Discussing adoption?

Question

There was another post about talking about adoption posted earlier. I gathered from reading the posts that it is something that needs talking about, but you don't want to overtalk it. So:

1. Is a fair analogy to liken adoption talk to that of your heritage or maybe like a condition (ADD, nearsightedness)? It is part of who you are but not something you address upon meeting people or even as you become an acquaintance with them. I don't want to make light of adoption; so please don't take offense. Adoption is its unique "condition" in and of itself

2. Lifebooks: use 'em or chuck 'em? I was going to put one together for my daughter who is now two for future reference. That way we have something concrete we can use to converse with. My biggest concern is she will share this with other family members and there will be information she may change her mind about them knowing; especially as she starts to realize what it means as she ages

Constructive Responses only please

Answer 1

1- Yes and no and it depends. For me, it is quite a big deal. I am similar to both my bmom and my amom and it depends on the topic of discussion whether or not it will come up.  But I am definitely not shy to share- actually I really like to.  That said, my partner is also adopted but he NEVER speaks about it.  He may see it as a more neutral or possibly negative experience, where I see it as very positive.

2- A lifebook is an excellent idea!  I only had the 2 page write up from the agency to tell me anything about my birth parents- no other info was available.  If you have it, why not!   I guess my a-dad put together a reverse lifebook for when i met my bmom- he made up a scrap book of my life to show her.  That was great!

Answer 2

We adopted an older child [13]. My best friend was adopted when he was 9 and we discuss adoption issues and feelings often.

1. I think your analogy is excellent. Your status as adopted is just the way it is -

2. We put together a box o'documents, photos, all sorts of things for our daughter. It is hers and her decision whether to trot them out.

Answer 3

Well, every adopted person is different as far as the degree with which they prefer to talk about their adoption.  It really just depends on the individual, I guess.

I kind of like the idea of the Lifebook, myself; if my parents had had information about my bio-parents, where they came from, etc., it would have been cool to have that all put together for me (if that's what you mean by a Lifebook!).  But again, I suppose each individual is different, and you'll have to pay attention to how much interest your daughter takes in it.  Maybe it's something she'll appreciate more when she's older, or maybe she'll love it from day one.

Sorry I couldn't be more helpful.

Answer 4

I haven't heard the term lifebooks.  Can you please elaborate?

In my opinion, adoption should be treated as any other personal information.  

Once the adopted person is old enough, I think it should be the decision of the adopted person when they want to discuss it.  Sometimes, it is apparent, Asian or African-American child with two caucasian parents.  Even then, the adopted person should dictate what they are comfortable discussing.