Discussing past relationships? How does one avoid this initially when dating?

Question

It seems that I frequently meet men who will immediately ask me probing q's about my past relationships. It seems odd that they would want to know this info. I think in the beginning you should avoid that topic altogether and just focus on getting to know one another and interests. They ask more than am I single. They want to know how long the relationship was, why did we split up, etc? And this is on the first date or before.

The other day I met a man who was prying into my past before we even set up a date. When I told him I didn't want to discuss former relationships, he blew up on me and yelled that if he doesn't want to talk about something then I'd better respect his wishes, too. I thought he was out of line all the way around- considering that was within 10 minutes of our FIRST conversation and I'd just met him via the internet the same day (by the way, I'm no longer speaking to him because he had some other undesirable behaviors)

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Answer 1

"That's my personal business" always worked for me.

Answer 2

they shouldnt be prying that much.

tell them all your previous boyfriends were g*y hahahaha

Answer 3

They're insecure enough to worry about just how faithful you have been in the past with any of your former relationships.  They don't want to get hurt so they are "feeling" you out to make sure you aren't just playing with guys.  Just like a job interview, they want to make sure your "love" history shows you are the type to have long-term relationships since these days many girls don't seem to have any conscience about what they do or who they hurt (and some guys have been like that always).  However, if you don't want to talk about past relationships, a guy ought to respect that.  He can, semi-jokingly, promise that he's going to ask again after you've been dating for a while--which is fair warning (and you still have the option at that time  of saying, "I don't want to talk about it."  It's your past and you can share it or not share it.

And aren't you glad you found out how horrible that guy truly is before you wasted any more time on him--if he gets angry over something that innocent, just imagine how controlling and insecure he truly is about something heavier?    Don't base your judgment about online get-to-know-you's on that one guy.  There are probably far more nice guys out in cyberspace honestly looking for a stable, loving, kind, mutually-good relationship.

Answer 4

I don't know if such prying into past relationships is common or not; it suggests to me an insecurity that they think you are going to run back to this other relationship or that it isn't really over which demonstrates a lack of trust.

Consider that this may be projection on their part, that they are ready at any moment to go back to whatever former girlfriend pops up during an argument with you.

You are right that the man you are looking for is not going to be prying into your past relationships when you first meet him, or probably not later either.  A proper man would only respond to what you volunteer about past relationships and not pry.  He should be interested in getting to know you, who you are at that moment, not your past boyfriends and what went wrong with them.

Answer 5

Ask the (rude) person why he wants to know.  Then, after he fumbles for an answer (he wants to know how soon he can expect you to have s*x with him..) - ask if he thinks knowing this would be an advantage or disadvantage to a relationship with anyone.  Lastly, tell him he can find a book on Etiquette in the local library.

No-one I, ever, dated would be so rude - where are you finding these jerks?  It must be time to up-grade to Men of Maturity.