Dissagreements on Guest List numbers!!!?

Question

Me and my fiance agreed on 150 guest list for our wedding with both of us inviting 75 people. I've whittled it down as best i could, but if i was even allowed 5 more it would help me out alot. My fiance says hes not even going to invite 75 people, but he still wont let me have the 5 extra. Its only to allow the only 5 single people on my half the option to bring a date. The location and catering are already set for 150, and if he doesn't plan on inviting all 75, why would it be such a big deal to allow 5 extra on my side?? Its 5..and that doesn't even mean they will all bring dates, and some of the people i invite may not even come so it can still possibly end up being under 75.

He wont budge and its very frustrating because its not like I'm asking for 10-20 extra..its 5!!!

Answer 1

I totally see your point, but I have to side with your fiance on this one. We're not allowing our single friends to bring dates that aren't already in a serious relationship because each head really counts. Assuming you're paying about $90 a head for the reception meal, that's $450 you save by not inviting the five extra people. Not allowing "and guest" on invitations is a VERY common practice these days. That $450 will pay for a huge portion of your entertainment like a DJ or a band or something.

I'm so happy my fiance and I stuck to this "rule" we designed for our guest list because the money we've saved by not allowing "and guests" is a lot, and it's so worth it.

So yeah, it's five people to you, but to him, he's counting dollar signs :)

EDIT: If those five guests are in serious relationships, then by all means, tell your fiance they need to be invited! However, I would hold off, and see where these five people are when it's closer to your wedding. The caterer or venue doesn't need a head count until about 7-14 days before your event, sometimes even just a few days before. All I'm saying is that I understand why your fiance wouldn't want people he barely knows at your wedding.

Answer 2

Perhaps he is thinking of inviting others.  Just ask him why.  

We had an absolute number of 30, but I'm inviting fewer than 15, so he gets the extra slots.  We're paying for all of it.

I disagree with you that it is rude not to allow single folks to bring dates.  They have the option to decline the invitation if they are so bothered.  I certainly would want to be invited if it were my friend!  

Answer 3

Do you have guests you are inviting together, like friends?  Are they on your 75 or his?  Can you move someone over to his list?  Give yourself some wiggle room?  

Answer 4

Really, if this is the guy you're marrying, you should be able to work it out with him.

If you're asking if it's reasonable for you to be able to invite a few more people than him, then the answer is yes. Don't expect everyone you invite  to come, anyway.

Answer 5

well he needs to take into consideration that not EVERYONE shows up..its usually about 20% .. i thought to myself no way we will have almost everyone.. and nope. it was about right..

so if you are inviting exactly 150 you will probably end up with between 100-120. give or take . i dont do math. lol

so he really should just let you invite the 5 more.  

Answer 6

Why can't you just agree on a total number and fill it up as necessary? I am inviting only 35 people (small family) to my wedding, my fiance has 127 on his side (big family). We agreed to keep it to 170 max. Maybe you can rationalize with him, he did agree to marry you and you should be ab le to invite people who mean a lot to you whether you have more or less people than he does. Or add them to HIS guest list. Let him know you already are paying for 150, why does it matter which side they are on? He should see the light eventually. If not, maybe you should see someone about his "compromising" skills...

Good luck!!!

Answer 7

This sounds like what I went through. This is really the only area that my fiance and I had arguments about. I have never wanted a big wedding, he has a ton of friends in addition to a large family. I too have a large family but was not planning on inviting a ton of friends. We have very different philosophies on who should share the wedding day. What it came down to is compromise. It is a skill that we continue to learn the importance of. Eventually, I gave in on the guest list and he gave in to the longer honeymoon and gave me the reins to the designing.

First, you need to discuss this with him: no yelling, no tears, nor accusing anyone of anything. The last thing you want to do is put your FH on the defensive and make it very dramatic. Second, this discussion should take place in a safe zone, somewhere where you both feel comfortable. Third, approach with "I" and "We" statements. "I feel that my friends should be allowed to bring guests because_____" "We have budgeted for this number of guests..." Make your arguments clear and concise. Write them out beforehand to make sure you are clear on your point. Finally, remember that what it all comes down to is that you and your man are getting married. That is all that matters, this stuff is all petty in the long run. I remind myself of that as often as I can and keeps me calm and in control of the situations that never cease to arise at the worst possible times.

Congratulations and try to enjoy the planning of your future.

Sincerely,

ILS  

Answer 8

Why won't he budge?  If you can afford to have 150 there why not have 150, regardless of whose "side" they're on?

If you're already taking sides this early on, and you can't come to a reasonable compromise then perhaps you should be rethinking the wedding in the entirety.  You two are supposed to be one unit now, not him vs. her.

Answer 9

Are you going *over* on other things too?

He might be just trying to make a point..  if he gives you an inch are you taking a mile?

You both agreed on 75...get yours down to 75 as compromised.

Perhaps he's looking at this as how you'll expect things once you're married too.

Answer 10

Not a good way to start a marriage!  This could be the beginning of many disagreements that end in a stale-mate.

Neither of you are going to enjoy the wedding or your marriage!  

Answer 11

I get married in 2 weeks.

My parents set the guest list at 125 people.

My Fiance asked for 25 spots for his family. My parents agreed.

However 25 turned into 50 and 50 turned into 5 more.

So are original Budget for 125 is now 160.

The guest list and grow quicker then you plan.  

Answer 12

He is being silly in my opinion, but you will have to work it out with him. DOn't count on people not showing up, and even though I am not into the idea of inviting strangers to my wedding proper etiquette is to allow for a guest for anyone over the age of 18 that is single, and married couples/ people in serious relationships should be invited as a couple.  If these friends don't really know anyone else invited to the wedding (meaning they may be uncomfortable alone) they REALLY should have a guest. If these are people that will easily find a crowd of friends or family they can socialize with I don't have as much of a problem with inviting them alone, but you may still offend them and they may write ina  guest.

While I am all for compromise, not everyone has equal sized families and he should be willing to be more flexible. He may be resistant because of some other issue, like getting freaked out with how "real" this is getting. Talk to him, and give him some time. Good luck, I hope it all works out.