Dispute over Wedding Bar.?

Question

My fiance and I are having a Open bar at our Wedding. His parents are buying the liquor and the reception site is providing a bartender. Anyways, originally we had discussed having beer, wine, champagne, vodka (with several mixers) and tequila for the margarita machines. We both agreed on this. His parents decided they wanted to add whiskey and scotch for the 10 out of 220 guests who drink it. My fiance is all for it. I don't want it due to the bar being free and people getting a little too drunk and causing a scene and embarrassing me or any of our guests. I think that serving the wine, beer, champagne, tequila, and vodka plus the non-alcoholic drinks is plenty. There is really nothing that i will drink at the bar but I am willing to deal with that since I am that passionate about not offering a larger variety of beverages. I am also worried that once my fiance and I reach and agreement that the bottles will find there way in there anyways. Can you guys and girls give me your opinion on this matter. I don't want the most important day of our lives destroyed due to irresponsible drunks.

Answer 1

Hey we had a cash bar and drunk people at your wedding that made a scene or two.  

My only concern is if you provide the liquor you can be personally responsible  

Answer 2

wow, if you think irresponsible drunks will ruin your wedding why are you inviting them? I am not sure how a few shots of whiskey or scotch will send people over the edge and cause naked wrestling at your wedding. It's a wedding...with grown ups...not exactly a frat house kegger.

Consider yourself lucky you can provide your guests with an open bar at all and thank his parents profusely!! In fact, you might want to kiss a souther cheek or two while you're at it.

Spoiled!

Answer 3

I agree with you. No one wants to have to please only 10 guests who like this other selected liquor and then have them ruin the biggest day of your life because they drank too much.

Have them drink what everyone else is drinking. What's the big deal?

Answer 4

just switch to cash bar.  I was at a wedding last month with cash bar, but they had 1 domestic beer and 1 type of red & white wine for free.  my bf of course kept handing me cups of free white wine all nite and I got plastered.....anyhow, just provide one or 2 alcoholic drinks at your expense, like wines, but the hard liquor should be purchased by your guests.  that will keep their drinking down.

Answer 5

Trust me, people who like to get stupid drunk are going to get stupid drunk no matter what kind of alcohol you serve.  Let his parents choose to have whatever alcohol they want (after all, they are paying for it.) And please do not worry about the drunks at your wedding...they are going to embarrass themselves not you, and will do so on wine and beer if they have to. You cannot control your guests, so enjoy YOUR day and do not worry so much about them.

Answer 6

If you already have some hard alcohol then two more wont make much of a difference.  Just talk to the venue about shutting people off if its possible or doing drink tickets so people don't overdo it.  

Answer 7

Normally an open bar is stocked with basics, and that means beer, wine, vodka, gin, whisky, dark rum, light or white rum, scotch, and maybe brandy. It doesn't cost that much more to get a 40 of each of those, and you can use the leftovers next day at the gift opening, or any other time.

If anything, cut the champagne. Bottles of red and white wine on each table are sufficient for the toasts.

Answer 8

If the fiances parents are buying the liquor for the bar and they want to add Scotch and Whiskey just let them do it. Maybe the 10 people that they want to please are close family members - or maybe the mom and dad enjoy that type of alcohol. I don't see that much of a problem with it. People can get just as drunk off of vodka and tequila that they can with scotch and whiskey...I know you are scared that some guests might embarrass you or get a little to drunk; but chances are the guests that were going to get to drunk anyway are going to do that whether or not you are serving scotch and whiskey.  

Answer 9

If you are allowing some hard liquor (vodka & tequila), I see no issues with having more variety.

People who drink hard liquor will either get drunk on what they like or what is offered.  Serving two instead of four options isn't going to change anything.

Unless you want to scrap the hard liquor altogether, I say just let it go - there are more important things to dispute when it comes to your wedding.

Answer 10

I think you should let them have them but thats it. A way to keep people from getting too drunk is making little drink vouchers. At a wedding I attended they gave out two little alcholic drink vouchers that was really cute. After those was gone you couldn't get anymore drinks unless you pay. Congratulation and good luck.

Answer 11

I think it's fine to please those few guests, especially if you aren't paying for it.  Your claim is that only 10 people will be drinking the scotch anyway.  Is it those 10 people that will be irresponsible drinkers?  You don't know that, so that's not really a reasonable assumption.  You already providing a large selection of liquor, adding one or two more seems more like a control issue for you.  I don't really buy the "concern for people's well being" since, in reality, people are more likely to get drunk off the tequila you are providing, not sipping on a scotch on the rocks for the night.

I think you should just let it go, you have much more important things to worry about than what free liquor you are being given for your wedding.  he who pays the bill has the ultimate decision in my opinion.

Good Luck!  Relax and ENJOY your day!

Answer 12

You can't make everyone happy. If you had *everyone's* favorite alcohol available, you'd have a $10,000 bar bill before you know it, lol...

I think what you are providing for alcohol is fine. Maybe have other stuff available but at the guests' own expense if they wanna drink it. Make sure you are offering soda and water too (I am assuming that you are!)

Good luck!

Answer 13

My take on it is this: Either have hard liquor or none at all. If you already have tequila and vodka, what is the difference of adding scotch and whiskey?

The people who would take advantage and get drunk at a wedding aren't going to care if you have one or the other, they will drink what is there. It doesn't matter if you only have beer and wine, those people are still going to get drunk.

If you think that you are inviting people who are going to cause a scene because they will drink too much, either don't invite them, don't have hard liquor, or give full rights to the bartender to cut people off when they think that person has had too much to drink. Put a sign up stating that people will be cut off for their own safety if the bartender thinks they've had too much. End of story.

At the end of the day, stressing about this stuff will only ruin the days leading to your wedding. When things come up like this find a quick solution and move on, don't keep worrying about it. Trust me on this, my best friend pretty much ruined her wedding for herself because she worried about the stupidest things like the bar and people getting drunk, etc.

Answer 14

See, I totally disagree with you.  People never remember the wedding ceremony or anything like that.  They remember how much fun (or not) they had at the reception.  Vodka and Tequila are usually mixers- very few people drink them straight.  Whiskey and other things like that are usually sipped over ice.  Also, many yummy mixed drinks require several types of alcohol.  Give everyone an option and keep everyone happy.  

Imagine going to a neighbors wedding knowing that it's an open bar but then getting there and you have 2 options (I don't drink wine, beer or champange).  That would really p**s me off and in my mind it would reflect poorly on you for being to selfish and cheap.

Just go whole hog, give everyone a large selection and go with the flow.  It's a party, have fun!!  Don't worry about other people making a$$es of themselves- that's on them.  Most people also tend to be fairly respectful about weddings.  If nothing else, tell the bartenders, to make the drinks light on the alcohol- that way, everyone has what they want, but it will take a lot more work for them to get plastered.  

Don't stress over this so much!    

Answer 15

I don't want you to think that I am being rude or mean but pick your battles.

My philosophy in planning my wedding is do not stress about anything that doesn't need to be stressed about.

If his parents are paying for the extra alcohol and they want it then just let them do it.

I know its your wedding and its all about you but is it really a HUGE deal? I am sure you are required to have security on site and the bartender must be trained in being able to tell when someone has had enough.

Stop stressing, if you think they are going to do it anyway then just consent to it and you are still in control.

Hope you have a wonderful wedding!  

Answer 16

Are the 10 scotch drinkers the ones you are worried about drinking too much?  If so, then you have a reason to be concerned.  If they are responsible people who just enjoy scotch, then there is no harm in having one more option for them!  (Especially since you are not sponsoring it!)

Answer 17

Ok you sound like a martyr with the whole "passionate" bit. So you are willing to "suffer" to prove a point that you only want vodka and tequila as your hard liquor.

Please understand that people can get drunk on wine, beer, and everything else that you are supplying. You either trust them with their choices or you don't. If you don't, then don't offer alcohol period. Don't get all "bridezilla" and make a big deal out of ten guests. You're already offering some alcohol so it isn't a big deal.

You need to get over this whole "No whiskey or scotch!!!" routine. You have way more to handle.

Answer 18

I agree with you with wanting to limit what is on the bar, as well as not wanting to deal with a bunch of people being drunk and irresponsible.  You sound like you're being reasonable.

I see two problems with this, however.  The first being that his parents are paying for the liquor.  Since they are paying for it, they have a say in what they purchase.  The second is that even with the drinks you originally intended on having, you will still have people who will overindulge.

I recommend this:  let your future in-laws purchase the alcohol they are talking about.  Then, talk to the hall and let them know you would like the bartender to monitor the situation.  A good bartender will know when it is appropriate to cut someone off.  Other than that, focus on you and your new husband, and try not to worry too much about others.  

Good luck!

Answer 19

To be honest, the whole "get drunk and embarass everyone" doesn't really happen all that often and it can just as easily happen with margaritas as it can with scotch. Most people know to control themselves and don't need to be restricted/supervised.

I think a compromise is in order, the parent's can add one more type of booze, not two. Since they are paying they should have a little say. Also, if you would like to drink there is no reason why you can't have a small stash of one of your favorites.

Answer 20

IF HIS PARENTS ARE FOOTING THE BILL WHO CARES. What !!! Do you think ya can't get drunk on the the other. I mean your talking tequila here. That tends to make the nice drunks obnoxious.

Answer 21

I wouldn't be too concerned about having whiskey and scotch - unless the 10 people who would be drinking it are known to be the "crazy drunks" who would ruin the reception.  You can get drunk on beer, wine, champagne, vodka and tequila - I've seen it.  It happens.  If his parents are buying the liquor - and they know of people that only want scotch and whiskey, then those people are probably their friends and they want their friends to be comfortable and feel welcome.  If you are worried that people (other than the 10) would drink too much, then limit the amount of scotch and whiskey - but remember - as long as there is alcohol present - someone may drink too much.  Bottom line - if they are paying - they can buy whatever they want.

Answer 22

People will get just as wasted (if not even more wasted) from the vodka and tequila that you are offering (perfect for shots).  If its only 10 people who will drink it then you won't have to buy too much and the mixers are pretty much  the same.  I don't think a couple more bottles are a big deal.

Answer 23

You won't be able to stop people getting drunk if you are serving alcohol, period. If you're worried about that, then close the bar early.

Whiskey and scotch drinkers (in my experience) just enjoy it. It's their drink of choice. Everyone has one.

If you don't want people getting too rowdy, tell the bartender no shots and no doubles.

Answer 24

would a loud drunk SERIOUSLY "destroy the most important day of your lives"?

People need to lighten up. You can't control every one around you and all of your GUESTS are there to have a good time too.

Like others said, if there are people there that like to get smashed and cause a scene, any drink will do, it's not just whiskey that turns people into unruly drunks. That is how the person is anyway, the type of drink is no excuse.

It sort of seems like the wedding itself is more important than the marriage to you...but if you cant stand the though of someone doing something that is not to your liking maybe you should skip the whole reception thing.

And i don't think it is right to assume that the agreement that you and your fiance are going to come to is in your favor.