Discipline not working with 5 yo since starting school. Any suggestions/strategies?

Question

My normally placid 5 yo son has done a Jekyll/Hyde thing since starting school 6 months ago. He screams at me, kicks and hits walls, throws things and has huge tantrums about the smallest thing. None of the strategies i have used in the past work at all. ie time out (he either refuses to stay or screams and kicks and damages things while he is there) removing privelages (he screams and breaks things), ignoring him (he screams and throws things - have ignored him for 2 HOURS and he was still going!! Ended up putting him in a cold shower to make him stop.), reward chart (he doesn't care).

This behaviour only started a few weeks after he started school. I have spoken to his teacher and she said he is an angel at school, has lots of friends and is doing really well. I just don't get it!!

I have older children no longer at home, and have never seen anything like it. I have exhausted all tried and true strategies and am at my wits end!

PLEASE HELP!!!

Answer 1

since he doesnt do these things at school then it shows that he is choosing to behave this way only with you.

he should be punished for doing any little thing that you dont approve of and he is going to need stricter boundries.

pick a spot for time out that is isolated from any distractions such as windows, the clocks, pictures and things like that.

get rid of the sound while he is in time out and he may sit there quietly for one minute (use a kitchen timer) before he may leave.

he may while he is there throw his tantrums and such but he may not leave until he is quiet for one  minute.

make him take himself to time out and if he doesnt then he cannot do anything else until he has sat in time out .

we deal with severe behaviors in our classroom and this works

Answer 2

Did your other kids used to be there when he was there too, because he might want them. or maybe he is really stressed about school. I suggest spend some time talking to him. Just sit down with him and ask him how his day was and how school went. Ask him if there is anything wrong or if he needs help with anything. You need to fix this problem fast because the older they get the worse it's gonna get. My 8 yo cousin is in 2nd grade just started getting homework everyday and when you try to help him he lets you but if he gets it wrong and you correct him he throws a huge fit every single time. Hope i helped and didn't scare you. Lol

Answer 3

Something is definetly wrong here. Children just don't start acting a certain way, something must have happend. Have you asked your son what is going on at school ? Have you talked to some of the other mothers and see if they are experiencing anything like this with their children? Starting school is a big thing for young children,  it is often very stressful for them and their behavior seems to be effected by that. Perhaps he is learning this behavior from a classmate or friend? I really think there is more to this story, I suggest talking to your son, talking to some parents and figuring out what is really going on.

Answer 4

Something must have happened, at school, talk to him and try to get it from him when you guys aren't in a fight. Talk to the teacher, principal etc

Answer 5

There are hundreds of articles...just google 5 year old tantrums. You will find them. This is not so far outside the norm. He is either stressed, overstimulated, tired, or crashing from too much sugar or junk food in his diet.

My son was having some behavior problems in kindergarten at first as well. After some trial and error, I found out the days he just had cereal for breakfast, were the days there were behaviorial problems. Once I replace cereal with protein based meals (peanut butter toast, lean pockets, eggs, french toast) he did a 180. To this day, cereal is not allowed in my house (well, except my husband's lucky charms!! :)

Answer 6

wheres his father this sounds like u need to give him to his dad and let him try this with him i promise you if u step back and let dad break out the muscle he will straighten up really quick  my son knows daddy dont play and let him hear my voice raise he looks around and questions what he is doing

its not fear its respect he may hate u later but it is worth it and if u havent yet thanked your parents for doing well by you i feel sorry for u and ya son

Answer 7

I dont know why buy I feel like there is more to this story. Have there been any changes at home or in your life? Have you observed him in class w/o him knowing you are there? Maybe she runs a tight ship and will not tolerate bad behavior. She also might make the kids stick to the schedule and stay on task. No matter what is going on........

Dont ignore him, believe it or not that still condones the behavior. You gotta get tough, really tough and get some earplugs. Clear out his room. Only leave a mattress, bedding and clothes. Unless its really expensive, donate his toys. No, Im not kidding. He will get majorly ticked off and in a strange way thats good. He will know you mean business. Next clean up his diet. No sugar or junk food just lots of fresh fruit, veggies, lean protein and whole grains.  For a good week it will a living h**l. Tough it out. As soon as you see good behavior make sure he knows you noticed. Gradually he can start to earn his things back. I will keep you in my thoughts. From one mom to another who has been there done that.

Lil C-Doesnt matter if dad is there or not. She can discipline her child and gain his respect. Men arent the only ones who can make their children listen b/c the child knows daddy means business. Momma means business too.

Answer 8

Think about anything else in his life that has changed. Anything at all could trigger outbursts.  Start a log of out bursts in a journal. Note what he did, time of day, how long it lasted, what he was doing just before, etc. After 2 weeks you should see a pattern. Then you can brainstorm what could be the cause. If you can not think of what it could be, see his pediatrician with your journal.

Answer 9

Have you talked to him about all of this?  How does he feel about it?  Why does he think it's happening?  What is he feeling while it's going on?  If he is a normal kid, he doesn't *like* behaving like this, he truly wants to be good & have a nice smooth, happy relationship with all of the people around him.  He probably wants to figure this out as much as you do, if not more.  I'm sure he feels awful inside when he's doing all of these things that he knows are wrong, disrespectful, distancing & not loving & kind.  

Talk to him.  Involve him in figuring out what the problem is.  Involve him in finding a solution.  

He's clearly trying to work out some big emotions with those tantrums, trying to communicate some feelings that he just can't name or say.  Help him give them a name & express them politely & effectively.