Dilemma! why are people so mean?

Question

I split with a mean and spiteful man who was in and out of my life for 11 years! he was a cheater, liar and made me think that we had a future! he even raped me once and beat me so hard I flew accross the room! eventually I got the guts to walk away. I am 30 in a week! In the time he was manipulative, violent and abusive but now I have had enough!

Recently (against my better judgement) I asked him to do me a favour, however he was his usual self....did the favour or took the business cards I gave him, and then turned nasty because I wouldnt jump when he said jump! ! he then decided to tell me Im nothing and I am no one!. So I told him if it makes him feel better to disrespect me and put me down go ahead! but it says more about you than it does me!! I then decided to blank him, I get home today and the business cards of mine I gave him to give to friends have been posted back through my door in the same envelope I gave him. Is he being decent or trying to get attention? he has done something similar about 3-4 yrs ago with a b.day present I got him....help! 10 points best answer! thanks

Answer 1

I find that people will be as mean as you let them. I don't know why you are even allowing yourself to stay in this situation.

Obviously, its one of our human traits... to be abused by another in hopes that the other will change into the character we envision that person to be.

You're 30... you should be tired of this **** by now.

Take a stand, for yourself, and kiss all the drama goodbye!

Answer 2

Hurting people hurt people.

Answer 3

Oh I think theres 2 sides to every story, and you love it really don’t you? I mean the drama in your life, not so much the beating & abuse.. but the drama. Woman like yourself always seem to ignore the decent guys and go back for more n’ more with guys who treat you like dirt. You can’t resist it, that’s why you asked this question – so you can gain the control, plan your next move.. it’s all a bit childish and silly really, isn’t it ?

Answer 4

Get as far away from that guy as possible.  Don't talk with him any more.  Get him out of your life.  He is dangerous to your health.  Don't ask him to pass out business cards for you.  Don't ask him to do anything.  Don't allow him into your house and your life any more.

In fact, you could go down to the police station and swear out a personal protection order against him.  Make it illegal for him to come anywhere near you.

Answer 5

hes either doing it for attention or he wants to get back together

i think you should ignore this nasty spiteful guy.

you should move on and find someone else.

good luck hun

Answer 6

For 11 years you let him rape you, cheat, lie, and beat you.  You say you FINALLY had enough of this.  And yet...you still thought wonder what he is up to.  I miss being abused so I'm going to see if I can get him back in my life.  You call him?!?  

I realize you have impossibly low self esteem and for some reason you feel you need to be abused and tormented to feel loved in a relationship--but there are tons of those type of fish in the sea.  He is easily replaced.

Please seek therapy.  Your desire to stay with a man for 11 years when he is that abusive says something about you.  You'll need help in order to start to look for completely new traits in men you date.  You'll have to figure out why you deserve that scum of the earth in order to move past that and ever have a successful, non-abusive relationship.

Answer 7

be careful think about it before accusation!! if you think this stay the f**k away, and leave him be sucker.. if thats the way he treats you he won"t treat anyone any different. if you can prove it then get the bast**d by the town halls and sue him for what you deserve...good luck!!!

Answer 8

WTF ARE YOU KIDDING ME

UM GET A LAWYER SUE

tell someone get help

you got raped ? omfg

Answer 9

If you really want help you wouldnt offer 10 points for best answer. We already know that when we participate in YA.

Why dont you just walk away from this guy. It has me beat why women put up with c**p like this from men who are obviously suffering from low self esteem.  

Answer 10

You are the only one who can answer the question relating to this person.  You are also the only one who can walk away from the situation. You know all this person has done and you still asked him to do you a favour. Why? You are the one who is saying you have had enough so it is absolutely simple........you have nothing more to do with him.  Okay we've got that sorted out........haven't we?  If only it was so easy.  In you heart you probably still THINK you are in love with him but won' admit it., You really just cannot break the final tie.......but you can and if you want a  happy life you must do this. Posting the cards back through your door he thinks will draw your attention back to him. If you really want rid of him absolutely ignore the fact or don't try to work out why he posted these cards back through your door. He should be history. By acknowledging the cards you are doing exactly as he would expect. If you ignore he may in turn contact you, this is where you must be strong and take NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with him. Something I must warn you about if you manage to rid yourself of him is to absolutely  ensure if you go in to another relationship it is not with the same type of person.  You may be thinking what a stupid person I am for even imagining you would ever contemplate this.  Alas it is a fact that many women throughout their live continually go for control freaks just like this.  Wake up, take tomorrow as the first day of your new life, stick to it don't ever let any man take you for a sucker again. Only you can do this.

Answer 11

He sounds like a control freak and he is sapping every self-worth you have. Do not ask him to do any more favours for you, do not rely on him for ANYTHING. Rely on yourself, you deserve better

Answer 12

Wow.  This guy sounds like nothing but a drama queen.  You need to take every step necessary to cut him out of your life.

Answer 13

run - do not walk - away from this situation.  do you have a child with him?  Is he your employer?  If not - do not spend anymore time trying to figure him out.  Here is what you have figured out "he hurts me and I do not want to be hurt anymore.  Therefore - I will not see him again."  If you like being hurt, I can't help you.

Answer 14

I wouldn't have anything else to do with him ever again if I were you.  Is there some reason why you can not give those business cards to your friends on your own?  He's shown that he is incapable of treating you with the respect and kindness you deserve.  He's probably trying to get your attention, but do not fall for it.  Stay away from him, and quit being his victim.