Disrespectful step-daughter?

Question

My step-daughter who, before she started living here, have seen a few times. My step-daughter is originally from Japan, same with my husband.

My step-daughter knows her Father very well, but still disrespects both me and him. She's been in some fights at her school, many of which were very serious fights and the police were called. Every night she plays her guitar and it's usually when everybody is asleep.

She does not get along with her younger sister and actually tried to attack her once for her listening to a CD of hers.

She's been living with us for a year and out of that whole time, I've only seen her nice side twice. The only person that she gets along with is out youngest daughter who is 9 months old.

Please help.

By the way, she's 13.

Answer 1

Two words -  BOOT CAMP - that's personally what I would do. And I'm a stepmom too :)

If you can't handle that, I would suggest joining an online group such as www.steptalk.org. There are tons of people there if you post your question that can help you.

Answer 2

try punishing her for once.

Answer 3

I think you and your husband need to seek some councilling for her. Something is bothering her deep down in side, whether it be moving from Japan, and away from COMPLETELY everything she knows, or she is just having a hard time with school? Whatever it may be, I think seeing a counciller would be the best thing for her.

Good luck

Answer 4

maybe shes not used to the whole step-mom thing and is acting out to let some of her anger out or something...ya know? u should talk to her and try to see whats up, maybe shes hiding something that needs to be talked about! anyways, good luck with that...O.o

Answer 5

She may just be p*ssed off because she has been taken from her home country, and may not see why she should respect you, also might be angry with her dad for it too..

Answer 6

Some of her behavior is attributable to her age, but it sounds like she is very troubled.  Perhaps her life has been uprooted by her moving from Japan.  She could benefit from some counseling.

Answer 7

She's acting out probably partly because she's testing her new boundaries and upset that she's in this divided family situation and partially because that is what 13-year-old's do. Dad needs to step in here and fast and demand a little more respect. You need to talk to him about that and back him up on it. She also should maybe see a counselor or you can all go together to work through some of these new family situations out. As a soon to be step parent, I know you are not going through an easy time. Try reading some books on step parenting. it is a whole new world. Good luck. I dread those teen years.

by the way, it is your home too, you can demand respect in your home too.  

Answer 8

wow, she sounds like shes acting out and isnt very happy about pops remarrying.  

my best suggestion is this young lady needs some help.  i would seek out a psychologist, i say that as opposed to a psychiatrist because she may not need drugs, just somebody to talk to and in this day and age they pass out anti depressants like skittles to kids.  

i would get her lined up as soon as possible before it gets more out of hand.  she sounds like she has some anger issues.  

good luck to all three of you guys!

Answer 9

tough love!  That's what she needs!  Punish her, ground her, take away her guitar.  Whatever it takes.  You're not being mean, you'll be doing it because you love her.  Save her from herself.  She might hate you for it, but it's what needs to be done.  

Answer 10

um she's 13 or course she is going to be a nightmare. her mom died too she is obviously has anger issues and you need to ger her professional help asap.

she doesnt seem like she is happy at all and seems really lonely. what about letting her pick out a small dog? she seems like she needs a friend. but send her to cousling she needs to talk

Answer 11

maybe she doesnt like the living arrangments that went on. u should try talking to her about it

Answer 12

it sounds like she's been through a lot in her life, with her mother dying, & moving away from japan..

get her a counclor, or a positive role model, somthing.

Answer 13

You need to set her down and talk about her problems, why she is the way she is. If that doesn't work you may need a family psychiatrist to help you all settle your differences

Answer 14

Shes had a an upseting life if her mums died!!

To me thats just her being a teenager lolz and not most sisters get on !!! But the fighting isnt right at school!  

Answer 15

Try to have more understanding with her,she has not only lost her mother she has gained a stepmother and also been uprooted from the country she is used too,not forgetting all her friends she has left behind.and to top it all she is at a very sensitive age.

Answer 16

she sounds like she is just being a teenager, but even at that, she does need to respect both you and her father.

you defiantly need to teach her that when she acts that way, it will always come back to haunt her.

Answer 17

Oh she's horrible. You should hang her.

I'm joking.

She's a teenager.

We don't like rules. We like fighting. And we like pissing off our parents.

Answer 18

have u tried talking 2 her???!?

how bout an anger management class??! or a counselor?!?!

just a thought,

rite back

Answer 19

talk to her about EVERYTHING trust me all you need to do is talk!

maybe get her a school counselor or something!

take away her guitar at ngiht time and just tell her that she can get it back in the morning!

when she mnightaves take somehting away and inorder for her to get it back she will have to earn it by beisomethingr a simplein order something!

and for the ister attack part have a bin for things to share and everything that she is conservative about tell her to keep it in her room in a safe spot!

remember that u have the most power!

i know u can do this, do it for your family!

you go girl show her whos boss!who's

Answer 20

She sure needs help but, professional help and if someone needs to talk to her bout the subject then that is her Father since she's suffering 4 her mother's death too. She's probably  mad at her dad 4 forgetting about her mother or she probably thinks she is the only one suffering there, I think (not to be disrespectful with you his now Wife) but he should have a talk to her, telling her that her mother meant a lot to him and he also misses her and loved her a Lot!

She needs counselor

may be in school they'd help you!

Answer 21

have you tried talking to her calmly

Answer 22

Try having a talk with her, be sympathetic towards her situation. Take her out, just you and her.. Do something she enjoys doing. She may be more open to having you in the house living with her and her family if she knows you on a more personal level. If that doesn't work, She just needs to be disciplined by her father. Threaten to send her to boarding school if she can't learn to cope with her new living adjustments.

edit: I can't even imagine losing a mother and coming to a new country and situation all at once. That's terrible. Seek her a councilor that she feels comfortable with. Be sympathetic and motherly towards her.. She just lost her mother figure and it might help her to have someone she trusts take her place. Don't force it though.. Let her come to you. Offer to do things that you'll both enjoy. Talk to her about HER life. Let her ask questions about yours.. Try and be a friend and a mother in one.. I think you'll see improvement.

Answer 23

what was going on when you saw her nice side those two times?

maybe you should focus on that and try to get it to happen more often.

she may be acting out because she misses her mom or she doesnt want to accept you and her father being together.

Answer 24

send her back to japan

edit: if her mother died no wonder shes a nightmare get her some counselling and try to be more caring and motherly and understanding no wonder shes a wreck, no mum, new country, new strange family, what do you expect from her??

Answer 25

she's ur average plain b****

Answer 26

You aint her mum, you cant tell her what to do.

Let your husband sort it.

Answer 27

Im 13, my mom has a bf (that i AM disrespectuful to)

So i want you to know that you should be nice to her. Do not try to be her mother as itll make her even more mad. Thats what my  moms bf did. He tries to be my dad and disipline (SP) me. ANd yes, i am rude to him. He shouldnt be telling me what to do ALL THE TIME. maybe this is how your daughter feels.

Answer 28

try breaking her down psycologically and then building her back up. Boot Camp style

Answer 29

spank her. spare the rod spoil the child. or ship her off to boot camp. she'll come around.  

Answer 30

go teenage rebellion.

newsflash:

we. don't. like. being. told. what. to. do.

Answer 31

shes just angry at the loss of her mother

the best thing to do is to help her cultivate her relationship with the baby , it will make her happy

but tell her your not the enemy you are her family and love her