yours???

Another option is to of course combine families which is something my new wife and I have started to do the last couple of years?

Answer 7

Be glad you found out now before you got married. If you don't matter enough for him to come see on Christmas why do you want him?

Answer 8

if you can't compromise about this I say stop thinking about living together and marriage. You can't force him to come see you even though you want to be with him. Christmas is about family but he should at least consider being with you, especially if you're only an hour away from him.

Answer 9

I wouldn't start thinking about marriage if you fall out over this!  

This is actually a good test of your relationship if anything.  

It's always a tough one with relationships. You will both have to compromise.  Yet what your asking does seem pretty selfish, as you are asking him to have two days with his family, and then several days with yours, and it doesn't sound like you are willing to spend any of that time with HIS family.  Compromise has to work both ways.

Also keep in mind that everyone has their Christmas traditions, and it can seem sacriligious and unnatural to be asked to change them... it takes time to become comfortable with that.  Since this is your first Christmas together, maybe have seperate Christmases this time, but agree to spend New Year together.  

Then sit down and work out a compromise for the next Christmas, so you can both be prepared for any change in tradition.  Certainly in future both he and you should learn ways to change what you are used to in order to accommodate each other.  By that stage you should count each other as family surely!  

Since it is the first year it is not worth arguing over. Traditions are hard to break, and it will take time and some further time and growth in your relationship for new traditions to develop.  Agree to celebrate seperately this year, or otherwise offer to drive up to see HIM, if next year he can return the favour.

Answer 10

Definitely you should compromise. It's not all about ONE person in a relationship; it's about both of you.

Talk to him again and try to compromise. Good luck x*x

Answer 11

well hun at the end of the day Xmas is about families for a lot of people!! And its a really good thing that hes close enough to his to want to be with them!

As for you spending Xmas day with his family, Im not sure that will work - from personal experience, to me Xmas day is about having the dinner with the family and then lounging around for the rest of it watching crappy telly - and I know I wouldnt want my partner there as you have to entertain them etc!

however I DO think hes being unreasonable not to budge on the seeing you AFTER Xmas day - that is being a bit mean - as Xmas is also about spending time with your loved ones! I think you need to tell him that if he refuses to see you over Xmas he'd better cop himself on for New Years or you'll find someone else to snog at 12am!!!

xx

Answer 12

If he will not give you one day out of 7, kick him into touch.